Does it count as rape?

Question

I recently went to a house with my now ex friend and we went to take a nap in a room. He wanted to have sex but I told him that I wasn't in the mood and that I did not want to do it. He'd always been respectful towards me before so I had reason to trust him this time. I asked him to leave so I could strip down and sleep. He returned to the room(I was wearing panties but no bra under the covers) and crawled into bed facing me. To make a long story short, he ended up inside me even though I had explicitly told him that I did not want to have sex with him. I even tried to push him off of me and said 'You know, I didn't say you could put your d*** in me.' He sort of smiled and went about the buisness(I couldn't move him-he outweighs me by almost 100 pounds) I'm just confused as to whether it counts as rape because I was semi- nude. Did I lead him on, and does this count as rape?
*If it was rape, I will not be pressing charges. I don't ever want to see him again-i just want to move on .*

Answer 1

That is most definitely rape!

You shouldn't let him get away with it, but it's your decision.

I'm very sorry.

Answer 2

I did not answer the question because I thought it in a bit of a grey area. She said that she resisted but again, sleeping in his bed? Still, that isn't sufficient reason. It may have been a dumb thing to do but it doesn't give him the right to just do what he wants with her. The way she described 'resisting' though has to make one wonder... As you said, she didn't specifically say if she gave a firm 'no' however that may just be the way she wrote it. In the end though, I think that if you are wondering if it was rape or not it probably wasn't rape. It's an unfortunate situation and you have to remember that she wasn't saying she was running to the police station. I imagine a plethora of answers stating that she is a slut, that this is what feminism has done, that this is the bias society has against men etc... But she is not saying it's rape. She is just asking if it was and clearly saying she didn't 'feel anything' or hate him. I don't want to talk too much about this but a year or so ago a good friend of mine went through something similar. She told me afterward that she froze and was completely scared so she just let him do whatever he wanted. The sad thing is, it still bothers her. It's a terribly unfortunate situation, and I can't help but think a guy like that (or in the question) who just assumes he can start trying to have sex with a girl is probably a jerk. That said though, she didn't say no or try and stop him, so in my eyes that makes him completely not a rapist. Though I didn't say that in so many words I had to try and make her realize this and she did in the end. If the girl in this question asked me for my opinion I would tell her that if she isn't sure she shouldn't go to the police. I would tell her that it was a bad situation but not worth ruining his life over when she doesn't even know if she considers it rape. I would ask her to remember how exactly she resisted and if it was possible he 'didn't get the message'.

Answer 3

I think "the long story short" part has a lot to do with the situation.

Yes, it is technically a rape as you told him NO. No is No is NO. But would it stand up in court, I am not sure. From your story, it does not appear any force or violence was involved. It almost sounds as if you could just got up and left. (but you didn't) You would have very difficult time convincing the judge (and the jury) that the act was criminal. Also, the events leading up to it, such as him indicating his intentions and the fact he came back and you allowed him to be next to you goes against your claim. (assuming you were awake at the time)

I don't think you really need to define if it was rape or not, since you don't intend to press charges against him. The important fact is, he did not respect your wishes and did something very personal (and wrong). That alone should tell you, you should leave him and move on.

Answer 4

Yes, it's rape.

You said NO. Once you say no, for him to do it anyway is rape. You said no repeatedly, and he still forced himself on you. That is the textbook definition of rape.

No man has the right to rape you.

You may also want to reconsider the question of charging him. If he did this to you, he may have done it to others. If he's done it to others or will do it to someone else, he needs to be stopped.

It's harder to make charges stick if you don't do something about it immediately, but it still might be worth trying.

Whatever your decision on that, though, please do consider calling a rape crisis line or talking with a counsellor who works with rape victims. You probably have emotional issues you haven't come to terms with, and you certainly need reassurance that you are not to blame. Let me repeat that: You Are Not To Blame. He Is To Blame. No man has the right to rape you. Simply being in a state of semi-undress is not 'leading him on' - particularly when you told him to leave the room and said specifically that you didn't want to have sex.

Please, call the rape crisis hotline as soon as you see this answer. Get the legal and emotional help you need.

Answer 5

Yes that is rape !! Why won't you press charges? Allowing him to go free and knowing he got away with it will just make him bolder the next time around. Will he come and get you again? Or will he violate some other woman because no one was willing to stand up to him? Are you going to let that happen? NO means NO !!! He deserves to be locked up for that. You didn't lead him on, He came into your room uninvited, The fault isn't yours !! You did nothing wrong.. But what he did IS a CRIME !! He should be punished, Don't let him get away with this !!

Answer 6

Three simple words to live by....no means no.
What you experienced, was rape. It just wasn't violent.
AND, unfortunately, the reason why he will probably do it again....is because you are not going to press charges. Guys like that, need to be taught a lesson.
In response to your other question, no...you did not lead him on. You specifically told him no. AND, when you asked him to leave so you could sleep, coming back in was the start of disrespecting you.

Answer 7

Yes, this is rape. You told him no, you reiterated no, and at no time did you invite him into your body.

Good idea, staying away from him. But technically, you CAN press charges.

Regardless of what he WANTS, if you told him no, you could be standing in front of him stark naked and if he touched you it would be inappropriate.

What a shame that he chose to take advantage of you. He obviously thought you were kidding. I would have yelled or screamed or kicked him. Jerk.

If you have a hard time moving on from this, seek professional help - do NOT let him ruin your own self worth by his inappropriate actions!

Answer 8

Yes, that is most definitely rape. You explicitly told him you didn't want to have sex, and he ignored your feelings and did it anyway. If that's not rape, I have no idea what is. You're not at fault in this, and you did nothing to lead him on.

Even if you don't want to press charges. I'd advise you at least talk to somebody like a therapist to help you move on with your life.

Answer 9

If you said no in any way shape or form and he still went ahead, then it is rape. No means no. He may have misunderstood your intentions as you were semi nude but that doesnt matter as you told him several times you didnt want to and he still did regardless of your wishes. It was an unwanted sexual advance and it was wrong. My advice is never contact him again! Good Luck

Answer 10

Yes, it is rape. Actually, I believe it's considered rape even if you just laid there, you have to GIVE consent, not necessarily deny it. Either way, you explicitly said no, and attempted to physically stop him. It is most definitely rape.

Even if you do not press charges, I suggest that you see a counselor or join a support group, even if you only go a few times.

Good luck, stay strong, and don't let him negatively affect you.

Answer 11

yes it was rape but I am sorry if you dont press charges then to bad for you and what about the next poor girl he does this to!Will you all just let it go I hope not he is a worthless piece of trash and needs to be disposed of!