what do i say to my sister who just lost her one month old baby?

Question

my sister put her one month old baby in bed with her and she rolled over on it in her sleep. when she woke up it was dead. she is so so sick with hurt right now and i just don't know what i can even say. i know there is nothing i can say to help her but i have to say something and i want to use the right words. she loved that baby so much, he was her everything

Answer 1

Here's a rare online Christian classic about a young woman who was granted a vision of heaven in the mid !800's, and one of the things she saw was what happened to babies when they arrived in heaven, how they were cared for by the angels. If your sister is a believer it may be some comfort to her:

http://quod.lib.umich.edu/cgi/b/bib/bibperm?q1=AFZ0722.0001.001

just click on the URL and begin to read.

Answer 2

You may want to try to get her some counselling, her guilt is probably going to be horrendous, even as time goes on.

It's one thing to have a baby die, it's another to have caused it, even by accident. See if there is a support group anywhere in your area for parents who have accidentally killed their children - I know there are several groups for parents who have accidentally backed their vehicles over their kids, for instance. These people say it is much different and much harder, the loss of a child this way, than if it just died from illness or whatever. They also say it's way beyond what anyone can help with in the family, the person really needs a support group to help them through this time.

Do a websearch, or look in the phonebook and see if there is maybe a SIDS support group and start there contacting them and asking the people who run it if they know of any support groups for parents like your sister's situation. If anyone would know of a group like that in your area they would.

You could also call up your local hospital and ask to speak to the Social Worker there. He or she would definitely know of any support group like that for your sister.

You can tell your sister that you love her no matter what, and that you are so sorry that this happened. And then suggest that she join a support group to help her get through this - hopefully you will have the phone number and name of one to give her.

Answer 3

that is a horrible thing to have to go through, i lost a baby a long time ago and i will never get over it. you are right there is nothing that you can say to make it easier on her. the important thing is to be there for her to talk to when she needs it. you may want to watch her closely for signs that she may hurt herself, that was something that i struggled with a lot at first and still struggle with every year on mother's day because that was when i buried my baby. maybe you could visit a support group to find out how parents that have dealt with something similar have gotten through it. i really hope this helps and i am so sorry for her loss, nothing hurts more than losing a child, you can never truly heal from a loss like that. just try to be there for her the best that you can and help her to not blame herself.

Answer 4

Wow, that is tough! I'm so sorry for your loss and your sister's extreme pain. Your being there for her during these days of need will go a long way for both of you; make sure that you also find it in you to remind her constantly --or whenever it comes up-- that she is not to blame herself for her baby's death. Tell her that it was truly an accident.

I'm wondering aloud here, whether or not she may need some additional [psychiatric] assistance to get over such great loss. Just a thought.

Peace be with you... and your sister.

Answer 5

That is tragic, I am incredibly sorry to hear that.

I don't think there are any words for a situation like this. The only thing that is real in this type of event is prayer. I would suggest listening to your sister's grief - as much as you can. Then, if she is open to it, just pray with her. Ask God to come into the situation in a powerful way and bring comfort and hope to your sister. He will be faithful to do that. Prayer is the only thing with real currency in this type of heart-breaking situation. God Bless you.

Answer 6

What an awful thing to happen. I can only imagine how she must feel. You cannot take away the pain, but you can help her keep her reason. Let her hear you say that you know how much she loved the child and don't let her forget that it was an accident, a terrible accident. Help her seek counseling, but don't try to stop her from grieving. Grieving is normal and necessary. Perhaps it would help her to be in counseling with other parents who have suffered similar tragedies.

Answer 7

there are times for words and there are times for u to keep ur words to urself. just be with her. cry with here. when she blames herself guide her thoughts and words from that to something else. this is the time to give ur sis a lot of hugs. huging will actually cleanse her and repair her wounds if u do it without any judgement in ur heart. examine ur heart and determine it is full of love for ur sis than go and be with her. slowly draw ur sis to other activities including family.

finding and going to a word of God based church can help. times of corporate worship are often times of healing. she needs the reassurance that her baby is with Jesus and will be there to greet her happily when she comes to heaven. so encourage her to live a Godly life. show her slowly how to be a Godly woman in thought and deed. right now there is nothing u can say abt the incident that can make much sense.

Answer 8

Not only did your sister lose a baby, but you have lost a niece or nephew. While I have no words of wisdom to offer your sister, allow me to extend to you my condolences on the loss of your loved one.

I can't imagine the pain that you and your family are feeling, and my heart goes out to you.

Answer 9

I'm so so very sorry. That just leaves a sick feeling in my gut.
There really isnt anything you can say. There are no words.
Like the others have said, Just hug her and let her cry and let her talk. You just need to be there to comfort her.

Answer 10

Tell her the reason why,,, was probably that the baby was just too good for this world. That's why God wanted him back so soon. She will see him again. They will be happy together again.