My 11 year old son?

Question

He Constantly Call's this Girl Who Is 12 & he's 11,I'm trying to sleep last night,And he was on the phone @ 2:00 in the morning,Saying your hot like 90 degree weather,I took the phone away from me and he yelled: Mom your A sunava ***** and i hate you!! I really don't know what to do.

Correction: I took the phone away from him

He is grounded,And he is NOT allowed to use the phone for 3 wks,He's not allowed to watch WWE raw or whatever,His summerbed time is 9:00,Along with his school bedtime which is 8:30.

His summer bed time ISNT 11.It is precisley 10:35,Unless he's not punished,Monday Nights Him and his friends & His brother watch WWE raw till 11:00.School Day's he's able to watch wrestling till' 9:30,Then he goes straight to bed.

Answer 1

Wow! I'm guessing this behavior didn't develop overnight. It's not going to go away overnight, either. I'm not going to sit here an judge what you do and don't allow your kids to do. But you do need to decide what is permissable and what isn't. Find a reasonable way to enforce these new boundaries (fat lips and missing teeth would not be considered reasonable to me... spankings on the bare behind of an 11-yr-old, however, are absolutely appropriate), and be very, very consistent with it. He will rebel against any new boundary placed in his life at this age, but stick with it. If you don't fix this now, high school will be completely out of control.

The main issue I'd focus on, by the way, is respect in general. Everything you've mentioned is a matter of respect. He's not showing respect toward you, he's speaking disrepectfully to the girl on the phone, and he's not respecting his body's need for sleep. Every rule/boundary has to have a reason. The need to show respect is the reason to fix the specific things you've mentioned here.

Answer 2

My son is 11 yrs old as well and if he spoke to me that way he would not have any teeth left. I think you need to monitor who he is spending time with even if it's a relative because his language and behavior is not age appropriate. Older brothers, cousins, uncles or dads can be a bad influence too if they are not good role models. Think about limiting or ending such contact if possible. Your son's future is first priority. I do not know any 11 yr olds that speak or act in this manner but I know they are out there. I have taught my son about projecting a good self image so that others (teachers, parents, friends, relatives, etc.) don't make negative assumptions about who he is or where he comes from. You need to wait a few days and take him to the park or out for ice cream and sit with him to discuss why you found his comments and behavior offensive. Now is a good time to discuss with him who his role models are and what he thinks about himself and others.

One thing my husband and I discussed with our son is the type of girls he will come across this year in middle school and the types of girls we expect him to make friends with. My son looks up to his older girl cousins and he knows pretty much what is decent behavior in a girl. Although he likes girls and has had a crush on one or two over the years he does not really speak to girls in a boyfriend way especially not until 2am. The only time I've ever heard him say a girl is hot was at a Miami Heat game and he was referring to the dancers which is expected. I would also call the girl's parents and tell them what you heard and how late it was. They may not care but you can atleast feel assured you did the right thing. The last thing you need is your son getting a girl pregnant at 12 or 13.

My son is in bed by 9pm or later if he's got lots of homework but he is not up late playing, watching tv or on the phone. He actually passes out when he goes to bed so I cannot understand how your son can be up so late. He is probably falling asleep in class or during the day and this will definitely affect his grade which in turn will affect how the school views him. You need to get him on track. I suggest calling Big Brothers/Big Sisters and seeing if they have mentors in your area. Another idea is having him join a football team or other local sporting club which can divert his mind from girls to something else.

Best of luck and remember you are the parent. What you say and do should not be questioned but respected.

Answer 3

My son is also 11 years old and if he ever called me a name like your son did, he would get a lot more than a grounding. I wouldn't have to worry about him talking on the phone at 2:00 in the morning, it would take a while for the swollen lip to go down. If he is talking to you like that at 11 years old, you need to buckle down on him and do it soon, by the time he is 16, he will be telling you what to do and when to do it.

Answer 4

when i was his age, i was on the phone alot with friends and i know it annoyed the crap out of my parents. even when i was 12 or 13 (which was 13 years ago) it wasn't totally abnormal to make semi sexually explicit comments to the opposite gender since that's the age that most kids go thru puberty and become aware of their own sexuality. the issue is that most of the time kids at that age don't fully get what they're saying because they mostly mimick things in their environment. i got in trouble several times for being on the phone late at night and my parents would take the phone away and i'd be on phone restriction until further notice. they always told me that i didn't have anything that important to say to a friend that couldn't wait until i saw them at school the next day. there were mornings i woke up with the phone next to my head because i had fallen asleep talking to a boy. most people i know did this as blooming adults.

him cursing at you is totally unacceptable. my mom would have kicked my a*s if i had said anything like that to her. he needs to learn how to not only respect you but other women as well. i honestly think all boys at his age act similarly but you just have to train them out of those boyish ways as they get older and it's hard. my brother always told our parents he hated them when he didn't get his way.

i think you just have to be really stern with him. don't yell back at him. if you have to take things away from him then do so. don't back down from the punishments you give him, and let him know you're the boss.

have you ever thought that the fact that he's into such a highly "violent" television show that uses intense language is having an affect on the way he acts towards people? Just curious.

Answer 5

It sounds as though he is hitting pub a lot sooner then when we used to !! I think maybe you should talk to him about the things he is saying it is possible that he knows their meaning but doesn'y KNOW the meaning! ya know? i would also limit phone time to a certain time and if he rebels it unplug and put it in your room. My mother wouldn't let us talk unless she was right there. Maybe this "older woman" is affecting his behavior! Girls are acting and behaving much more mature then what they should be these days! and it is scary the influence some of them have over younger and older boys. As for his mouth and the way he spoke to youI NO WAY that is just down-right heathen "I'm Sorry" But your 11 yr old should never ever speak to you like!I fmy brother spoke like that my mother would have pulled out every phone in the house! they would never leave to go any where but to school or work and we don't speak to her like that now either! He needs to learn some respect for the woman who will love him more then any little girl will!

Answer 6

Why is your 11 year old's summer bed time 11? You need to lock up all of his toy's and whatever else he uses every day and only let you and your 13 year old use them!!! If he is good for the next month make his bed time 11 and give him his things back.

Answer 7

You are right, he is wrong, end of story. He should not be using the phone at that hour. His language is really not appropriate for his age, or anyone's age, for that matter. Unfortuantely younger and younger children are becoming more sexually aware and active these days. Stick to your guns, even if it means you must unplug all of the phones in the house and hide them in your room. You may want to calmly, as in without anger, explain that you are not a son of anything and certainly not that of a female dog.

Answer 8

set some boundaries with your son, .there is a time he can be on the phone and when he is not.
it is OK for him to feel mad.we are a people with feelings.but 2 am is not acceptable!
puberty is at play here and he can be very sensitive and embarrassed starting to like the opposite sex is normal and to flirt and flatter is OK just not a 2 am

from a mother to a mother (ihave 4 myself)
your friend kim

Answer 9

i would take the phone away from him for about 2 wks or more, he can live without it. Kids think they're really mature nowadays, and i think you're doing the right thing. He might hate you now, but he'll get over it. Also, i think you should set an appropriate bedtime for him.

Answer 10

The first step is saying those things, and the next step is physical stuff with this girl! You need to set some RULES in your house! YOU are the one paying the phone bill and this kid is only 11!!!! Give him set times he can use the phone - like 6-8pm, and that's IT. For his dirty mouth, take away those phone privileges for the next week altogether, NO EXCEPTIONS. You're already letting your kid run all over you, and it's only going to get worse.