One of my coworkers was talking to me about her family, and how all of her children have graduated from college and are on their own. As a follow up, I asked if she had any grandchildren.
She didn't seem to want to answer.
I don't think this is rude, since she brought up the fact that all of her children are completely grown up and out of the house. But what do you think? Does a question like that somehow imply something negative about her age? Because that's not what I meant at all.
2007-08-19 11:18:19 · 17 answers · asked by Stargazing 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I forgot to mention, she did say that she had four grandchildren., and told me their ages. So luckily, it wasn't super touchy, but I'll definitely make a note of the concern for the future.
2007-08-19 12:02:38 · update #1
It may not be about her age. Perhaps, like me, my daughter in law had 3 miscarriages and her and my son decided not to try anymore. This is a HUGE heartbreak, but I accept it as it's their decision. But, it brings tears and heartache all over again when I am asked or I see others with their grandchildren. Don't take it to heart. Nothing is wrong with asking. It's natural. She's done told her age when she said her kids are grown and out of the house. So, she must be over 29! lol
2007-08-19 11:29:38 · answer #1 · answered by Nana 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's a touchy subject, so it's best avoided. There could be a sensitive reason why she has not grandchildren, like infertility, or trouble in her children's marriages. She may also have grandchildren, and for one reason or another she can't see them...maybe one of her children is estranged from her, or maybe there was a teen pregnancy given up for adoption. There could be a lot of reasons why this could be an awkward question, so in the future I'd avoid asking it.
2007-08-19 11:28:17 · answer #2 · answered by missbeans 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
In a situation like that I don't think it was rude at all. I think it was only showing that you were interested in progressing the conversation. Maybe she has some bad blood with one of her kids and can't see her grandchildren and it's hard for her to talk about her grandchildren..or maybe she is sensitive about her age. It could be anything. But it certainly wasn't rude on your part. Don't let it get to you.
2007-08-19 11:39:30 · answer #3 · answered by starlight_940 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A cashier we do not know personally asked if we had plans for Halloween followed immediately with: Do you have grandbabies? I was offended, because I suspect she based her question on the fact that she noticed my husband's age on his driver's license and both of our salt and pepper hair. Others on this forum brought up excellent reasons for why the co-worker perhaps did not want to pursue the topic. I never ask about children or grandchildren unless the person I am speaking to talks about them.
2015-10-31 04:09:34 · answer #4 · answered by RunsWithScissors 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe instead of asking about this person's grandchildren you could ask if any of her children had settled down. Maybe she doesn't want to expose something about her life (grandkids out of wedlock, gay adoptions) that may be subject to ridicule by other coworkers. As you know, office gossip moves quickly, and sometimes people like to keep some of their personal lives private.
2007-08-19 11:32:33 · answer #5 · answered by Jaina Selene 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think Missbeans is right (and "Best Answer" material).
It was obviously too personal a question to ask given your relationship (co-worker) and her response; so yes, it was rude.
This reminds me of the time I asked this girl I hadn't seen since high school "When is your baby due?" because she was so big and obviously with child. And she gave me this hurt pouty look and said, "I'm not pregnant!" and walked away.
And believe me, I've never asked any woman that question again ever.
Most of life's lessons - let's face it - are learned the hard way.
2007-08-19 11:45:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see how that was a natural question to ask, given the subject she was discussing, so I don't think you were being rude. Maybe it brought up a sore subject for her. Some people are sensitive about family issues.
2007-08-19 11:29:40 · answer #7 · answered by gracie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is rude. It may be that it makes her feel old, or it could be other things. Maybe she has a grandchild that passed way, or one that she doesn't get to see. Maybe she really wants grandchildren and is upset that she doesn't have any.
2007-08-19 11:27:27 · answer #8 · answered by kelsey 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you don't ask that. Some people have "special" children and grandchildren and do not like talking about it. It's best to listen and not ask much.
2007-08-19 21:26:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're not sure if she was offended or not. There could be many reasons why she didn't answer.
It is not rudeness to ask that question if it is sincere. However, some people have sensitive self-esteem so be cautious about it.
2007-08-19 12:22:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋