I am having problems with my family?

Question

My mom and dad have been married for 27 years. My mom has been wanting a divorce for awhile now but cant make it on her own. There is no love between them at all and there never has been. My dad has slept on the couch for as long as I can remember. They fight constantly. They are both home alot of the time so they are always seeing each other and they just fight all the time. I am married and pregnant and I live about 15 mins from them. I finally had enough last night after another phone call from them with them yelling at each other. I am the one who has to listen to all their bullsh*t. I finally talked to each of them seperately and said I am sick of this fighting. It is all I have known my whole life and yall are no foundation for me my brother or my sister. I said yall have no love for one another and my mom sais yes you are right-I resent your dad for all the hell he has put me through for 30 years(controlling, alcoholism, treats her like she is stupid, does nothing with the fami

ly) My dad said I love your mom and that was the FIRST time I ever heard him say he loves her. He told me that he would meet her half way and try to make their marriage happy. However, after a 2 hour conversation with him where he tells me that he is going to sit down and talk with her, he stays in a hotel that night and avoids her at all costs. She agreed to sit down and talk and decide either to work on their marriage or get divorced and she is willing to. She cant talk to him though because he is avoiding her and wont come home until she leaves for work. He lied strait out to me and it is stressing me out. I have dealth with this my WHOLE LIFE and I cry every single day about this. There is not love at all between them-why cant they just get divorced or get happy? My husband has had it with me crying myself to sleep at night for the last 2 years and he said enough is enough. So I told my mom not to call me anymore when they fight and she said "out of 30 years that is the only thing

that will calm him down and he wont break doors or put holes inwalls as long as I call you-It calms him down" I dont want to abandon her because I know I am all she has to talk to about it but I am so tired of it. I can't stop thinking about it and I don't see why I have to deal with this. If my mom and dad did get divorced she would probably come live with my husband and I which is fine but I just want to have a normal family life and I feel like I have no possible chance at a normal life. I try to cry when I am alone so my husband wont have to hear it but I am sure he wonders why I go into the bathroom and come out with my eyes red daily. Once my son is born, how am I supposed to have him around all this crap and feel like a good mom? I guess I am just venting but I want to know if anyone thinks I am doing the right thing.

Answer 1

I am so sorry about your situation. You need to realize that people stay together for many unhealthy reasons and that you as an adult child of this situation need to distance yourself and your children from this until things settle down. Do not take sides and do not get involved or atleast as little as possible. Make sure your parents understand that you love them but do not want the situation to negatively effect your children. Tell them when they are calm and seperately want to come see your children they can do so, but that you do not want to be put in the middle of things anymore. As for your siblings, let them know that you feel for them and allow them to come over and talk and just have dinner in peace when things get to much for them. But ultimately your parents are responsible for their relationship and you are ONLY responsible for you children and your relationship with your husband. Make a choice to change the situation for the better for you and your family and let them deal with their choices although most are bad ones. They did raise a daughter that cares alot for them or you would not even be asking for advice so they did do something right. Good Luck!

Answer 2

well, you are in a very hard situation at the moment. First of all you need to remember that your mom and dad love you and that they're doin everything they can. i think that you should keep telling them to get divorced, or make your mum go to your house and let her live there with your husband and your son. As a Christian, i would also recommend that you pray a lot. i promise, if you pray God will find a way to help you. Please, just try praying even if you don't believe, you've go nothing to loose and besides, you might find out that god really exists in the end. The other thing is, don't worry about your son for now. that you are in a bad situation doesn't mean that you are a bad mother. if you really want to, u'll be a great mum. talk to your husband and tell him how you feel about your parents. he loves you and he is supposed to support you. just talk to him. all that's left for me to say is good luck, i hope everything comes out as want it to!

Answer 3

you hae your hubby that is frist and foremost there fore yu just say good bye to the hate fighting parents they are messing you both us. this is nothing for you to concern yourself about. hey they dont' love each other its too bad they can't get rid of each other. i mean its been heck for you all and there they set i have heard of so many living together for the kids and that is not true its not good for the family and therefore you are just making it worse by talking to them leave them alone and concentrate on your own marriage and family an d be happy.