I have an older sister by 3 years who's still single although since 18 she used to brag about a zillion men asking for her hand, her boyfriend of 4 years has recently dumped her saying he was pushed into this relationship and if it was up to him there was no way he'd involve himself with my sister...so you see how she feels right now.....Im gonna get married in october and every day and night she's on my nerves, she bullies me alot , intimidate me and my fiance in every way possible and talks behind our backs to my mother and fires her up against my fiance...many people tell me its me getting married sooner but i just cant understand it, if it was her i'd become very happy that shes happy and even if i'd get jealous i'd try not to show it like this...what do you think? what shoud I do?
2007-08-19 03:55:57 · 10 answers · asked by Ginie 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sounds like our sisters are the same. My oldest sister is NEVER happy for me, and is just like your sister. But when she makes comments to me about my life, which is 100 times better than hers, I fire right back with something like....."Well if you weren't such a B****, someone MIGHT want to marry you". Happiness comes to those who welcome it. Obviously she DOESN'T want to be happy, but she doesn't want you to be happy either. Anyone that would treat you like that, isn't worth listening to anyway. As it stands, when I get married, my sister isn't going to be in the wedding...it's debatable whether she's going to be invited at all.
2007-08-19 04:37:45 · answer #1 · answered by Shawnne 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She's obviously very upset about losing her boyfriend, but the truth is most things happen for the best. She'll find someone when she calms down. As for you, I would suggest you sit quietly and talk to her telling her how sorry you are she is in this funk right now. Encourage her that she's wonderful, pretty, etc., and that she'll find someone who really deserves a great person like her sometime soon. Also tell her that you want her by your side during this exciting time for you, that you depend on her and her help. She's your best friend and you'll help her get through this. Spend more fun time together, even if it means leaving your fiance to do something by himself or other friends. Find time for sis. And congratulations!
2007-08-19 11:04:38 · answer #2 · answered by red 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this phenomenon is also common when a younger sibling graduates college before an older sibling. of course, you would be happy if she married first, because she is older and in theory should be accomplishing goals before you. but, for her relationship to be crumbling and yours to be flourishing only highlights in her mind that her little sister is bypassing her. this birth-order issue is not rare and often creates sibling rivalry. after all, she's been able to do everything before you in the past (stay up late, date, drive, graduate high school, etc.) so for you to accomplish such a large milestone (that she was also striving for) throws her off kilter. while her behavior is understandable, it is still unacceptable. you aren't going to be able to change her feelings. you can only change yourself. discuss this with your fiance so you are both on the same page. realize that your sister is really just feeling very insecure and upset and she is projecting that onto you because you are upsetting the natural order of things. decide with your fiance how you will handle her outbursts and bullying going forward so that you a united front. you know her behavior is irrational, so don't try to use logic to combat it. when she makes a rude comment or sarcastic remark, simply say, "i'm sorry you feel that way," and continuing doing what you're doing. advise your fiance to also take this approach. if you don't feed into her negativity, then the drama can't continue to build. no matter what she says or how petty she acts, just say, "i'm sorry you feel that way." if your mother tries to engage you in a debate on your sister's behalf, just say, "i'm sorry sue feels that way." there isn't much someone can say to that, but if you try to defend yourself or convince them of your "rightness" and your sister's "unfairness" it only opens the issue up for further disagreement and debate. check out: geocities.com/sbiv37/marr
2007-08-19 11:07:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my sister just got married about 2 months ago.. and she is 2 years younger than me!!!!!
I am jealous, very jealous as we both found our boyfriends about the same time.
My sister used to bully me and tease me about being ugly my whole entire life... and some people may look at me like I'm crazy.. but she has a different dad, so shes a mixed race and she used to down me by saying that boys like her better, etc. So it did hurt when she was going to get married cuz it proved her point that her man loved her more than mine did.
your sister is probably jealous of you, I would be too, but not the extent of trying to ruin your engagement. She probably figures that she's the older one so she should have gotten married first. She's jealous that a guy loves you so much, he would ask your hand in marriage but she hasn't found the "one" for her yet.
tell her to grow up.. she's the oldest. You seem very mature for your age, and I wish you all the happiness in your marriage and life.
2007-08-19 11:03:29 · answer #4 · answered by Mami 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The next time your sister makes a snide commment or bullies you and your fiance, just ask her simply " Why can't you just be happy for me?" maybe even say it kinda causually and non confrontational, let her question herself on this. If you go to her and point out the obvious reason's in her life that are making her unhappy, it will only seperate you further from her.
2007-08-19 11:02:06 · answer #5 · answered by ~MB~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's furious that her b/f dumped her. Instead of lashing out at everyone in anger, she needs to take a close look at herself and admit that a person can be their own enemy. If I had a sister that acted like that, I'd tell her to knock the BS off or I will take her name off the wedding guest list.
2007-08-19 11:34:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although i don't have younger sister, but yes i would, i may not show it, and pretend to be happy for her, but it's natural to feel unhappy inside..
As you understand your sister's act is of her being jealous, so don't give much attention, and allow this peroid to pass and she'd be fine with the time..
Congrats to you, wishing you a happy life ^.^
2007-08-19 11:05:53 · answer #7 · answered by Polaa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not that you are getting married first its she has no one it may seem wrong but you need to open her eyes to the reality of things and next time she gets on your nerves you tell her I love you and I don't want to hurt you but you need to fix your life before involving yourself in my affairs. And tell her if she did that maybe she will still have a man.
2007-08-24 13:29:26 · answer #8 · answered by My Three 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I would be happy for her. Perhaps your sister thinks you are making a big mistake.
2007-08-19 11:10:32 · answer #9 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your sister apparently has self-esteem and jealousy issues, and it has nothing to do with YOU personally. it's not your fault.
maybe you could talk to your parents about getting her some help?
2007-08-19 11:02:26 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋