I love my parents, but my mom isnt the sentimental type at all. She doesnt seem excited at all for my wedding in 2 months. She did give me some money for it, and I glad of that...but she hasn't once offered to help out in any other way. My friend is getting married two weeks before me also, which does kinda aggervates me because she cant plan my bridal shower and bachelorette party since she's planning her own wedding.
Anyway, I see her mom all excited and helping her plan and getting involved, my mom just seems she doesnt care. At my dress fitting she acted more annoyed she had to come than excited to come and be a part of it. I dont think she wanted to come in the first place. My mom said she just isnt a sentimental type and doesnt get emotional easily, and she does like my fiance. I just dont understand it. I have to plan my own shower and everything, because my MOH decided to have her wedding 2 wks before me. I'm just really upset. I feel like I'm loing out on the joys of it all.
2007-08-19 11:01:30 · 12 answers · asked by TeraBytes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Has anyone had this happen to them before? This is my first and will be only wedding also, and I'm in my early 20's so it is not like I'm too old to do this and have fun.
My friend that is getting married, she is having a ton of ppl at her shower and stuff, and since I'm one of her bridesmaids also, I have to shell out so much money, like 50 bucks or so just for the shower, plus the dress cost, plus the bachelorette party costs...I think they are just asking way too much money from everyone (plus she picked a 200 dollar bridesmaids dress for us all)
I dont have a ton of ppl I would like to invite to my shower (if i even have one). I just feel I'm paying so much toward hers and she wont be planning or giving a ton of money for mine cuz I dont want to invite everyone I know, just a small intamite party.
Am I being selfish because I feel like I'm stuck doing it all and I just want my mom to be excited for me? It seems when ppl have a wedding its exciting for the familes.
2007-08-19 11:05:44 · update #1
About the mom question- My mom was the same way. I had no real interest in my wedding day. NOW when it comes to bachelorette and shower parties it is the MOH who arranges these things. I think you are upsetting yourself more because you are comparing your wedding day to someone Else's.
About $$$ and your friends wedding - You chose to be a part of it. You agreed to the dress and parties, etc and are comparing them to your wedding preparations and making yourself miserable. This other wedding is taking your happiness away. might be good idea to back out and just be a guest.
2007-08-19 11:30:09 · answer #1 · answered by jewelsthomas 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow...ok...breath...
I think you sound a bit emotional as your type all of this. I'm sure it is all just hitting you right now and if you relax, have some herbal tea, and get some rest you will start to feel better.
First your mom. I'd say she's not going to cry every time she sees you from now until the wedding. That's just her personality, and I bet deep down you know that's true, she's your mom. She has offered money or the wedding and she says she likes your hubby to be...be thankful for that! Yeah a little enthusiasm would be nice, but there are moms that go way overborad and take over, so again, be glad you can do things your way and don't have to worry about her being upset. You could ask your mom to throw you the shower so she has something to force her to be involved and you get your shower. But you can't make her host a party if it's not her thing.
As for your friend. She's getting married too! Your Q made you sound a little selfish (sorry, but re-read it in a few days and I think you will agree that you worded things a bit harsh). This should be an exciting time that the 2 of you bond over. Share a shower maybe. You can't expect her to put her wedding on the back burner for your shower. She's going through this same emotional stuff you are.
Try to relax and have fun. The only way you will lose out on anything is if you keep this attitude one moment longer. Enjoy whatever it is you do have and focus on what makes you happy (hubby to be perhaps?). If you allow other people to affect your attitude toward your own wedding this much you will lose out, but it will not be their fault. They are just being themselves.
Now enjoy your wedding planning process and the big day itself!
2007-08-19 11:39:33 · answer #2 · answered by az 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You do NOT plan your bridal shower. If the MOH cannot do it then one of the bridesmaids should step up to the plate. The same for the bachelorette party.
As for your mom, you know she doesn't get all sentimental and excited about this, you can't change that. At least she went when you asked her to go to the dress fitting and she made some effort! You shouldn't expect her attitude to change just because you are getting married.
2007-08-20 03:24:50 · answer #3 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are not overly demonstrative. That doesn't mean your Mom doesn't love you and isn't happy for you.
I work with a woman like this. She is very caring and considerate and thoughtful. She just isn't the gushy sort.
I suspect you are your Mom are different in this regard. She is more reserved and you are more free to show your feelings. Both personalities are fine.
Try to accept that your mother is the way she is.
As for your MOH, is it too close to the wedding to ask her if she wants out? Sounds like her life will be pretty full in the cirtical month or two before the wedding, and that she won't have the time or energy to give to your wedding. It's her job, or an aunt's job, to give you a shower. You shouldn't have to be planning a shower for yourself.
2007-08-19 14:27:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like the winner in a bitter bride contest. Stop whining about all that you think others owe you and take a look at what is happening around you. Your friend is getting married and I have not heard a hint of happiness for her just complaints about how this is a big inconvience to you. You know what kind of person your mom is, you should by now if you do not. Why are yo expecting her to show emotions in a way that is not her way? She is not trying to stop the wedding or to sabatoge it and she likes your fiance so what more do you want from the woman? Do you want her to put on some fake show of excitment just to suit you? I do hope you do not intend to be so self centered in your marriage or you will not have it for very long. Take a look at all the blessings you have, You still have your dear mother and she supports your marriage, You have a dear friend that wants you in her wedding. If you think it is too much money to spend at the time you are planning your own wedding then you should graciously drop out of the wedding or you should do the same thing you expect her to do for you when it comes to being your Maid of Honor. You should look more at what you have instead of what you think others are cheating you out of. All you need is someone to officiate and for the groom to show up on time so give everyone around you some slack and lighten up, Bridezilla.
2007-08-19 11:39:36 · answer #5 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just so long as you are excited about your wedding you shouls try not to worry about other things. I can understand that you want to share this time with your mother because the "ideal" wedding is the huge sap story of the mother and bride doing everything together and have tissues always at hand.
However! Almost every wedding is not ideal. Almost everyone who has the sappy mother also has a very controlling one. Be thankful that she is ok with your marriage. I would take it as a compliment if my mom showed up to something she didn't want to go to just because it was important to me.
For my wedding in October a lot of my fiance's family are not happy with our wedding. Some of them aren't even coming. What can I say though? I don't need them to have a happy day, so I just shrug it off and find the good out of our situation.
Also, you seem to be very good friends with your maid of honor, so why not explain to her your situation financially? I helped ALL of my bridesmaids with their dresses. I found dresses at David's Bridal for 31.99, and I bought their shoes because they all don't have money to throw around. They instead helped me with centerpieces and lots of other things.
My advice for you is to calm down and have fun with your planning. I am not having a bridal shower, I have too much to do already and don't need to plan out a new party. We are just going to have a day out and do something fun all together.
Try and find out if there is anything you and your mom can do together that she would enjoy. I know a lot of brides get a spa treatment before their wedding so maybe it would be something your mom would enjoy. I know the used to have good deals at Costco for spas. Something like 2 people for $99.
Anyways, I wish you the best of luck and congats on your upcoming wedding!!
2007-08-19 12:24:49 · answer #6 · answered by cheezbawl2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your not being selfish at all. Your mom sounds a lot like my mom. My parents didnt have a big wedding and when I got married I was pregnant
so she wasnt thrilled about that already. Any how I
didnt have a large wedding because of it because she made me feel like I didnt deserve it and I regret it now. I had my husbands family that wanted to take care of the whole thing but I couldnt imagine not having my mom there for all that your talking about. But looking back I should of taken the help because I really missed out and
just because my mom wasnt the sentimental type
and didnt really want to be part of it I should of did it for myself. Anyways this is about you and if you cant afford certain things let your friend know and if she is a friend she will understand. And for your mom, you cant change how she is so maybe just include her in just the minimal stuff. Also if your close to your future inlaws see if they are willing to help....again in the end this is your day so do what you feel is best and dont worry about any body else......good luck and congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-08-19 11:25:57 · answer #7 · answered by jen 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your wedding is going to be the thing that brings out all kinds of emotions. yes - it happened to me. My mom didn't do anything except give me her list of people that I needed to invite. My sister - the MOH - didn't do much at all. She kind of watched and enjoyed what I planned. It was bad planning to have your and your friends weddings so close together... you definitely got the bad side of that deal!! Maybe see if one of your other friends will step up and help you with the shower! Good luck with things and don't get too worked up like I did!!
2007-08-19 11:53:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lucked out on mine. I didn't have bridesmaids, I didn't have MOH and my husband didn't have his groomsman or best man.
Reason why we eloped as we got tired of everyone's excuses and telling us how they want our wedding to be (literly, telling us). Then they got mad as we secretly eloped. If it wasn't one thing, they where mad at another...
So, all in all, my husband and I did what we wanted to do, despite what others said or felt. It was about us, not them in the first place.
Therefore, I don't think you are selfish. I know how hard it is to have people who "don't care" or those who say they do, but their actions is another story.
With all honesty, why focusing on her wedding when she won't even focus a little on yours? All in all, she seems to be the selfish one (your friend) by expecting you to support her in her's, but she won't even try to throw you a bridal shower.
Really think about it......I say focus on yours more if I where you.
As far as your mom, every parent is different. She might of been raised differently on emotions and way of thinking of events. Other than discussing with your mom how you feel, you just have to realize it is what it is. Embrace at least she helped a little, than I suppose not helped at all.
I'm sorry for your lack of support from those who you would expect some from.
Just remember, your wedding day is one day out of the many days you get with your future husband. That is what matters the most.
2007-08-19 16:03:00 · answer #9 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're dealing with people. And people cause problems. Every wedding has hundreds of problems - the question is how well do you cope with them?
If your mom is a dead loss and your moh is a dead loss, then it's time to call on the help of your bridesmaids, if you have any. And if you haven't any bridesmaids, it's time to draft in other friends to help.
2007-08-20 02:20:13 · answer #10 · answered by Feinschmecker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋