My dad and I had a good relationship until last night! He doesnt want to walk me down the isle or come to my wedding, because my mother and her side of the family will be there. He said he feels uncomfortable being around them. He and my mom divorced almost 6 years ago. He left my mom for another woman and now theyre married. So last night we argued. He thinks its wrong of me to try to get him to do something hes uncomfortable doing, and I think hes being selfish and putting his feelings before mine. He even offerred to pay for the honeymoon...like if thats going to make everything ok! So now, I guess my brother will walk me down the isle. But he is supossed 2 b a groomsmen. How am I going to pull that off during the ceremony? And am I being selfish?
2007-08-20 00:45:17 · 51 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i already asked him just to come for the ceremony, and he didnt have to come to the reception. He still refused.
2007-08-20 01:09:21 · update #1
my dad called me today and agreed to walk me down the *aisle*!! so thanks for all your answers. He agreed that he needed to put his feelings aside for my big day. thank u again for all ur answers
2007-08-21 06:29:06 · update #2
YOur dad is being selfish...he wanted the divorce and got it. He had to have known that your mom would be there. IF your dad can't put his feelings aside for you for one day...then he is wrong. Your mom has more to be bitter about and she is OK with it. Let your dad know how he has let you down and then don't be around for things that mean alot to him. You don't have to get over things just because he says you should. As far as your ceremony...have the bridesmaids walk down the aisle by themselves while the groomsmen stand at the alter...once your brother walks you down, he can go and stand with the groomsmen. Then things should be equal walking back out.
2007-08-20 00:53:59 · answer #1 · answered by chris d 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First off I'm sorry to hear that you are going through all of this during what should be one of the happiest times of your life. My wife and I went through a similar situations. It's sometimes difficult to put your feelings on the back burner for someone else's benefit. Don't know how much time you have until the wedding date but maybe give it a lil time and your dad may change his mind. I would hope that he would realize how much this day means to you and would just smile and grit his teeth until the ceremony is over. Honestly I think his presence would be a better gift than paying for a honey moon (Although it would save your new hubby some cash)
You are not being selfish at all. Yeah and having a groomsmen walk you down then get back in line would be a first but you do what you have to do to make the say go by smoothly. People will talk no matter what you do. your real friends will understand and laugh about later with you on down the road. All you need to concern yourself with on that day is being happy. This day is all about you. To celebrate the beginning of your new life. Make it work the best you can. Have a wonderful wedding and congratulations.
2007-08-20 01:11:19 · answer #2 · answered by J P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brother walks you down the aisle, gives you away . . . then turns to the right, and stands next to the other groomsmen.
A father would have to turn and go to his seat. So why can't the brother turn and walk over to the other groomsmen? This part is not a problem. Your brother can handle being your escort and a groomsman both.
If you had intended to pair up bridesmaids and groomsmen during the processional, then just have one groomsman escort two bridesmaids . . . . one on each side of him. During the recessional, it won't be a problem . . . as brother will be available then to walk with one of the girls.
As for the situation with dad, if he is uncomfortable around mom and her family . . . . I don't think there is anything you can do about it. Maybe ask him if he will slip into the wedding quietly and watch you be married from the back of the room? At least, that way he would be present. He could leave immediately after the ceremony and not attend the reception, if that would make him more comfortable.
2007-08-20 01:00:19 · answer #3 · answered by Suz123 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is being selfish. Just as he did in his marriage, he's putting himself first and other supposedly very important people in his life dead last. A good father would set aside his feelings of discomfort, step up to plate, and walk his daughter down the aisle.
The best thing you can do is to accept that your dad is selfish, and lose attachment to the idea of him walking you down the aisle or even show up at the wedding. Don't let his refusal to show up ruin your special day!!!
Walk down the aisle alone or find a substitute: your mother, stepfather, uncle, sibling, etc. Same as if he were dead. And I suggest taking him up on his offer to pay for your honeymoon! It'll help alleviate his guilt and make your life a bit financially easier.
BTW, his refusal to come to your wedding will probably prove more embarrassing to him than if he showed up. EVERYONE will now know what a jerk he is. Karma has a way of catching up to people.
2007-08-20 01:51:30 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have your brother walk you down and then take his place in the line of groomsmen.. that problem is solved..
but having your dad walk you is a once in a life time (hopefully!) and it's something that you both will regret not doing!
just try to talk to him! that's all you can really do! just assure him that you will not seat him anywhere near your mom or any of her family, and that you will do your absolute best to make sure he and his wife have a great time! also let him know how much it means to you that he walks you down the isle.. i am hoping that he will come around for you with just a little talking to!
you aren't being selfish at all, your dad is! he is a grown adult and has to put your mom and their divorce behind him! this is a celebration of a new life together, and whether he likes it or not, what's past is past.. and that's just what it is.. the past! so he should get over it and support his daughter on her best day ever! he'll regret it like crazy if he doesn't!
you know.. my dad died almost 4 years ago, and i can only wish that he was here to walk me down the isle.. just let him know what a treasured memory it is going to be for you to have him do the honors, make it known how important this is for you! he will probably bend becasue he won't want to let down his little girl!
good luck, i hope it all works out for you! if not, you can just have your brother walk you, and your day will be just as beautiful! congrats! :)
2007-08-20 01:03:46 · answer #5 · answered by idgaf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i dont think you are being selfish at all you have a perfectly good right to feel how you do. This is going to be the best day of your life and you will remember this forever. He should get past his troubles and walk down with you, its not going to be that big a deal for him but hugely for you. The honeymoon is important but not nearly as important as the wedding.
Personally i dont think your being selfish but you cant make him do anything, if he wont do it then dont stress out about it. Walk down the isle and be proud about it.
Good Luck with the wedding
2007-08-20 00:53:39 · answer #6 · answered by Pinky - 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish at all - your father and his new wife are being selfish & immature. Your father & stepmother probably feel embarrassed about the affair they carried on and wish to spare themselves the gossip & dirty looks they will no doubt receive from your mother's side of the family. That said - not to be ignorant, but, it's THEIR problem and should not impact your wedding day wishes.
Talk to your father & stepmother - calmly and maturely state that you are hurt and dissappointed. Tell them that you do understand that they will be uncomfortable and that you will do everything to combat that (talk to your mom & her family about putting aside their personal feelings for the day, arrange to have them sat far apart, take pictures separately, etc. - you will respect their feelings as much as possible.) However, you NEED him there because you love him & getting married without him is unacceptable.
Unfortunately, you may have to get a little deeper and remind your parents that you are getting married and will most likely be starting a family of your own soon enough. You are NOT going to put your children in the middle of this war between them. They will have to civil toward one another if they should choose to be in their grandchild's lives. Will you be expected to have two Christenings, two annual birthday parties, etc..? Will they expect you to choose which grandparent can come to your child's Kindergarten or High School graduation? They MUST learn now and your wedding is a great time to start.
You should tell your father and stepmother that you believe they have a solid marriage and should be proud of that & let the past go. You should tell your mother that you are happy she has or hope someday she find the same happiness that your father has found. Then tell them all that YOU have found that someone you want to have a solid marriage with and a happy future - and that you want and need them all there to be a part of it - simple as that. Put you first on your wedding day and your child(ren) every day they need them to in the future.
I wish you alot of love, happiness, contentment, luck, prosperity, health and good times in your marriage and with your family.
2007-08-20 01:17:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your dad some time to think this over. He is just acting emotionally right now. If he is like me, there is no way, I would let something stand in the way of walking my daughter down the aisle. I wouldn't start making any drastic changes to the wedding plans. I bet he'll come around. You're not being selfish. The problem your dad is having is with your mom and mostly his conscious. He needs to understand that you are his daughter and he needs to be there for you no matter how uncomfortable he is. Its your day and its special.
2007-08-20 00:54:32 · answer #8 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My Sister had a similar problem, our Uncle walked her down the aisle. Our Father did not approve of her getting married, so he did not go to the wedding.
Your Father has unresolved issues and needs help. As to how you can get him to see it your way, (don`t mean to sound manipulative) play on his emotions, say things like" When I was a little girl I always dreamed of the day you would give me away, but now I am very hurt that you won`t do this for me. I`m just asking you to put aside your differences and do this for me, If you don`t come to the reception, that`s fine." Tears in person will definitely help plead your case.
Good luck to you.
2007-08-20 01:16:50 · answer #9 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've heard of the parents walking down the aisle together. And "they" give away the daughter. Can your mother give you away? Do you have a brother? This is terrible, don't be upset he may come around. The fight just happened yesterday and men need time to think. If I was in your situation I would ask my brother-in-law, my mother, my BFF husband. Do you have a close uncle?
EDIT If your father is afraid of what people say, not walking his daughter down the aisle will not look good in the eyes of anyone.
2007-08-20 01:16:03 · answer #10 · answered by Lyla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋