How dangerous is a person with borderline personality disorder?

Question

My husband has borderline personality disorder and now it is believed he has rad...reactive attachment disorder, as well. I looked up the symptoms and believe there may be reason for concern especially since he lacks understanding of cause and affect as well as having a lack of empathy for others. For example, when our youngest was two, he grabbed a butcher knife I had left on the counter, I know...that was stupid...My husband saw him take it and run off with it. All he did about it was say, "Well, you'll learn to put things away when he stabs someone or falls on it and dies." I yelled, "grab it from him." He responded, "You get it, you are the one who left it out...." I can't understand that behavior. Our other older children couldn't understand it either. It was obvious to all of us that the risk of the baby's getting injured meant nothing to him so much as the fact that "I" was the one who had made a mistake. How dangerous is he? Could he kill us in our sleep? Shoot us?

My husband has all the symptoms listed under borderline personality disorder, but really has every symptom of RAD Reactive Attachment disorder....The story I shared is an example that he will go to any extent to prove he is not at fault and that you are. He is not lazy, in fact he is very hyper. He doesn't care what the outcome of his actions or inaction is. He flies into a rage and is not rational when he does. This is what led me to fear for my family. He decides at the drop of a hat that I am against him and that the kids are against him....he may get over it in a few days, weeks, or minutes. No one ever knows what he will do or when. He is like living with a live bomb that will explode you just don't know when. He is verbally, emotionally abusive. On my way to have heart surgery he said, "So, you might die, everyone is going to so get over it." "Think about me, I have to work and take care of the kids for two whole weeks." I don't have the space for all of his quirks....

Answer 1

I doubt if your husband can kill anyone except himself if his condition deteriorates to a point where he doesn't want to live anymore. This is rare in the case of Borderline Personality Disorder but it has happened. You must understand that this illness is one that rarely responds to a therapist no matter how good they are. The person with BPD swings back and forth like a pendulum. I love you. I hate you. all in one day. You are sick...I ignore you. I have my own problems. Look at this picture of me that I took with my phone camera. Don't I look terrible? The desire for sympathy. No empathy for others. It is rare. I must tell you in all candor that living with a person with BPD is a nightmare and I do not believe that it will get better. Ask your husband outright and without a sign of fear.....could you kill us while we sleep? Are you a threat to the family? Tell me the truth. Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel however be prepared for some purely selfish and often idiotic answers.

Answer 2

you all appear terribly misinformed I suffer from personality disorder and also worked as a registered mental tnurse for 26yrs . the main danger is to the person suffering from pd ie self harm and suicide attempts that can often end in death{I myself died for a few minutes following a od and respiratory failure} relationships are hard but I had 3 long term relationships at well over a decade each so not impossible. whilst for the last few decades pd has been considered untreatable there has been a huge u turn on this perception and a form of cognitive behavioural therapy proving very effective. so yes its difficult living with pd for sufferers family loved ones etc no more dangerous than so called normal people {is there such a thing} and what uneducated uncaring people see as attention seeking manipulative impulsive etc is a person in very real psychological distress, magnify your own emotions by ten and you may have a idea but no empathy. its a very real recognised mental illness {now} and I would not wish it on my worst enemy , so not only are some of the previous comments wrong, unhelpful, and unpleasant but frankly insulting. WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES

Answer 3

Famous Borderlines

Answer 4

I think a lot of the comments on BPD are actually pretty accurate,despite how much people are trying to defend it.
I have BPD, granted I am a pretty severe case and there are different degrees of this disorder. My BPD really manifests itself in my romantic relationships but I become absolutely demonic and it saddens me to have to admit that I do think I am capable of really hurting someone or even killing them if certain buttons get pushed too hard. I am currently involved with a man and we have been on and off for 2 years, I can honestly say that i am glad he has pushed my buttons over the phone and not in person and glad that he has strict security at his housing estate because I think there would have been many occasions I would have done something terrible. Severe cases of BPD really are THAT bad.
I am on meds now, the dosage is really high and it's still not as effective as it should be. My boyfriend ignored me for a week so I faked my own death to get a reaction from him. Its BAD

Answer 5

I do have BPD, and a lot of these comments are saying that people with BPD are capable of killing, or badly hurting someone. There definitely is a lot of ignorance about BPD, and I will say this: Anybody is capable of killing someone, or hurting someone. While some murderers and/or criminals have mental illness, it's more likely that they will not have one. Having a disorder does not automatically make you dangerous. Yes, he may have an episode, but if he was to hurt someone, it would be out of rage, not pre planned.

People with BPD can get better, if they take medicine or stick with therapy. It could also get better as the person ages. He doesn't necessarily pose a 'danger' to you or your children, but if it gets bad enough, I suppose he could.

Answer 6

I can't believe you people have said all this about people with BPD... It's actually quite shocking and you lot have such little understanding. You all know that you all show more lack of empathy than any of these people. The fact you think that these people are psychopathic or whatever is not what boderline personality behaviour is. Psychopaths CAN have boderline personality disorder, but it doesn't mean the two are always together. There is way too much stigma around this and you lot make me sad because it's actually why people have to hide it or end up killing themselves. You think you know mental health problems but you don't even have a ******* clue. Seriously. You all should go educate yourselves and stop assuming the worst in people who have these problems. You don't deserve them. If you did you'd not be treating them like they're bad people. Jeeezuz.

Answer 7

I was married, lost my virginity and had my only child all with a woman who has BPD. I got her into psychiatrist and a marriage therapist, things got better a few months after baby was born but she never loved me and I tried to change that but it was impossible I would have done anything for her I forgave her for giving me an STD etc. nothing I ever did was good enough. I have read loving someone with BPD and Loving someone with Borderline Personality disorder. I have managed to find another BPD we have dated for 3 years off and on and it will most likely never be ideal. Iove her and this time this BPD loves me back, I am going to counseling to see if it is doable since now I am a lot more equipped to handle the rollercoaster ride..

Answer 8

I don't think he's necessarily going to kill people while they sleep; but it sure sounds like he has poor judgment.

I worked in mental health since 1987 and I have heard of a few people with BPD and RAD having violent behavior but not everyone with these disorders does that. If they do, it's more likely to be an impulsive act out of anger, not a carefully planned act.

I don't think I ever heard of an adult with RAD; it's usually considered a childhood disorder--but the symptoms could overlap with BPD in some ways.

It's really up to you if you think you can stay with this man.

Answer 9

My ex-wife had borderline personality disorder. I am so thankful that I have full custody of our son. During the divorce we had psychological evaluations done on both of us, and that was the diagnosis was given to her. She was like human poison. I have never met a more manipulative and narcissistic person in my life. It was like she would look at every choice in life and intentionally choose the wrong one, then defend it. I know in most cases you are supposed to take some responsibility for some of the fault in a breakup, but in this case I honestly feel I was right.

Answer 10

Maybe or maybe not he has BPD. He sounds more like an idiot and his nasty comment about you when you were going for heart surgery is way out of order.
If you were one of my sisters I would take you and the kids to my place and if he came near me I would put him in a coma or call the police, depending on how angry he make me.
Get out now!

Answer 11

There exists a lot of ignorance about BPD. For instance the myth that therapy doesn't help and the BPD person can't get better. That is a complete myth. MOST do recover and therapy always helps if the person sticks with it. MOST BPD people begin to recover on their own as they age. To be honest, your husband's behavior doesn't sound much like BPD as I have experienced it. I've read dozens of books about it, have done a LOT of research and have lived with it for all of my adult life. I don't see anything in this particular example that indicates the obvious symptoms of BPD. That doesn't mean he doesn't have it or show it other times, but this story just sounds like irresponsibility. It does not have the hallmarks of BPD at all.

As for your question, how dangerous is a person with BPD? In reality, a person with BPD is far, far more dangerous to themselves than anyone else. BPD has a high rate of suicide and self-mutilation, but is not associated with murder or violence towards others.

BPD comes with sudden mood swings, often anger. In a fit of rage, a BPD person may throw things, break things, hit, etc. (Although, I personally do not do these things.) BUT, a BPD person is never going to plan to hurt anyone. BPD moods change far too fast for someone to stay angry long enough to plan to purposely hurt someone. They would cool down and feel better before that could happen.

Your husband's immaturity and laziness in refusing to take a knife away from a child is far different from his actually trying to kill someone in their sleep.