I think I really messed up, will you please help?

Question

Please, don't give me rude answers. I know what I did may be considered mean but I can't go back in time and reverse it. I'm a stupid kid and I don't think over everything I plan. It's really hard for me to trust guys and 3/4 of my boyfriend's friends are girls. He's told me he would never cheat on me no matter what but it was hard for me to believe because my friend said he had flirted with her. So, my other friend came up with a great idea(didn't turn out so great) to have my friend that my boyfriend had flirted with flirt back. She did and she started asking him questions. She asked and I will use fake names except I'll use my middle "If May would never find out would you go to the movies with me, like on a date." He thought about it for a minute and answered yes. Then she asked if he would tell me and he said no because I had already been worried he would cheat on me. My friend Cristine said they wouldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend it would just be a date so he said yeah to going

but not to telling me. Then she began to ask him more questions such as who he liked, who liked him, and other things like that. While they were talking my other friend and I were sitting on the bed next to Cristine and the phone was on speaker and we were telling her what to say or ask. Then she asked if there was no way in the world that I would find out would he kiss her and he said if there was no chance at all of me finding out yes. I don't want to break up with him. Yes I am only thirteen, but I actually love him(don't debate on that with me, I truely love him) I really had no part in this other than I sat next to my friend while she was on the phone with him. Then she sent him a myspace message saying, If May wouldn't find out could I call you my boyfriend? He doesn't have a computer right now so he hasn't seen it. I feel horrible, I'm scared he's going to break up with me when he finds out it was planned and I would intierly blame myself if that happened. What should I do?

Please don't rub this in my face on how I conviced him to cheat on me. I feel so guitly so easily and I just want to lock myself in my room and cry. I had already suspected him of cheating on me(because of all of the friends of his that are girls) espeacilly a girl named Katie. She's a nineth grader(we're eight) she likes him, she's pretty, thats what got me worried in the first place because I've caught him lying to me before because he was telling me he didn't like anyone but me and it turned out he liked about 5 other girls. So again, help.

I've talked to him and asked him if he would ever cheat on me before. So I've taken care of the 'You should have talked to him earlier' part but his answers didn't really convince me. He is my boyfriend and I do remember how I met him. We were at it was almost like a fair but without the rides and it was almost like an art auction but with out the going once going twice. He got four girls phone numbers that one night I was there, if that doesn't say anything he has about ten girls waiting for him to dump me or for me to dump him.

Now heres a new thought. My best friend isn't very fond of my boyfriend. In fact she hates him more than anything. She's the one that came up with idea. I'm not going to blame her I'm just asking a simple question. Do you think she would intentionally do this?

Answer 1

Actions speak louder than words dear, you have every right to be concerned. If he was on the up and up, he would tell her that he was only doing it as a friend and nothing more. And he would tell you as well. The fact that he's not telling you should be an indication that he is up to no good. You were right to trust your instincts this time. I don't think you were dumb at all. You did not mess up, HE DID.

Answer 2

Okay....in the future, resist the temptation to use setup tactics against your boyfriend because they often produce ambiguous results such as this. You STILL don't know for sure what his intent was when he agreed to go with her, but now you're even more suspicious than you were before, and that's got to feel bad. Here's what I don't understand too well: Your friend (the girl that claimed he flirted with her and KNEW exactly what you needed to know from this little experiment) why did she put that limiting statement on the end of the arrangement..."...they wouldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend it would just be a date so he said yeah to going...".? It could very well be an innocent arrangement, which for all of that effort you wound up not proving anything. It would've been more clear (one way or the other) if she hadn't said that, but since she was IN on the whole thing, why did she bother to say that?

Answer 3

That guys a creep, ditch him now. It's obvious that he's not going ot be honest with you. I suppose what you did was not that great. But on the other hand, his reaction made us all realize what a creep he is and that he would lie to you. You may have had this assumption before hand which came from something.

I'm not going to judge you. I wouldn't condone this sort of htin in the future.I would however, dump that guy and tell him the truth. You may have taught him a lesson that will help his other girlfriend s in the future. Maybe he'll grow up a little bit.

Answer 4

You did find out the hard way but if he said yes to going on a date with your friend and not telling you then that's not good at all.

If anything you should of talked to him to begin with. You may of argued about it but at least brought it to his attention. Unfortunately it didn't turn out so well and hey in the end, things happen for a reason and its rather you know now then find out another way.

What is it that makes you not trust guys? Is this from a previous relationship or just in general because you said most of your friends are girls? You need to realize that not all guys are the same. Sure this douche didn't turn out great but there are good honest guys out there.

best wishes

Answer 5

You put temptation in his way to see if he would bite. He bit. What did you expect? You knew he had girls as friends. Do you expect that because you are going with him that he get rid of all of his female friends? No, trust, no relationship. You used a friend to prove your fears of him cheating on you. Your friend suggested it but you allowed it. Your problem is you don't have enough self-confidence. If a guy wants You for a girlfriend, then You must have qualities that he likes and wants in his life. Be proud that he chose you over all the rest. Yes, he has female friends but he chose You. Have faith in yourself and let the rest follow.

Answer 6

I think you already know the answer to your question. You just want to confirm it with others. If you don't trust him don't stick with him nothing good gonna come out of it. Since he's with you there is no need for him to be on a date with any other girls. Listen to your gut's feeling its usually true. If you can't break up because of the sex......find other ways to please yourself. Get yourself a vibrator, better than being with a guy that make your feel worthless until the right one come along.

Answer 7

I think your boyfriend only did what 99% of red blooded American males would have done or said. What man can honestly say what he would do if some hot chick starts flirting with him. I think you should learn to be more trusting and stop playing games with people's lives.

Answer 8

You didn't mess up, because you learned. You found out a lot about this guy, and it doesn't sound like he's good boyfriend material.

I would think about moving on. You did what you did because you were insecure, but this guy seems to be a good reason for insecurity: how could you ever trust him again?

Answer 9

Hey there is a little thing called TRUST if you have a friend you trust that friend as a friend. If you have a boyfriend and you trust him then don't question him. Just ask for his trust and if he give his trust to you that all that should be needed. This poking at your friendship can and will cause pain to you and your friend.

Answer 10

sorry, until unless some one marries some one, till then, all types of relations will be in the air which can disappear very easily.
So, do not try to play or punish him/her, because you also have to go through mental pain twice. If it is so, why should not you choose a friend who can go a long way with you.