My fiance and I got engaged July 28th. The ring he gave me was one his mother (who doesen't like me because she wants her son to have no life and just take care of her and her bills) gave to him, and he gave to me. Saturday, she saw it on my finger and demanded it back. Which to save us from a fight, I did. But he never told me it was on loan from his mother, we bought me a new one....but should I be upset with him? Should I HATE his mother?
2007-08-20 03:19:47 · 14 answers · asked by princessmylissa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
More than likely his mother gave it to him awhile ago to give to the woman he was going to marry as pass down family heirloom thing (before you we're around is my guess). I have a few friends who have also received mother's engagement rings for future proposals. She obviously resents your influence on him and is going to punish him anyway she can. Embarrassing him and being mean to you is her way of doing this and trying to drive you off. Don't take it as anything coming from him. You do need to talk to him about the situation with his mother and try to at least understand each others positions concerning her should (when) a problem arises in the future. Good luck with this.
2007-08-20 03:30:07 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
She is being an indian giver. She gave it to your son for his future wife but has changed her mind because she isnt happy with his choice of woman. It is not his fault, in my opinion. Did he actually know it was just a loan? Or did he think the ring was his to do with as he wished. He probably thought it was a nice sentiment. anyways it is over with now. He has bought you a ring and I guess we all make mistakes. Forgive him, he is probably more embarassed than you are.
Make sure you flaunt the new ring a lot so that the MIL to be knows that her meaness and spite meant nothing to you. You still have her son, AND a new ring of your choosing that will probably mean a lot more to you anyways.
Be the bigger person and pretend like it doesnt bother you or anything. If she thinks she has gotten to you she will think she has won. Just be nice and pretend like nothing has happened. (but in private, in the depths of your soul, feel free to hate her as much as you wish....he he......try a voodoo doll)
Good luck.
2007-08-20 11:00:16 · answer #2 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont waste your time hating her, it will only make your marriage and relationship with your future husband strained. He will be stuck between a rock and a hard place and that is not fair to him. Be upset about the ring but do not make it an issue for you and your fiance to fight over. Consider it a wash and enjoy the new ring that is just yours with no drama behind it. This is your time to enjoy plannig your wedding so don't let your future mother in law ruin it for you.
2007-08-20 03:32:33 · answer #3 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hate is such a strong word honey... Yes you should be upset, but you should also be understanding. His heart was in the right place honey... he wanted to propose to you and he went for it. The mom does have a right to her ring, i mean its her ring, but that was just nasty of her to demand it and rain in on your parade like that.
Dont hate his mother... this will end up tearing you two apart later on. See try as best you can to get along with his family. Remember when you marry the man, you are also marrying the family... lol not supposed to be that way, but it is... you two are merging your families too and that needs to go smoothly.
Try sitting down with him, once you've cooled off a bit, and talking with him about this. You obviously dont like it, you're upset by it and that's fine. BUT you cannot control this woman... you can only control YOU and your responses and what YOU contribute to it. You accepted his proposal, meaning you want to spend your life with him... so do it with as little drama as possible. Try to talk with the mom too, because if its THIS bad so early on, just think how it will be years into it. Nip it in the bud asap.
Congrats! :) and best wishes to you.
2007-08-20 03:29:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Try to see this situation from your mother's point of view. Her son is engaged and there is probably huge separation anxiety. Also, when did she find out you were engaged? Did your fiance even talk to her about this? The suggestion to have a sit-down with your fiance is an excellent one - do it tonight! You could also seriously think about a calm relaxed chat with your future mother-in-law, about this situation, who must have done something right - after all she raised a son that you love enough to marry!
2007-08-20 09:09:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well that is too weird, he should not have involved her ring if he knew that you guys don't get along, why did he just wait to give you a ring that he purchased?
Yes you have every right to be mad but you need to make things right with his mom. She is going to be your new family and you don't want to start off hating each other. See if you could talk to her and maybe you can work out your differences.. Good Luck!
2007-08-20 04:14:36 · answer #6 · answered by spagirl23188 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'll bet that he didn't know it was a loan, either. Don't be upset with him.
It's going to be difficult for you, but please try your very best to get along with his mother. To hate her would put your fiance in a terrible position. It will also cause nothing but trouble for both of you in the future.
If you are a religious person, consider that Jesus taught that forgiving people is needed.
2007-08-20 04:00:33 · answer #7 · answered by kiwi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
(1) Don't hate anybody. It's rust on your soul and a poor use of energy.
(2) How would YOU react if you saw (for instance) your brother's girlfriend wearing your best jewelry? Maybe you'd be pretty angry and demand immediate return of your possessions?
(3) Do you REALLY want to marry a guy who engineers "let's you and her fight" scenarios between you and his mom?
2007-08-20 03:43:46 · answer #8 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If his mother gave it to him then it is HIS to do with what he wants, and that would be to give it to YOU.
But, you gave it back. OK. So you got a new one.
I don't hate his mother, I'd pity her.
I also would not be upset with him, as it was his to do with what he wants. You should be upset with his mom though and he should have a talk with her.
2007-08-20 07:17:21 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hating her gets you where? If anything you should be upset with him. That was cruel. Hopefully the one he bought was big and expensive.
One question...do you really want to marry someone who doesn't stand up to his mother?
2007-08-22 02:16:12 · answer #10 · answered by Mom of 2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋