Is it wrong that I have decided that my mother will never have access to my children or family?

Question

I did this over careful review, and even some discussion with other family members and spouse. My mother, unfortunately, is a terrible human being, and nothing has changed about that in all the time I have known her.

Without going into too much detail, I will explain.

My mother is a person who is not happy unless she can make you cry, and I know this very literally, she's come right out and said almost as much. I am afraid of her giving my kids one of her infamous pieces of paranoid advice. I am afraid of her trying to physically assault my spouse, which would force me do something I do not want to do. So much more too.

Answer 1

I come from a similar situation so know exactly where you're coming from.
My only advice, don't keep you're mother a secret from your children, let them know the truth about her and the situation.
When they're old enough they will no doubt want to see her (at least once out of curiosity) tell them what to expect, but let them go.
In short, don't allow yourself to come out the bad guy in this situation.
Good Luck.

Answer 2

No, it is not wrong to deny your mother access to your family. It's just like you said, YOUR FAMILY. You have grown up and moved out of her house, and she is no longer your "warden".

I had to make a similar decision with my father. It's hard, but after a while, if they truly want an adult relationship with you, they will come around. Remember, it takes TWO to make a relationship work. You should not have to bear the stress and do all the work.

Answer 3

I totally agree with your decision to protect your children from a women who you fear will do them damage. However, I think if you feel your children are old enough, they should be able to make their own decision about your mother. Although, if your children are of a young age, I believe you are doing what is right by your children.

Answer 4

If you are certain you are acting in your children's best interests then it is not wrong. If your Mom is a terrible person why expose your children to her. I wouldn't. I hope you have the backing of you husband and family. Ultimately it is your decision. You can pick your friends but you can't pick you family. So True.

Answer 5

It sounds like your mother would be an unhealthy influence on your children and family. I think you are doing what you feel you have to do to protect those you love.

Answer 6

Just want to say, we can choose our friend but we cant choose our parents, by ignoring doest mean she is not exist anymore. Most important thing is do you really feels that this is the best way? do you really feels that she is hopeless? do you really feels that that is not ever 1 good thing she has done for the family? In life, forgiveness is the biggest gift to ourself.

Answer 7

"discussion with other family members"

I find it mighty strange that you are avoiding bringing this issue to your mother. There could be information missing in this story problem given the facts I copied and pasted from your notation. Please advise: I don't want to be party to a son that could be abusing his mother and blaming her while seeking approval from others (those are my personal boundaries respectively).

Answer 8

sometimes we have to sever family ties and relationships for our own, mental health.

if your mother causes you emotional distress and can't treat you like a human being, you are protecting yourself by staying away.

i did the same with my father, 17 years ago. my emotional state has vastly improved.

take care.. and if you need help with this therapy never hurts.. it helped me quite a bit. hug!!!

Answer 9

Totally your decision. It not wrong to protect you children from terrible things.