Mother in law asked us to participate in an event that would let her off the hook, and in turn offered to watch the kids. We agreed then showed up at their doorstep where father in law says adamently that he is willing to take one child...not the other. I was in the car and it was loud enough for me to hear him say this to my spouse while at the doorstep and I in car.
2007-08-19 10:51:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
More details per JD's request:
Since birth my son appears to be their favorite; appears to be an extension of nuclear family dynamics; meanwhile, my daughter gets treatment like publicly being ostracized for eating messy (without fork at 6 mos); mother in law said proudly that when she babysat my daughter on a previous occassion and she wouldn't stop crying, she tied her legs up like the nurses swaddle the babes on newborn ward at hospital. I was concerned...spouse did not appear as bothered. Although, when she was publicly show cased as a messy eater, spouse stood up to mom who then wrote a censoring letter to him in response (laid it on pretty thick...the whole guilt, and you don't act like that in my house theme)
2007-08-19 11:34:19 · update #1
Your in laws are ABUSING her. If it was me they wouldnt be seeing either child.
2007-08-19 12:20:24 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In that kind of a situation I would have taken both kids and walked out on them!
It sounds more like they don't feel the need to provide for an infant and wanted a pleasant evening with the grandson since he's more able to "behave". Not saying your daughter does not behave just that infants tend to be more unpredictable and easier to upset.
We ran into something similar with my sister and I when we were kids but the reason why family refused to take my sister was that she was ADD and had an ugly tendancy of getting physical when angry and we had younger cousins to be worried about.
2007-08-19 19:05:47 · answer #2 · answered by starfire978 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't agree with your mother in-law to do that to your child. On the other hand do you make sure you are cleaning up after you daughter? It is your responsibility to make sure your child eats and does not throw her food around, but i would tell her that she is just a baby and that you will clean up after her. So what i would do is you talk to he and get the straight and narrow from her and ask her what it is that upsets her so that you can try to accommodate her.. If she is rude then you don't have to put up with that. She should tell you in good words that she does not like it when the baby makes a mess and you don't help clean it up if that is the case, Is that the case that you don't clean up after her? Is your daughter a handful?
2007-08-19 23:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by LittleDaisy. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he give a reason for this? Is one of the children a step-grandchild to him? Is one a baby? I would be concerned, but I need more information on this one to really discern what might be happening.
***********Thanks for the additional information************
In some cultures female children are treated as lesser in value to male children. This occurs in some Mideastern and Asian cultures. Could this be a factor?
The fact that your daughter was physically restrained by binding is a form of child abuse you should in no way tolerate. Your husband needs to understand that you will not tolerate this and as your husband and the father of these children it is his responsibility to make sure his parents understand that their behavior is NOT ACCEPTABLE.
Mom can write and whine and needle all she wants. It's up to your husband to be a man and protect his wife and children.
You and hubby need to have a very serious talk about this. This is a deal breaker in a marriage because the safety and mental health of your children is at stake here.
If hubby is reluctant to face his parents, you have a bigger problem and you need to do some hard thinking.
I suspect that culture plays a big role in what is going on here, though you do not indicate that. If that is the case, you have an indoctrinated view of females that you are facing. If that is not the case, you have some very sick minded people on your hands.
If culture is the problem, it can be dealt with in a respectful manner. You need to tell your husband that while you respect his culture you cannot condone such treatment of your children and you expect him to be a man and take ownership of what his parents are doing.
If you are not dealing with a cultural difference, then you need to lay it on the line with hubby and tell him they are HIS parents and you expect him to respect you as his wife and the mother of your children and to put you and your children's welfare above that of extended family.
I will tell you if you allow this to go on it is going to cause serious damage to your daughter's feelings of self-worth. You should not allow your in-laws to watch either child for any reason until this matter is resolved, and not then until you are satisfied that they can abide by your wishes for your children when you are not present.
2007-08-19 18:00:07 · answer #4 · answered by JD 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does she babysit for you often?
Does her husband think that maybe two kids are too much at once?
If this is the first time it's ever happened, you need to ask why. Maybe one of your kids was out of control or something last time. I'm not accussing you or your kids, but the point is too find out. There is obviously a reason.
2007-08-19 18:12:00 · answer #5 · answered by paperpenandtea 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How does your spouse feel about this. I would let your spouse handle everything regarding his/her future association with them. But I would not let either child go there nor would I participate in events that let them off the hook.
2007-08-19 18:21:15 · answer #6 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would be very upset and concerned.First the should not be playing favourites.I would of said fine then neither of them stay.My sisters in-laws tried to do that and she put a stop to it quick and told them that if the girls are not treated the same then they wouldn't have any contact in till the favouritism stoped,and sure enough since then they havent played that game.Goodluck with the in-laws!!!
2007-08-19 18:03:33 · answer #7 · answered by Jamie N 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I'd of told my spouse to get back in the car now, we're all leaving. If he refused, I'd of taken my kids and left without him. Never again would the inlaws babysit any of my kids.
2007-08-19 18:22:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
I would have said the event was hers!
2007-08-19 17:56:39 · answer #9 · answered by professorc 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i wouldn't be concerned. i'd be pissed. no favorites allowed. actually, i don't think i'd let her watch either child.
2007-08-19 18:44:48 · answer #10 · answered by racer 51 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋