The thing is, I never liked the guy, in fact, he was at least at one time very rude to me, and at best acted snobbish around me like he thought he was better than me. My boyfriend only knew him because he was a sound-guy for his old band a year ago. They were friendly, but not "friends". I know that people will expect me to be at his funeral, but it seems wrong to me that I should go when the only feeling I harbor for the guy is distaste (no-one that expects to see me there knows I disliked him, I hid it well). I'm not even sorry he died, I mean, yeah, sucks to be him, but I just couldn't care less one way or the other (I'm sure he has some family that misses him, and I do feel bad for them). So, should I go, and be holding back rolling my eyes when they give his eulogy (cause he was a jerk, and I know they will probably be making him out to be perfect in every way), or should I just stay home and send my boyfriend with a cake or something to give to his family?
2007-08-19 15:11:09 · 74 answers · asked by Phaewryn 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Yes you should go. They have free food at funerals. And of course, you can use it as a great bargaining chip against your boyfriend.. " ... remember the time you DRAGGED me to Dave's funeral even though you know I hated him...."
2007-08-19 15:16:51 · answer #1 · answered by struds2671 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You should go and show respect for your boyfriend to his family, just because the two of you didn't get a long doesn't give you the right to roll your eyes during his eulogy ... and even if you don't care about him .. he had a life ... a short one, imagine how his family must feel, how your boyfriend must feel ... to lose someone .. anyone is hard and for you to harbor ill will toward the dead is rude and immature ... be thankful it wasn't some one in your family and pray that no one will roll their eyes at your funeral.
2007-08-19 16:08:48 · answer #2 · answered by emnari 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you harbor some ill feelings towards him that would be best to let go. Maybe attending his funeral and listening to those who loved and truly saw the best in him might help you to let some of those judgements behind. There is good in every life, inspite of our mistakes. If you truly believe that you are going to be rolling your eyes at his eulogy, than I would say no, don't attend. Do you want people rolling their eyes at your funeral and remembering every rude and selfish thing you've done or said probably out of insecurity anyways? But if you truly want to learn something more about someone you probably never truly knew, especially from those who love him, then it may be a good thing to go. For you even more than for him.
2007-08-19 15:23:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A funeral is not really for the deceased. It is for the one's left behind. This guy was a friend of your boyfriend. What do you think your boyfriend will think if you can't even support him with this tiny thing. You will go to the funeral for your boyfriend and hope that when the time comes he will support you in the same way. Personally, I'm a little shocked at your selfishness!!
2007-08-19 15:24:43 · answer #4 · answered by b_friskey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're boyfriend would like you to go, I would go regardless of how you feel about the deceased. Because funerals are so emotional, it is nice to have someone there by your side. HOWEVER, if your boyfriend is ok with you not going, then I would stay home and just send a card. Like my Dad always said, if you don't want to come and see me when I'm alive, don't come and see me when I'm dead.
No offense, I totally get where you're at. But truly, the dead guy probably doesn't want you their, either. Ha.
2007-08-19 15:27:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi..
Sometimes, doing the right thing isn't always easy..
But out of respect ..You attend the funeral with your boyfriend, like a young lady..Do not roll your eyes..Just give your condolences to his family.. whether he acted like a jerk or not, he was still a human being, taken from this world to soon. So sit down with your boyfriend.. Stay a little while, sign the visitors book..and leave..That's it..
Take Care
2007-08-19 16:00:20 · answer #6 · answered by howdoilvthee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you not, for a moment, feel pity for this guy? You know yourself better than anybody, perhaps you should risk the fallout and not go? Can you put aside your distaste for the fellow and go for your boyfriend's sake? It is rather distasteful of you to suggest that people would lie at a funeral - perhaps they will but do you know that for sure? Yes, perhaps you are right and you should just stay home out of the way....
2007-08-19 15:18:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with some of the others here. Usually you go to funerals to support the living, not the dead. I would go and to make it bearable just tell yourself you are there for your boyfriend. It's a small gesture but it might mean a lot for him, especially if he doesn't know a lot of the other people attending the funeral.
2007-08-19 15:16:02 · answer #8 · answered by crysent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living. So what he was a jerk, but he has family and friends that are hurting. It would be nice to know they have your support if they are expecting you. It's one day, go show you support then you can forget about it. Just because he was a jerk doesn't mean you can't be a good person.
2007-08-19 15:15:18 · answer #9 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, if you feel that way about the man, don't go. If people ask where you were say you had a previous engagement you couldn't get out of . You might just send the family a sympathy card and say sorry for your loss and that's it .
Showing up at someone's funeral whom you didn't particularly like is hypocrtical.
2007-08-19 15:18:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend wants you to be with him and he feels the family of the deceased wouldn't mind, you should go. Once there, just stand (or sit) quietly (without expression of how you felt about the guy) and stay close to your boyfriend. In a couple of hours it's be over. You'll be respected as being a mature and sensitive person.
2007-08-19 15:19:50 · answer #11 · answered by jslatkin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋