Mother in law from hell?

Question

my mother in law keeps bitching about me to my mother, my husband...saying i dont keep things tidy, i dont socialize enough with the family, i dont help out round the house...etc

I have my own house, and i barely visit her house....and therefore i dont see the need to do the cleaning/washing up- esp since she has a bloody cleaner! as for socializing with the family...i am very very private and what little i do, is never enough

I work full time and i am supporting my husband, her son. My parents help us out a lot as well and we have done a lot for her. She doesnt listen to reason, she whines, she bitches and she moans about every single thing i do...and we both ignore each other.

My husband is caught up in all of this...yet his siblings side with their mother, which is understandable......but she wouldnt like it if someone said bad things about her daughter....so why do it to anther woman?

please dont say talk to her coz she wont listen..she shouts and walks out.

Answer 1

I totaly understand what you are going through.Has she never heard the term,"your daughter is your daughter all your life, but your son is your son until he takes a wife." Why would you want to socialize with people who treat you this way? Why isn't your husband working? It is his full responsability to mediate on your behalf! If she doesn't give you the respect you deserve as her sons' wife, then avoid her like the plague.

Answer 2

She's jealous. Not only jealous, but miserable, and that's why she wants to make you miserable. She's so miserable that she wants someone else to feel how she feels. I know it seems ridiculous, but some people do it. There is no reason to talk to her because obviously she won't listen. She needs counseling but probably won't do it. There really isn't much you can do to fix this. Just ignore it. I hate my boyfriend's mother. She was 13 when she had him, and now has 6 kids. Three of them are around my daughter's age. She's a backstabbing dramatic *****. I can't stand her. But there's nothing I can do. She's the reason I don't know if I can marry him. I don't think I want to be a part of THAT family. I would make their lives as miserable as possible with a smile on my face. Or kill them with kindness. Be nothing but sweet. They HATE that. :o)

Answer 3

People often don't stop to think about the effect things they do or say have on others. Have you ever seen these shows on television where people who behave like this are recorded and then shown the tape? Most are simply shocked at how they behaved. Anyway, it sounds like you're doing all that you can do. You can't force her to change. Just keep ignoring her. I know that your husband is caught in the middle but he really needs to get a backbone and talk with his mother. (No offense) Good luck.

Answer 4

Next time, she is going to stop over for a visit, give her something to talk about! Dress up in hoochie clothes with a pile of make up. Take a swig off something that looks like a drink, and say " Love you, gotta go!" and walk out the door! And while your'e looking hoochie, go shopping, let the men's head turn! Then you can go home with a genuine smile on your face! Go girl!!...Actually, I am, sorry, but "blessed " that my mother n law "kicked It" a couple years ago. She never liked me no matter how many ways I kissed her a**! After abouit the fifteenth year, I just knew I'd never win her heart, her wicked black heart!!! Your mother n law is jealous of you! Period! Ya can't talk to the crone, so give her something to talk about! Call me immature, but once, while the wicked witch was still breathing, we went to her house, but not before I'd had a few. (don't recommend it), and sniffed the air because they did have incontinent dogs. And when she asked me if I wanted something to drink (probably stricnine tainted Koolaid.ha!) I said no thanks and pulled a Coors right out of my bag! I had to quit drinking, needless to say, but being a problem drinker did have it's one perk! Nerve! Good luck to ya!

Answer 5

Hi there oh I really sympathise with you but my question is where is your husband in all this????
It isnt necessary for you to try talking to your mother in law this is your husbands MOTHER !
if he values you and your marriage it is vital that he stands up for you.
Obviously if your Mother and your husband put up with your mother in laws bitching I would certainly be talking with them. They should be defending you in all this.
Maybe you need to help your husband plan what needs to be said and suggest the following to him :
she needs to be told if you want to live in YOUR house the way YOU want this is your right ,it is none of her business how clean your house is!
If she doesnt like the way your house looks its simple she need NOT visit!
He needs to tell her that your social choices are also yours and that as a COUPLE you will decide what family gatherings you feel comfortable attending.
Lastly she needs reminding that she may be his mother but you are his wife and as a couple you can live your lives exactly as you want.
You dont need to be mean or nasty about any of this but it needs to be made clear that when her son married you he left his parents and began his own family and you guys have every right to live as you choose.
Make sure you and your hubby do lots of things together go for holidays dinners even just the movies and work on strengthening your marriage instead of suffering through his family gatherings which you dont enjoy.
I had a similar problem and in the end my husband had to choose his marriage or his mother! Many years later we have all reconciled and his mother finally let him go to have his own family and create his own life. I think she saw in the end that she was the one who was missing out on everything.
I wish you lots of luck.

Answer 6

Tell your Husband to talk with her then. He should be defending you!. She should not be bad mouthing you, you are not married to her, you are married to her son, and if likes the way your household is run, and loves you for what you are, not how much you clean and socialize, then in the end , that is all that matters! Sounds like your mother in law needs a life of her own?!

Answer 7

wow, sounds exactly like my mother in law. she is now out of our lives! yes, your husband should be defending you, unfortunately that is not how it always works. for about 2 years i suffered with this woman ( and we lived in the same house!) i love my husband but there were times when i thought i would have to leave because i couldn't tolerate his mother. what i did was try to understand that no matter what that would always be his mother and she was his mother long before i was his wife. men seem to have an intense bond with their mommies. i tried not to make too many comments and i bit my tongue alot but what i didn't know was that he actually was paying attention to what was going on the whole time. the final breaking point was when i found out i was pregnant. she told him that it wasn't his baby and that i was out looking for men who looked like him to have sex with so i could say it was his baby. what?! how much more psycho can you get? i went off on the woman and my husband told her we were moving. she also did the shouting and walking out thing, especially when she was wrong. i know there is no talking to people like that. all i can say is hang in there, shout back, and your husband probably notices more than you think he does. good luck!

Answer 8

i might choose to grant you some solid suggestion which will artwork. even nevertheless the commonsense answer you brushed aside. you're able to be able to desire to go out. you're fifty two and that i'm specific you seem great. Why the heck might you marry a guy to go in together with his mom? a woman you already had problems with whilst making plans the marriage (crimson FLAG) you probably did no longer say how previous he's yet you will have your act together via now. base line, your mom in regulation does not like the belief of you unfastened loading and living there. Sorry to be harsh yet it incredibly is why she dose this to you. She enjoys her son and needs him to stay no longer you. Your husband is under no circumstances going to area with you against MAMA. What you spot is what you get. If i became you i may well be seeking to extra suitable my existence and be autonomous so i do no longer could desire to stay with people who abuse me.

Answer 9

I am a very private person also. If you and your husband is happy with your house cleaning and other issues. Unless it is true that your not as tidy as expected. Just remember it is only her opinion. I wouldn't let it get to you. What is most important is that you and your husband are happy with each other.

Answer 10

hon... first thing you could do is stop letting this mother in law person control your feelings and emotions.

it's truly none of her business whether you keep your house tidy, or socialize enough. it's your life, your choices. so live as you see fit.. you don't seem to be harming others by living as you choose..

IGNORE her!!! she won't shut UP or go away, but you don't have to be stressed out about it. she is bored with her own life, apparently.....and probably has anxiety... most people with anxiety issues, low self esteem try to find something wrong with everyone else and find fault in others endlessly.

she might be jealous of you, for all i know?

don't react to her stupid comments, and try to let it all go! sometimes when we react to people like this, we are giving them what they want -- so don't play her game.... you have better things to do anyway.

and remember, she probably doesn't think a lot of herself.