Should I tell mom?

Question

For most of my growing up years mom would get controlling boyfriend after controlling boyfriend and conform to what they wanted and totally loose her idenity and put my brother and I on the back burner. This was hurtful, and unfortunately she found one and married him and is doing the same and has no idenity even to the point of missing my wedding because he didn't want her to go. She wonders why our relationship seems strained. I feel like my mom died years ago because even when I spend time with her its not really her. Should I tell her how I feel when she asks why we don't seem close?

Answer 1

Yeah..call her up and tell her what you feel...Your a big kid now.....Just tell her about what happend when you were younger...and call your brother to and see if he will help............

Answer 2

You should definitely tell your mom how you feel. Especially because she is the one opening the door to the issue by asking you why you two don't seem close. It must be hurtful to you that she put you and your brother on the back burner and didnt show up at your wedding.
Whats important to keep in mind if or when you do confront her is not to do it in a way where you are attacking (verbally) her because it sounds like your mother has some issues of her own that she is dealing with. Regardless of your mothers issues you are still her daughter and you have every right to let her know how you feel about you relationship with her. A good sign is that your mother is not completely neglecting the issue between you and her (as my mother would). Good luck with your confrontation. Just be honest.

Answer 3

Yes I think u should talk to her but ur mom does have her own life and if she is so insecure to go with these guys theres nothing u can do or say to change it. But just being able to talk about ur feelings with her will help u both. Tell her how u feel and ask her to talk to u and listen to her. There is obviously a reason she is afraid to be by herself or she likes someone else being in control because shes afraid to make bad choices or she just ends up in bad relationships and doesnt know how to get out of them. Ur mom needs u and ur help. Always respect ur mom no matter what her choices are. She raised u the best she could. Ur still alive and u sound like u have sense. Ur married now so just be friends with her the best u can. If she doesnt have time for u because of her controlling husband then that is her loss. U just go enjoy ur life. Then one day she will need u.Just try to be there for her. But if u cant then tell her thats how u felt when u needed her and she wasnt there. What comes around goes around.

Answer 4

She obviously knows that there's something wrong with the relationship if she wonders why it seems strained and asks why you don't seem close. I've been in your shoes and had to do the same thing. It felt like the weight of the world rolled off my shoulders. Even if it isn't an immediate fix you need to tell her. She has the right to know. She may not even realize that she's the problem. If you don't feel comfortable telling her face to face, then write her a letter, but whatever you do, please tell her before it's too late. Speaking personally, your mom has the potential to be the best friend you'll ever have. I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty willing to be that it's killing her inside that she missed your wedding.

If you're close to your brother, talk with him too, and see how he feels and see if he would want to talk to her with you. If not, you're on your own, but you owe it to yourself to give it a shot. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't. I wish you strength and peace.

Answer 5

Yes, tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her about every "hurtful creep" she has ever spent loving times with, tell her exactly how you feel. Maybe it will touch her deep down...let's HOPE to the point of her ending the marriage, but if not, maybe she will see the light and spend more time with you, whether the "husband" wants to or not. If she doesn't see how you really feel, and continues on with the rude guy she is with...then don't worry about her OR him, as you've already been doing.

You can do better in this world than having a mom who will treat her own daughter with that type of attitude...no respect, no love. You can do much better, hopefully she will understand.

Answer 6

Yes I think you should because if she knows exactly why then if she chooses to she can try to make it up to you. I also think you should because I know how you feel and in one hand you don't want to hurt your mom's feelings but on the other hand you want her to know that you are hurt by something she has done. But when you do, say something like you can't turn back time and you don't want her to try but also let her know that if it continues then she knows that she is hurting you, especially missing your wedding. That is rediculous and how much that hurt you. If it does continue after that, then you are an adult now and you have to choose wheather you want to just keep things the way they are or to just disconnect yourself from the situation.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

Yes, I would talk to her! Be prepared, though for her anger and denial, and possibly even her accusing you of being "selfish". You may end up not hearing from her until "hubby" is out of the picture. Keep that door open, because controlling and verbally abusive men sometimes turn into physically abusive men. I know it hurt that she didn't come to your wedding, but she probably wasn't given an option. Men like her husband tend to isolate the women from family and friends... they don't want too many people realizing what they are doing. Let your mom know that you love her, but you hate seeing her being treated as she is and that you are afraid for her. Let her know you are there for her and will help her find her way and find herself when she is ready.

Answer 8

some of us tend to repeat relationships "with the same person over and over again " but they are in a different body.

for some reason, your mother is attracted to control freaks... i'm sure she knows he is one, and a jerk for not "allowing her" to go to your wedding

it would be a VERY COLD DAY when a man told me what i couldn't do! geesh.

you can tell her how you feel yes... I feel neglected. I feel ignored. I feel concerned because you're with someone who controls you. I feel disgusted.. or whatever you feel...

theres no sense arguing over it, though.

i'm sorry this is going on. we really can't control who your mom marries... maybe someday she will see the light.

at least, i hope so

hugs

Answer 9

nicely my suggestion to you is do not say something on your mom approximately her with the aid of fact its between your sister and your mom- are not getting entangled in it with the aid of fact then your sis would be pissed at u. as long as your sister is regular with the thank you to look after it then she will have the means to tell your mom whilst shes waiting. She is regular with whilst its the the superb option time and he or she feels delicate.

Answer 10

I would if I were you.
I would make arrangements to meet her somewhere for lunch/coffee,just the two of you and let her know how you feel.
You have every right to do that.It may also help her to "wakeup" and realize what she's missing out on.
Good Luck.

Answer 11

Yes tell her ,mom do you know you worry about your life needing comforth and love as we set back wanting the same from you needed your love dearly.