Pot-Luck Wedding....thoughts?

Question

Well, my fiance and I would like to have a potluck wedding to cut on cost, and then just insist guests don't worry about going all out with wedding gifts, and just feeding us instead. Anyway, I was thinking of sending out maybe three nicely done recipe cards with invitations and requesting guests make one of the three dishes. Any thoughts on this? Is this too tacky, and should we just do the whole catered thing instead?

Answer 1

True etiquette would say that this is not acceptable because guests at your wedding should be just guests.

But in modern times if you are having a smaller family affair maybe at home or a local hall, pot luck would be acceptable.

Heres the catch, you do not ask your guests in your invitation to bring food. What you can do is talk to your mom, aunts, uncles, cousins by phone and see if they would like to arrange the food for you. If they think it's a bad idea then you have your answer.

If you are having a fairly large reception I would definitely get a caterer. One way to save money is to have an early afternoon wedding and only have a buffet with heavy appetizers instead of a full meal.
Good luck!

Answer 2

They say you can do whatever you want at your own wedding, but I think it depends on the situation. If this is a small affair and everyone lives where the wedding will be happening, then, yes, I think you could get away with it and it would even be fun. But if people are coming in from out of town, you can't expect them to cook (obviously). If people travel to get there, it is expected that you will serve them a catered meal. That doesn't mean you have to, but just so you know, it's kind of expected. Finally, if you do decide to have a potluck, I really don't think you can tell people what to cook. What if they're not good cooks and it doesn't come out right? You probably will need some way of keeping track of who makes what, just so you don't end up with 20 desserts and 1 main dish, so that's a whole other ball of wax. But if you approach it in an organized way, you can figure it out.

Answer 3

This may not make sense, but in my head it does. lol. When people hear the words wedding reception, many feel that it's something formal with a fancy dinner. Maybe change the wording from reception to something such as a "potluck party to celebrate your wedding day" (something along those lines). If you were doing the potluck, I would make it casual and let people chose what dishes they want to bring. There are many dishes, and don't worry about people bringing the same things... in my past experience there's always been a good selection at potlucks that I've had without giving anyone specific dishes to bring.

Good luck!

Answer 4

kinda tacky for me you can cater affordable threw different locations or even do a BBQ hamburgers hot dogs and chicken are somewhat cheep if you do decide to do a pot luck ask your guest to make there signature dishes and if you dint want 500 desserts say you would love a appetizers or entree or soup and make up different combos and also to include 5 recipe cards then you can have a wishing well with recipes vs money and then have three cards to give away during the party and one for people to see to make sure it doesn't conflict with allergy's and when you do your thank you you can send everyone a print out of the special dishes you got
or my favorit idea why not get the bridal party moms dads and aunts uncles and a few close cousins together and help cook some food you can buy or rent hot pads to keep the food hot and you dont need off the wall food do a pasta dish and ham some mashed potoatos rice mix veggies an be done with it and have cake you can do that all very cheep like 10.00 a head if not even cheeper

Answer 5

#1:Quote from your question "then just insist guests don't worry about going all out with wedding gifts and just feeding us instead"....

Ok...THAT is tacky! Never, EVER presume you can dictate what your guest does about a gift...Your guests are in NO way obligated to bring you a gift...a gift is chosen by the giver, and given from the heart. You can't tell them "Don't go all out on my presents", like they should have gone all out, but you are letting them off the hook by having them cook for you. You Never, Ever mention gifts, registries, money or anything along those lines in your wedding invitations. You have no right to tell your guests what to give you for your wedding...if they choose to give you anything at all.

Now, to answer your question about the Pot-Luck idea in general:

#2: It depends on your culture, your guest list, and the size of the event.

If you are only going to have your closest family and friends, and you are talking about a wedding reception with less than 50 people, a pot luck might work for you, especially if it is part of your cultural upbringing to have similar "pot luck weddings". You need to know your guests though. If it is all family and close friends, and you know they will not mind pitching in with food, then go for it.

Be aware your reception will need to be MUCH more laid back. You can not plan a formal black tie affair, and then make your guests provide the menu!!

Also, do NOT send out recipe cards with the invitations. You may wish to have a list and request that some guests bring a potato dish...a meat dish...a veggie dish...but having your guests bring their own homemade, personal dish is better than grabbing something out of a cookbook and telling them "If you want to come to my party, make this".

If, however, you are going to have a more traditional guest list of family, friends, aquaintences, distant family, co-workers....then no, do not do a pot luck. You are inviting people to attend a party...not to cater your event...and if your guests are not all people who know you and your fiance well, they will probably be offended by being asked to cook for you.

Answer 6

That brings so many people together, they get to prepare their best dish, and give you the recipe for it. It also allowes folks to contribute to your wedding. Not tacky at all. Some of the best weddings I have done are the home reception. A woderful wedding ceremony, and off to the reception. It adds a loving touch, includes guests from all ages, and you get the advantage of Great Aunt Lucy's recipe! Chaplain Debby Weddng officiate

Answer 7

The recipe cards in the invitation sounds very tacky.
If the cost of catering is the only issue, politely ask close relatives and friends if they could possibly prepare a dish for the reception as your wedding present. Or, have the wedding in the middle of the afternoon and only serve dessert, fruit and punch. Another thought is to have a small wedding with all the trimmings.

Answer 8

Hi Beth C,

LQQK if you want do the pot-luck I'd ask everyone in the family, some close relatives on your side & his-that way you won't offend other guests.
Delegate one of the parents to take charge of this so you don't wind up with 20 jello, 20 bean cassroles,20 pots of meatballs etc.
I personally did this for my oldest son's wedding it was a big hit we had all kinda wonderful, cassroles, potatoes-twice baked, potato salad, cole slaws, meatballs-weiners babr-a-qued, baked beans, cold cuts with cheese, chicken, beef, varies breads, jello molds, olives,pickles, veggie trays, fruit trays we had enough food for at least 4 other weddings everyone took home free samples & we still had enough for the guests when the newly weds opened their presents the next day (kinda a brunch). We had a big tents as we had an outdoor wedding also.
Additional Details: It's your wedding do what makes both you & your fiance happy! Never mind what others think it's your big day not there's. You could do catered your choice though.
Congrats & have a good time. :0)

Answer 9

I would not send out recipe cards, but maybe food suggestions, for example...some getting the veggie card, some get a fruit card, etc. Then let them decide what to bring. A potluck is fine in place of gifts...but you need to make sure your guests are aware of that.

Answer 10

I know how expensive a wedding can be, but to be honest, this does sound a little tacky. If you're worried about cutting cost than cut down on the guest list and have the event catered by one of your favorite restaurants. The food that you serve does not have to be five star. At our wedding we had barbecue (chicken, pulled pork, coleslaw, cornbread...) from a popular restaurant in town and kegs of beer, and everyone had a great time and loved the food. Also, it was a buffet line. Good luck!