My bf & I have dating for 6 yrs. so its basically like were married w/out rings, anyway a year ago my bf & I bought a house, his mom brought over wed. dinners (which I despised but didn't say anything). We have been living there for 1yr & 3 months but we have realized that we would much rather live out in the country than in the city, we feared telling her because she it very protective I guess. He finally had to tell her because she could tell we were keeping something from her &she thought I was preggers. We just found out that she called her x-husb. (my bf's dad) and said she wanted to have like an intervention with us about moving. His dad said she was crazy and that were not alcoholics we just want to sell our house. we weren't supposed to know about the"intervention" so we can't confront her about it, but is there anything we can do? She is one of the reasons we want to move an hour away! ps she is still really protective because he only moved out 2 yrs ago (were 20) & he is
2007-08-20 02:03:20 · 9 answers · asked by River rock 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
her only child.
2007-08-20 02:03:33 · update #1
Alright...I JUST got out of a relationship that didn;t end for this reason but it was certainly a stress for us both. The thing about mothers who can't let go is part the mother, part the son. Believe it or not, you're only role here is to be supportive for him because he's going to need and depend on that support from you. It has to come from him. He has to show her he's independant. That she has a diminished role in his life. And the only way she'll get that message loud and clear is if he has a sit down with her and discusses it. You can't be there because she'll think you're generating it and resent you for "taking away her baby". She MUST know that the idea is coming from him and that he feels it's best for all involved. If he makes sure this point is understood she'll either honor his request and get over it in time or she won't. Either way, you are both adults. You are a couple. And rings or not, he chose you.
Best of luck to ye.
2007-08-20 02:50:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should have never told her ahead of time. The day that you were moving you should have told her. Moms like that will guilt trip you, make him feel bad and most likely turn you and your bf against each other because it is going to come down to him not wanting to hurt her feelings. You need to have a talk with him and promise each other that no matter what your mother-in-law says you are going to move out. You are adults and the only way to grow up and have a real life is to be on your own. Tell mom you appreciate everything she has done for you two, but it's time for you guys to be independent.
2007-08-20 02:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If only there was a panacea for this whole mother in law problem, eh? I hear ya sister. If you and the bf agree, sit her down and confront her - the whole game playing, we don't know what she did and she doesn't know we know leads to nothing - no resolution, no results and definitely no change. My MIL would dictate our wknd plans for 3 years while my husband drove 2-5 hours each way to work. When we planned the move, she went ballistic and threatened all sorts of things - but couldn't argue against her son's better living conditions. She was so spiteful that she didn't congratulate him or me on our new jobs, but guess what - after her family visited our place and she's moved in with us - she can't stop boasting about 'her' decision on the nice new place...
The moral of the story? You know what you have to do for your betterment - she is his mother, but he is her son. You're not closing the door on the relationship and you need to tell her that. She will adjust - where is she going to go with that attitude?
2007-08-20 05:17:07 · answer #3 · answered by Maya's Angel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mom is being mom. Her only child has left the nest and it is driving her batty. Just sit down and tell her that you guys are selling the house because your and your BF would much rather live in the nice quiet country rather than the city. She is not going to be happy about it but who cares. This is your life, do not let her try to control it.
2007-08-20 02:09:27 · answer #4 · answered by bluemysti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, living together or being married is YOUR choice. Don't worry about the laws and ethics as people put it. YOu are not hurting anyone with your decision and it's your life, and you do what makes you comfortable. Just wanted to get that out.
As far as your in-law, it sounds like she will just have to learn to get over it. She is who she is, and that's fine. It's your bf's reaction to her attempts that is the most important. He is the determining factor for all of this. Intervention or not, she can only be as controlling as he allows her to be.
2007-08-20 02:17:29 · answer #5 · answered by Rugah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess I don't understand why you two adults are afraid of this woman. She may be controlling but you two are independent adults with your own money and your own goals. Do not let her even have this "intervention," confront her before it happens. Do it gently and kindly but you need to put your foot down NOW.
2007-08-20 02:12:04 · answer #6 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dating 6 years and shacking up together is NOT the same as being married (without rings). Since you just do as you like with no regards to laws and ethics what is the problem. You know you are going to just do what you want to.. so just move.
2007-08-20 02:09:46 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Let your bf deal with his mom.
But you help him thinking about the explaination that he's going to talk to his mom.
stay out of this otherwise his mom will hate you.
He knows his mom better than you
2007-08-20 02:48:44 · answer #8 · answered by KingKongKang 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
TELL HER U TWO DO NOT NEED HER IN YOUR BUSSINESS OR TELL UR BOIFRIEND TO TELL HER
2007-08-20 02:10:18 · answer #9 · answered by blugeanie923 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋