Why doesn't he just leave me alone?!?

Question

My ex emailed me out of the blue after 7 years. After about a month of emailing back and forth he finally told me he is married. He also told me that he always wondered what could have been between us and that he still thought of me often after all these years. I stopped contact with him as I knew that it is not appropriate to keep in contact with him being that he is married. Now, after a few months he is instant messaging me again. He just asked me why he hasn't heard from me in awhile. Do you think he really just wants to be friends and that the odd email or IM is harmless or should I tell him to leave me alone? Can ex's really just be friends, even after years apart??

Answer 1

Trust me, he's not emailing you because he wants to be 'friends.' He wants to be unfaithful to his wife. He is probably emailing a bunch of women he knows, looking for someone to take the bait. He is a cheater, and you should be grateful that you're not the one who ended up with him. He's also dishonest... if he wanted to be just friends, he wouldn't have waited a month to tell you he was married. How'd you like to be his wife and know what he's doing? Avoid him. You can email him once to say "leave me alone" or you can just ignore him.

Answer 2

If you haven't heard from him in 7 years, doesn't sound like he's a stalker or anything. Sometimes, people get a little melancholy and wonder about their ex's. Not a big deal. Perhaps you were on his mind. Perhaps he is going through a rough spot in his marriage, in which case the 'what could have been's' always seem a lot more romantic than they actually were.

If you were corresponding with him, then abruptly stopped, I'm not surprised he wants to know what happened. Simply let him know, you wish him well but feel funny about conversing with a married man you have a past with, especially after all these years. If he persists, then you can ignore him. Sounds like he is likely after more than just friendship, or he would have told you from the start he was married.

Answer 3

He may be contacting you for lots of reasons, him an his wife arent great, hes bored, or he simply still has feelings for you. You can just simply tell him that you dont feel right when you talk to him because of the situation that used to be, an hes married. Tell him it was nice talking to him, but you dont feel as if its harmless talk. Just ignore him, too, he'll go away.

Answer 4

I am divorced from my 1st wife and am happily married in my 2nd marriage of almost 20 years.

I would not continue contact with your ex. No good can come from it.

You don't want him back, do you?

He may begin stalking you if you keep up these games.

Live and learn!! Be wise and be safe!!

Good luck!!

Answer 5

I'm going to have to agree with Cdani.

This kind of behavior would point to him being unhappy in his current relationship, and for whatever reason he wants to revisit things with you.

I do believe that Ex's can remain friends though. My ex-wife and I get along fine. We don't go out and party or anything but from time to time we will chat on the phone. We have kids together but we talk about all sorts of stuff.

She called me when she was getting remarried and I called her when I booted my ex-girlfriend out. We used to be close (obviously, we had kids together) and I don't think that closeness ever really disappears, it just changes. I wouldn't want to be remarried to her, but I value her friendship.

Answer 6

it is entirley possible to be firends
but there has to be limits
one of my exes is one of my best friends
ive known him for like 10 yrs or more
and my husband knows about it
you just have to make sure that hes on the same page
you can tell him youd like to be friends (if you want to be of course) but theres got to be rules about what you can say and do
for him to say hes wondered about what would happen is kind of riding the line of whats appropriate and whats not
you guys could talk but not hang out
unless she is with him
also she has to be ok with it too
i would suggest that you ask him what his wife thinks
and if he says shes cool then suggest that you talk to her on the phone (or even less "suspicious" would be to ask them both out to hang out as a group) and obviously if he has a problem with that or makes an excuse i would have to wonder you know
and if that happens just tell him...youre not comfortable being friends unless youre sure his wife is ok with that....like from the horses mouth, not through the grapevine
cause what happens is he lies and says shes cool
then she finds out you guys are talking or whatever
thenks its more because he hid it or lied to her
and then shes mad at you and wants to beat you down and all that jazz
just use caution hun...and it is a hassle but if hes a good friend its worth it

Answer 7

His marriage must be bad. If you want t talk to him, keep it friendly but nothing sexual in content. It's possible you could have an irate wife on your doorstep sometime in the future. Just be nice without encouraging intimacy.

Answer 8

Highly unlikely!! I thimk that you should have any contact he could make with you blocked. Have his e- mails, calls, anything blocked. It sounds to me like he is unhappy in his marriage and is looking to you to make it better. He is married so leave it be. That can be a warning sign right there. Not only is he socially incorrect, but morally incorrect as well. I would play it safe and drop ALL CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good luck

Answer 9

I think he just wants the satisfaction of knowing that you will be around even if he isn't with you anymore. I think if he's not over you even though he is married then it is really his problem. Don't talk to him would be my suggestion.

Answer 10

To me it seems that he real did like you and wants to remine friends with u. Just tell him how u feel about the whole situation with him emailing you and crap.