Would you kick your 16 year old out if they told you ...?

Question

They won't go to the public high school parents made them go to...and the next resort to making the teenagers life a lot better is to homeschool because the high school gives the teenager severe panic attacks and depression? So would you kick your kid out when you knew they get incredibly scared socially and become very depressed all the time? Or would you try to understand why they wouldn't want to go to that school?

i haven't been displaying my temper a lot, it's hard when you got the little manic mental problem. i'm not running from my problems i'm only trying to make it easier to live a life that's best for me. i don't want to slack off and just drop out no at all, i don't even have a lot of electives because all i like taking is the core subjects. my mom doesn't believe i should be homeschooled because i need structure, but she's a public school teacher so of course shes gonna say that. i just tell my mom i'm not going to that school and then she says "then pack your bags because you're not staying here" which is lame when my older sister dropped out of college her first year and she's now 21 and still lives with us. my uncle would be paying for my classes and whatnot because we don't have tons of money because my dad doesn't have a high paying job like he did a few years ago. i was in private school all my life till last year. i can't go to my older pivate hs cause it's 8 grand.

i've had my share of counseling, it doesn't help. not everyone can become jolly after they talk to someone whos paid to act like they care. i'm not scared of going outside, nor am i having separation anxiety from my parents, maybe my dad since i don't see him a lot cause he travels for his job..but i am scared of large environments, especially when some adults tell me just to suck it up.

Answer 1

No, I would not kick my teenager out if they did not want to go to school. I'm a homeschooling parent who forced 3 boys to go to public school and lived to regret it. We have options now and one of them is homeschooling. I now homeschool my daughters and will only send them to school if it was absolutely needed or if they wanted to go. Your mom evidently has a bias against homeschooling. Perhaps she thinks people will think she has failed as a parent and a teacher if you homeschool. She may be thinking more of her professional reputation than of your well being. Many teachers hate the whole homeschooling concept. I do sympathize with you. You sound like a sensible motivated person who could probably excel at homeschooling. Perhaps you could talk more to your uncle if he is willing to fund you. I think though, that the problem is your mom not trusting you to stay home and work and also her professional pride. Good Luck. I hope you can resolve this problem.

Answer 2

No, I wouldn't kick my 16yo out if they told me that, but I'm a homeschooling parent. This must be so difficult for you--the difficulties you have at school and wishing your parents could understand and appreciate where you're coming from.

You didn't really ask for advice, so forgive me if you don't want the following, but here are some ideas:

1) Find out about an online program for where you live. Many places have free online school programs (public or charter). See if that would work for your mom in terms of structure. Or see if she would want to set the structure for you (like a schedule, minimum requirements) and you agree to meet it.

2) Get connected with a local homeschooling support group. While it may not be something that could happen, there may just be a great family out there willing to take you in (if this is something you are willing to do, of course). There's also the aspect that it could be an empty threat on your mom's part designed to coerce you into going to school--if she sees you are finding other living arrangements, she may end up taking how you feel more seriously.

3) Search around for a better counsellor/psychiatrist and get on meds, if possible. While therapy can help, some people need the extra help of meds, at least for a while. It's true, many therapists can come across as kind of phony or just sort of superficially there for you. I've known two people who said that finding a therapist they really clicked with made all the difference in the world.

Answer 3

I had the same problem. The panic attacks eventually went away, but not until I was 19-21. I can go anywhere and do anything now. I can now speak in front of a large crowd or jump out of an airplane, even though either one would scare the crap out of me. But back in the 9th grade, the fear I felt from panic attacks was maybe 20 times worse than either of those things. Not many people have a clue how bad that really is.

If you can legally put the kid in a different school, and you both think it's worth a shot, try it. If it doesn't work, then homeschooling is not a bad option.

For the person who said social fears don't go away...what that kid has are not normal social fears. Normal social fears don't go away, but anxiety disorder and panic attacks are entirely different from normal social fears. They are a terrible, paralyzing mental problem which can and often does lead to other problems.

Keeping the kid in school may simply not be an option.


P.S.

Your mental health is important, and no, anxiety disorder is not a joke. You Mom doesn't realize that your problem is as bad as it is. That isn't really her fault, forgive her.
If you have been issued the ultimatum to go to school or pack your bags, then perhaps you should try to find an adult that is willing to accept guardianship of you, and homeschool you, or let you quit and get a GED. Than when you find one, pack your bags (for real, not as a bluff) and let your Mom know that you have found an adult who will accept guardianship of you. You may have to remind her of her ultimatum, because females often tell lies in order to manipulate loved ones into doing what they want.

Go with God.

Answer 4

You are in a hard spot I have a step son who would lie and steal from every one he didn't care who you were if he wanted it he took it. The boy was good he could be standing there with the goods in his hands and go on to tell you he didn't do it and by the time he was done you believed him. He finally stole from the wrong person me his stepmother I turned him into the cops he went to jail we went to court and he ended up in a military boot camp for 8 months. Did him no good! You see the kids in boot camp are just like him they play the game and get sent back to us. The guards act tough but those kids are smarter. They are going to be who they want an there is no helping they don't want it. I will say it has been a few years and the boy has grown up a bit but the trust is gone I won't take my eyes off him when he's here. He is a very smart talented athletic kid draws great remembers every thing he reads 6'4" good looking at the same time dumb as a box of rocks just don't get it. Kicking your son out at 16 is hard might want to check the laws, Talk with the youth services in your community they might have some ideas on what you can do Good luck

Answer 5

No unless they leave you no option. School is not a choice it's a legal requirement. It is also necessary for their future. It would be difficult to achieve an education at home and it would put too much of a burden on the parents who have enough to do providing other necessities. Communicate with the children advise them of the problems that you all would face if they do not attend. Be on their side by allowing some time out if things get too tough. Don't make it too easy---- a visit to the doctor would be a step in the right direction so that they know it is not just your decision and you have some back up. Possibly a sedative could be a good idea in the beginning. Advise them that if they don't go to school you may not need to throw them out they will be taken away as schooling is not just a privilege it is a legal requirement and you are not obeying the law if they do not go. You have to be strict with this as a lot of kids would stay home if it was that easy.

Answer 6

I would understand because I had the same problem! I know exactly what you're talking about! If my son ever came to me and said that I would take him out right then and homeschool. But I would also have him talk out his problems with a good therapists as well. Ofcourse I plan to homeschool my kids anyway, just make sure that he still socialized with other kids. Some kids just don't do well in hectic environments like that and the whole point in school is to thrive and learn and how can someone do that when they're constantly feeling overwhelmed by everyone?!? I would want my child to do well and learn a lot so in answer to your question, I would not kick my child out and I would homeschool them if thats how they felt.

Answer 7

I would never kick out a 16-year-old! And if they were anxious about the school I would want to know why, and if the situation there was unresolvable I would find another school, or find correspondence, or homeschool, or something, but not kick the kid out! What a terrible start to life, alone, depressed and suffering from panic attacks. I think a parent who did that would be heartless and cruel. I was an anxious teen too but I kept it all in. Talk to your doctor about how you feel.

Answer 8

Well I don't have a kid. But I was homeschooled because I would have panic attacks at school and people would make fun of me for it, thus making me have even more panic attacks. I started skipping all my classes except for drama (cuz in drama it's okay to act krazzy!!!!) So I told my parents that I thought it would be better for me to be homeschooled. That way I could finish school... I was always a straight A student, and homeschooling helped me. Also if there is a technical center around where you live you should try enrolling your kid (or yourself if you're the 16 yr old) in it, in a class that interests them. For me it was culinary arts. And since it'll be something they enjoy doing it will help them get over their social problems a little. It did me!
A good homeschool site (where you do your work online instead of in books) is The Jubilee Academy (http://www.thejubileeacademy.org/) it's a christian school. Thats where I went and I loved it.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Ummm...gonna go out on a limb here and say there's a lot more issues here than school choices. A parent can't kick a 16 yoa out of the house in most states unless the child is legally an "emancipated minor". This is not a term referring to the poor guys in Utah but rather a legal term for children being freed from parental custody and support.
What little I can discern from your question, would lead me to believe that some family therapy would be in order. Social fears are normal...they don't go away! Hiding in home school treats the symptom, but not the underlying issue(s) that generate the fear and depression.

Answer 10

That's a lot of questions rolled into one. NO, I'd never kick a struggling scared child out. Investigate each issue and find out what's going on when your teen is at school. Know each teacher, his friends, what they do, who his friends parents are, search for a support system involving everyone in your teens life. It may be there was one or two extremely bad incidents he experienced involving physical, mental & emotional abuse. People do not become afraid to go to school for no reason, nor do I believe in severe anxiety/panic attacks out of the blue. There's always a reason and many ways to begin to resolve the issues.