I don't want to completely lose this guy do I have any hope? I know its long but please read.?

Question

I really love this guy and I care for him very much. After a couple of years of being out of high school, he has finally made a decision on college. He told me his plans and our relationship continued, we were going to stay together. We didn’t discuss it too much, but whenever we did nothing seemed wrong or out of place. He did however talk with me about our relationship. We had a few things that well needed to be dealt with (some outside factors) and it was time that they were taken care of. And that’s what we did. Its weird, but this guy just doesn’t smile a lot. However the last few times we hung out he was all smiles and he even looked at me a little differently, like I was the best thing ever (which I don’t claim to be).
About two weeks after the last time I saw him I told him we needed to talk a few things out before he left, just to clear anything up or make any plans we needed to. I had tried to talk to him a few other times before that, but he was busy running back and forth to school that I didn’t push it until the end. So that weekend we sat down to talk and out of nowhere he told me it was done. He told me at least 3 different reasons why and none of them really made sense. I knew that he was going to be very busy at school, I knew it and I had thought it all through for months because I knew he wouldn’t. That was one thing I wanted to talk to him about and I wanted to tell him that even if it got tough that I would there for him and that we could just take our time if we needed to. He tried to tell me that he didn’t like me anymore, but I know it’s a lie. In certain parts of our relationship things were finally coming together and were getting closer than ever. All our friends say he still likes me. I’m not saying he doesn’t know how he feels, but it was too quick and I know he is just pushing me away because he has so much going on right now. I tried to talk to him the next day and told him to take time and that he was confused and busy and he told me that no he wasn’t and that was his decision. And the night before he did make it seem very final, with everything that was said.
This was all about a month ago and he actually left for school today. We still want to be friends and are though we have barely talked since. This guy, his future and everything about him is important to me. I don’t want to make his life harder right now, but I don’t want to lose him either. I know I am going to give him, and myself, some space and time, but I also feel as though I should try and discuss things with him again. I know he thinks cutting me out was best and easiest ,and if time is what he needs right now then it is. However (maybe in a month or two) I want to try talk to him again about all of this. I think he needs time to settle down and get into the rhythm of school. I think I also need to relax and think everything out. However when I do try to talk with him I don’t want him to panic and push me away without listening to me either, I was thinking maybe writing him a letter. I think it would be calmer and it wouldn’t seem like there is so much pressure to do anything, except maybe contact me. Do you think that if we do still have feelings for each other, and that if I give him time and space, that he can rethink and come around from his previous decision?

Answer 1

you need to move on, he has.

Answer 2

Well now, finally, someone with some smarts. I like how you've come across here. It seems as though you have a good head on your shoulders.

Keep in mind that he may be wanting to keep his options open while he is away at school. What I mean is that if an opportunity to date someone at school comes along, he may wish to do so rather than be alone. Being alone gets old after a while.

He may very well regret his decision down the road when, on some lonely night, he's laying in bed thinking of you and wishing you were together. But, who knows how long it will take if he ever wants to get back together.

You could just give him his freedom and stay friends while he's at school and then when he graduates, if neither of you have fallen in love with another, you may talk about getting back together.

I do think that the more you press the issue, the worse it will be. Would you rather he set you free now or find out later that he has been cheating behind your back for a couple of months with more than just a couple of girls?

Give him his space and stay friends without any pressure. Then, if it's meant to be, he'll beg you to take him back when he's ready.

Good Luck

.

Answer 3

Basically this is what I have to say--
This is a confusing situation yeah, but if things were meant to be then they were meant to be.

Definitely give him some space and time to get things with school figured out. It can be pretty hectic.
Take it from me- I'm a soldier's girlfriend and when guys get busy they tend to push things away. However, he may need you. He might need that support and encouragement.

On the other hand... you need to look at the facts and think. Is this really meant to be ? Do I really know that he still has feelings for me ?

You definitely should talk to him and find out how he feels, but in the mean time I'd say give it a little time and see if you still feel the same and if you guys are even still talking by the time you feel its right to bring up the topic.


Hope that helps.. at least a little. Good luck ! =)

Answer 4

Sounds like he's trying to leave everything behind by going away to schoo, like he wasn't happy with life in genera.l. But at the same time it sounds like you two had a great relationship. Make him aware that you truely love him and don't want to lose him. Don't let him think he can go off to school, go crazy, be with any girl he sees and still have you waiting back at home though. He should respect you more than that. It is a tough situation cause it sounds like he does have alot going on with school and all. I think a letter would be good... but in it make it clear that you are in love with him... the person he is now. If he goes off does a bunch of crazy things, he won't be the same guy. Make him aware of that and don't let him think he can come back and pick things up where they left off and where he left you behind. Its a good idea to give it time and space but don't accept him if he's a changed or different person.

Answer 5

It sounds like he's concerned about having a relationship distract him from his work at college, and that having a relationship would limit his ability to be social at school. (I speak from experience on this one - going into college in a relationship makes it very hard to get to know people, even on an acquaintance level.) He may also be concerned about the long-distance relationship thing as well.

I would like to think that after a while, you could revisit the idea of a relationship with him, but chances are that he might jump into some sort of fling while he's in school early on (a lot of people do when they start college - another thing I've seen in my experiences. Don't know why, per se.) I think, though, that if you keep in contact with him enough to stay on his radar while he's getting settled in that you can talk to him around the time he would be getting off for the holidays about getting into something.

Don't panic about it - just keep in contact with him and let him know you still care about him.

Answer 6

If you really want to write the letter, do it as an informative letter. That way he can read your feelings and not be pressured to respond. Let him know that you are still there for him and you won't push this.

That way he can see your point of view and he's not being forced back into that conversation. Assuming there's no one else he seems to be focused on his plan and doesn't want to drag you along or have you feel like your being played.

Answer 7

You can not make the person that you love, love you back. It is his decision to move on, and you should probably do the same. He may not want to be tied down while attending school. It really doesn't matter what his reasons are, you need to back off, and move on. He will come back, if he really does care, but I would not sit by and wait.

Answer 8

It incredibly seems such as you the two have merely grown aside, a minimum of he has, incredibly. i've got faith that there is somebody specific accessible for you, I do. yet, it incredibly is not the guy you wanted or dreamed of, not him. it incredibly is accessible that he could on no account be waiting to recover from the certainty which you hit him in the previous. You have been incorrect for ever laying a hand on him, in spite of your motives, it replaced into incorrect. He now has a sparkling existence, as a police officer and probably, needs to commence a sparkling existence that doesn't incorporate you in it anymore. besides, his inquiring for a divorce could desire to immediately allow you to comprehend that he's accomplished with you. Your existence does not come to an end, because of the fact your marriage has. lower back, there is somebody accessible for you, you in hassle-free terms could desire to attend and notice on your seek for him.

Answer 9

i would say, giving it time would be the best.
but then, time may not be so good, because you dont wana wait too long. other things can come up.
-girls
-stress
-more work
but it seems like he still has feelings for you. i would give it a month or so before seeing him in person, and talking about the subject again
hope to have helped

Answer 10

The guy u r talking about is unreliable. Forget about him as soon as possible for ur better future.

Answer 11

The question is, why wait? Talk to him about it and ask what his decision is. If it's no, he's a goner.