me and my partner are leaving to a different country for a couple of years and i don't no whether we should introduce me to the kids before leaving or when we come back. they are 8 and 6 now. we are also planing on marryin while overseas.
so if i should meet them now, who should i tell them i am? where to meet them? i have no idea whatg to do and neither does he.
thanks for any help
2007-08-19 19:01:40 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
. i am female and my partner is male
2007-08-19 19:33:05 · update #1
hey beautiful
dont try to be thier mother .. just be youself and tell them the truth.. dont bang it on them.. say it to them slowly and camly!!
good luck!
2007-08-19 22:15:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have read your other questions. Cause this just didn't sound right to me that you haven't meet his kids yet. Is the man your going to marry the same bf you asked the other questions about???
This is non of my business. But, I think your relationship with this man has some hidden secrets. Did you have an affair with this man? Cause that's the way it sounds. Cause it is funny how you said he would hang up on you all the time when you would be on the phone. What grown man does that? Maybe one that is disrespectful. I think you better rethink leaving with him and marrying him. Sounds like your trying to run away from something. That's why your avoiding the meeting with the kids.
But if you think your so in love with this man and that you think you have to marry him. I think you need to meet the kids. They understand what gos on. More than us adults know. If you guys run off for two yrs and marry and come back. Its going to upset the kids and make them have more anger against you and him. They may never forgive you. They will think they did something wrong and feel abandoned from their father. They might not like the idea, but they need to know and deserve to know what is going on and the truth. Cause they are family. Not only family but his kids. They will adjust sooner or later. When you do introduce yourself. You tell the truth, your his fiancee. I think the dad needs to sit down 1st and explain whats going on. then when they meet you take them out for dinner. Something fun. That always lighten the mood. And try to get involved. The more they like hanging with you. The better they will except you. If he doesn't do this. I would tell him your not going without them knowing whats going on and who you are. Cause bailing is not the way out. You will have to deal with lots more when you get back.
2007-08-19 19:16:20 · answer #2 · answered by darlingnicky772 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he needs to introduce you as his girlfriend and be honest about that. He (along with his ex) need to talk to the kids together about how he will be marrying you. Make sure you don't try to be there mom and you understand your place as only the girlfriend and future stepmom. Will he be seeing him kids during these two years? If not then you will have a new problem on your hand when you come back. They may feel like you are a reason he left them. Just be prepared for anything. Kids that age are old enough to really express their opinions on these things.
2007-08-19 19:11:37 · answer #3 · answered by momof3boys 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have 2 kids 13 and 6 2 boys my wife and i got married and moved to korea we will be here for another 4 months out of the year contract i really think its important you meet them so you can talk to them when you 2 call when you say partner if you are the same sex id not tell them its to much for kids at that young to understand and the baby mamma is gonna freak out and think its ur fault email me if you got more ?S like to know where you are going and there is laws the kids mom can pull some tricky ****,im gonna have my wife answer her screen name is amy she knows exactly what your going through shes gonna answer in a minute she was in the same situation,im the dad shes now the step mom i read futher glad your a man and woman
2007-08-19 19:13:33 · answer #4 · answered by jd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should had met them a long time ago, if your planning marriage, his kids will always be a part of your life, and now that your leaving Why now?, if he hasn't broke the ice yet, why bother, either way it will be detrimental, he should had told them about you first and let them get use to the idea and talking about you to them and how he feels first, then bring you into their lives slowly but surely, because it has to happen.
2007-08-19 19:15:23 · answer #5 · answered by peaches1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be as natural as you can and don't try and replace their mom. You are lucky in the sense that they are at a young enough age for them to respond well to you as long as you are yourself with them-they will know if your are scared and will take advantage of that.
Bring them to the movies and for dinner or something. Ask your partener what they like to do and the four of you can do it together.
Relax and it may even be fun. Good Luck
2007-08-19 22:42:29 · answer #6 · answered by strictmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want the first time they meet you to be like here is your new step mom. It will be easier on them in stages. Meet them now then your not just some stranger their dad married.
You don't have to tell them who you are except your name and hang out with them and get to know them. Don't say you will be marrying their dad. Just get to know them. Take them some place that is fun that you can entertain them and get to know them at the same time.
While you are over seas you can still build a relationship with them. My step sons live in another country but I write, email, send them stuff, and talk to them on the phone.
2007-08-19 20:17:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He initially had a weigh down on me while he became a sophomore and that i became a freshman and constantly saved a seat for me on the bus to college. Even introduced me a lost glove as quickly as and asked me out yet I became him down :O( Then, surprisingly while he became a Senior and that i became a Junior, our eyes met innocently sufficient as i became entering my homeroom and he became putting out with yet another of my classmates on the time. the relationship became made and we've been jointly ever because. We began relationship completely then upon commencement he went into the army, and my kinfolk moved yet we stayed in touch by skill of letters, for here 12 months, have been given engaged and married a 12 months later in 1966 and settled in California. we've been an merchandise with one yet another I discern for 40 5 of our sixty one years and married for 40-one in each of them. A tournament meant to be i might say.
2016-11-12 23:19:00 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be kind but honest. Take them somewhere fun for them and just tell them how much you care for their father. Let them know that you would never interfere between them & their father (and mean it!). Do not try to be a Mom, just a friend.
2007-08-19 19:11:36 · answer #9 · answered by sweetmommy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you one thing if you guys go off and marry with out meeting his kids they will definatly hate you.. Tell them you can be there new friend. Theyll slowly exeot you and get the idea of you being with there dad!
2007-08-19 19:08:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, meet them. Get to know them. Just don't push them to call you mom. It's better to meet them now than later though. Good luck.
2007-08-19 19:35:25 · answer #11 · answered by Gorgeous 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋