Christians: help me encourage a friend?

Question

I need advice on how to encourage a friend of mine. She's a new Christian and is going through very difficult times right now: she gave birth to twin boys prematurely. The smaller of the two died, the larger (a whopping 2 pounds) isn't doing so well either. She also has cancer in her uterus, though it's likely that it won't be a huge issue. She's been involved in an awful lot of things she shouldn't have been involved in earlier, before she knew of God, and is one of those people who has been through pretty much everything unpleasant as a child. She believes in God, but I fear that her faith will be strongly influenced if not completely determined by the what happens to her son. Does anybody have any wisdom or advice on what I can possibly say to her to encourage her?

She's still in huge shock from losing her first son, so I can't even talk to her now. She moved many states away right before her babies were born and the only way I could communicate is through email and on the phone.

Answer 1

Wow, life with God sure is a peach!

Answer 2

Melissa, I am sorry to hear about your friends sad situation.
Emiliano has given you some good advice...
I honestly believe there is nothing you can say at this moment to make her feel better. There are scriptures like Jer: 29 v11 which speaks of God's plan for our lives..Amplified version says
**hope in your final outcome** you can look it up on-line...firstly i would just pray for her and with her to ask the Lord what He's saying..sometimes He gives us a word to hang on to that gets us through a difficult time..seeking Him is the best way to go..i do believe there's always a reason for everything that happens to us..we might not see it at the time, but further along the road it often becomes clear..i wish i could be of more help..i will keep your friend in my prayers...remember He never leaves us..He is with you always even until the end of the age.....
God grant you and your friend peace that passes all understanding.

Answer 3

You can comfort her with the hope for the resurrection (the brining back to life again):
John 5: 28, 29
"Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his [Jesus'] voice and come out, those who did good things to a resurrection of life, those who practiced vile things to a resurrection of judgment." (notice both good and bad have the opportunity to be brought back to life)
as well as

Acts 24:15
"And I have hope toward God, which hope these men themselves also entertain, that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous."

And the promises that when living under God's Kingdom...

"No resident will say: “I am sick.” The people that are dwelling in the land will be those pardoned for their error."
Isaiah 33:24

and when

"[God] will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.
And the One seated on the throne said: 'Look! I am making all things new.' Also, he says: 'Write, because these words are faithful and true.'"
Revelation 21: 3,4

Isaiah 65: 17-25 is also encouraging.

I hope this helps.



Peace be with you

Answer 4

Well I would pray for her fast and tell God. I would be for her as much as possible. Ask God to give her peace beyond all understanding. You could even get a group of friends go to her all together and pray for her other son to get strong. Have you pastor come to her and pray for her and her son. Be her shoulder to cry on surround her with love and compassion. Help build her up with encouraging scripture. If she ask the really tough questions like why would God do this and such don't e afraid to tell her you don't know. You might also tell her that this God took him because may the baby was suffering and God couldn't bear to see hi suffering any longer. Don't is that is true for this situation. hope this helps some.

Answer 5

Melissa, I'm so sorry about your friend and her little ones. We see only a very tiny part of life, but God, whose love and mercy surpass all human understanding, sees everything. I'm certain that many times what we think of as a tragedy is really an act of the very highest mercy. If your friend clings to God during these tough times, He will give her comfort. I praise God that she has a true friend like you. You can be His vessel, to bring peace and healing to your friend's agonized heart. May God bless you both, and especially the little boy. I'll be praying for you all.

Answer 6

You could tell her that people here are praying for her. Put her in the hands of Jesus. He will see her through and she will come out a stronger Christian. Just be there for her, she probably knows you love her, I am sure that means alot to her also. If you listen to what she has to say also, not always giving advice or your opinion. I understand what she has suffered and also as a child. God will heal her heart and all the aches that go along with it. Just pray and ask God to give you the words that need to be said. He will speak through you to her.

Answer 7

Show her your there, and that you'll talk to her anytime. Just be a good friend.

A verse that would help is Romans: 5:3-5 which say

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

God bless you and your friend, good luck.

Answer 8

The best thing you can do would be to listen to her and sympathize with her and be a friend who will come alongside and keep her company even if it's just over the phone. You don't want to be like one of Job's friends who engage in speculation about why God allowed this to happen or talk about her past sins or anything although if she brings stuff like that up you can encourage her by repeating some Biblical truths like these to her.

Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

About the child who didn't make it you can talk about seeing the child in Heaven when she gets there.

2 Samuel 12:19 But when David saw that his servants were whispering together, David understood that the child was dead. And David said to his servants, "Is the child dead?" They said, "He is dead." 20 Then David arose from the earth and washed and anointed himself and changed his clothes. And he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. He then went to his own house. And when he asked, they set food before him, and he ate. 21 Then his servants said to him, "What is this thing that you have done? You fasted and wept for the child while he was alive; but when the child died, you arose and ate food." 22 He said, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, 'Who knows whether the LORD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?' 23 But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me."

Just be a good friend and be willing to listen. And of course, keep her in prayer.

Answer 9

The best thing you can do for her is persevere in prayer for her and I will also,when you do talk to her ask her to pray, it's because of your faith he will give it to you.Death is a falling a sleep and her son will be resurrected by Jesus as he said he would do.Also keep watch on yourself that you do not fall into temptation. I will pray for her.

Answer 10

Thanks a shame about her boys and her illness.

I would say that you need to be loving and supportive as much as you can be. You need to also pray for her and have others pray as well, especially if you belong to a church. Find ways to help her through any physical problems and be there for her when you can.

Answer 11

satan is trying hard to pull her away, you just have to make her see that. Pray alot, I dont fully believe in prayer but alot of people stand by it and it cant hurt. sorry I'm not more help I'm not a preacher.