My mother is an alcoholic and her parents and siblings disowned her. I still vist them often and today I was talking with them and they said that they will send their best wishes but will not attend my wedding. I hate my mother for what she has put me through all of my life but she is my mother. What should I do? Should I invite my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents or my mother?
2007-08-19 12:55:04 · 11 answers · asked by Kiki 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Invite whoever has been there for you throughout your life and gave you what you needed. If it isnt your mother then she doesnt deserve to be there.
2007-08-19 13:08:27 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mother's alcoholism, bad behavior and whatever else put a wedge between her and her family should not make you the one who pays for it. I would still invite the family, although it is not fair they disown you in affect because of your mother, they should still attend the wedding. My mother was also an alcoholic for 35 years of my life, today she is clean and sober (10 years!!), we never gave up on her and always loved her, yet we quit being her enabler and cleaning up her messes that she always fell into. Invite all of your family members and let it be their choice if they go, they will lose out if they chose not to go. Lastly, my mom quit and got help on her own, all of our complaining, crying and begging did not do any good, it has to be their own choice, therefore do not let your life suffer because of her or because of your mothers side of the family, get on with your life, and remember the day may come where she will change then all you can do is support her emotionally. Also, perhaps if you have a meeting with your mothers side of the family and suggest they all seek counseling together with you it may benefit your relationship. Good Luck, I have been there and my heart goes out to you.
2007-08-19 13:28:45 · answer #2 · answered by toni l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my... that is a thought provoking question.
I don't blame your extended family. It may be that your mother has done so much sh!t to them that they just don't want to expose themselves to any more of it. Who knows what she did to them...
The way I see it you have three choices:
1. Invite everyone -- it's not your problem. Whoever comes will have to deal with seeing somebody they don't like.
2. Invite just your mom
3. invite just your mom's family and not your mom
I think that with #2 or #3 you'll never live it down. Somebody will be mad at you and with good reason. Those are no-win choices.
I think that #1 is your only option. It gets you off the hook. Why should you have to decide? This ain't your fight. This is your happy day. Why not share it with everyone?
I suppose you could also have more than one reception on two different days and then invite your mom's family to the other reception. I'm not sure that's a good option though because that can get you into trouble too. I think #1 is your only choice.
This is your happy day. Don't allow others to pull you into their struggles.
And I always suggest Al-Anon to people like yourself. Growing up with an alcoholic affects us. It's real helpful to talk with other people who also deal with alcoholics. They'll understand like nobody else can -- what you're facing.
Enjoy your special day and don't get sucked into other people's fights. This is all about you and not a thing about them.
Good luck!
2007-08-19 13:19:10 · answer #3 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would first like to congratulate you on your marriage and wish you the best. It is very sad when family acts this way. I can say my mother in law pulled this crap before my wedding. I planing a wedding is hard enough with out the drama. I would ask your family to put there personal issues with your mom aside for a few hours. This is not about them and your mother it is about you and your husband being supported and celebrated. I am sure there will be several tables so all need not sit with your mom. I think it's unfair to ask you to choose. It is not your fault that your mother has a drinking problem nor should your family act so childish that they can't act appropriate for a few hours at a wedding. Please let them know I said life is to short to be that selfish.
2007-08-23 07:56:34 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that there is such a rift in the family. It is good that you have been able to keep a relationship going there. I would invite them and then it is up to them to determine if they will choose to come support you and put aside their differences with your mom for the sake of your day. If they choose not to come, you will have to accept that answer. Perhaps they will want to have a family dinner after your wedding to meet your spouse.
2007-08-19 16:52:05 · answer #5 · answered by Cory W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say that you should invite them or atleast send an annoucment to them. And yes, it hurts that because of your mother's actions that you have to suffer, especially during your wedding... but if you want, talk to your family and let them know that you would love for them to come since it is such a special occasion for you.
2007-08-19 13:16:50 · answer #6 · answered by muzicchiq 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think for you easily as im entering into the process the precise same ingredient on the 2d with a infantile, interest searching for, merciless older sister. do no longer enable your sister harm your day! settle for the fact that she isn't coming to the marriage and each and each of something of your loved ones can relish the occasion of your wedding ceremony yet devoid of the sister from 'interest searching for land'. have a incredible day and keep in mind she would be extra harm in years yet to come again than you will. sturdy success on the day! congrats additionally
2016-10-02 21:48:49 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is your mother and will always be your mother. If your other family cant put their feelings to the side for one day, basically the most important day of your life then they dont even need to be considered as guests!!
2007-08-19 13:12:24 · answer #8 · answered by ablockgurl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i'd invite all and let them make the choice of deciding to come or not. this is your day, not your mom's or your mom's family. if they love you, they should be coming because of you. their argument is with your mom, not you, but they have to remember, she is still your mom, and, you have to do what is right in inviting her and you hope they'll understand this and come to your wedding because of YOU. just remember, whatever happens, this is YOUR day and whether they come or not, don't let anyone ruin your happiness. you just make it a day of joy for you and your husband, because that's what it is really all about. Congrats and be happy :)
2007-08-19 13:23:30 · answer #9 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By all means invite them.
It's their problem if they don't come. At least they won't be able to say that you did not even invite them to come, making you be the bad guy here.
Of course invite them . . . with a freakin' smile
2007-08-19 15:00:42 · answer #10 · answered by eljude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋