Am I obligated to go see my father?

Question

He lives in another country. My mother left when I was young and he raised my two other siblings and myself. He made alot of mistakes and was abusive, although he did the best he could. Up until last year I was engaged. He said he would not come to the wedding, that it was too long of a flight. Am I obligated now to go see him simply because he is my dad and getting older etc. He makes very little effort now, 1 phone call a month, maybe a 3 line email every second week.

Answer 1

no obligations indeed

Answer 2

You have only one dad Wendy and nobody every said there was a rule book that came with parenting. I am glad you recognize "that he did the best he could". How do you feel about going to see him? Ultimately, you are the only one who can answer this question. You are not "obligated" to do anything in your life. At least he does keep in contact. Think of how many fathers don't stay in contact with their children, totally have abandoned their their families and responsibilities, and you do know who your dad is.

I wish you well Wendy,
O'hock

Answer 3

Hard to tell Wendy. You don't seem thrilled about the idea of visiting him since you don't tell us about any communication YOU initiate. YET, you ask the question, so I have to infer that there is some interest/question/unknowns you feel that makes the idea appealing to you.

If you are financially able, start to make plans and see if there is interest from him. Or just have a frank talk about it and ask whether he thinks it's a good idea.

The sad reality is that when he's gone and you don't have the option, you may regret not seeing him.

Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

Obligated, no. But why wouldn't you, if you could afford it? How would you feel if you were him. Believe me you are not going to be a perfect parent.

Answer 5

You are not obligated, just go visit him when you have the time and the money.

Answer 6

No you aren't obligated. Especially if he is making no effort.