? about moms and weddings?

Question

I need some stories on your mothers attitudes during your wedding planning. Lets start off by saying that i love my mom dearly. With that said, she is driving me nuts!! Instead of helping me with things, she is quite the opposite. Here is an example. The other day i got my shipment of 'maids dresses(BTW, houseofbrides rock) and i was making sure that what i ordered was all correct. She looks at the dresses, looks at me, rolls her eyes and says "Is that what they look like?" I sucked up the urge to yell and told her that it was. Then she gets over that and says "Are all of the maids going to where the same color?" I say yes and once again, she rolls her eyes. Then she starts giving me a guilt trip and nitpicking about "oh, i thought they were going to have different colors & why are they only knee length?" This is just 1 issue. When i talk about the wedding, this happens. Any brides have stories to make me feel better? Please, i need to laugh

I marry my sweetie October 20 07

See, the funny thing about all of this is, my fiance and i are the only ones paying for this because our parents can't. Fully understandable and not a problem, But she is still sitting on the sidelines just waiting to give her "opinion". My mom is very old fashioned and thinks that bridesmaid dresses should be long and be the colors of the rainbow. She thinks that cakes should weigh 500 pounds(lol), and guys should wear cumberbunds and bow ties. Geesh. Thanks everyone for your stories so far. I had to giggle a few times!!

Answer 1

Would you like me to call your mom and tell her to knock it off? I will. My daughter married last year and I vowed to keep my mouth shut, and I did. I also paid for the whole thing, cash, except for the 4000 her dad, my ex kicked in. It was a lovely wedding, really a whole lot of fun and everything went perfectly.

However 4 months later, my soon to be ex son in law left her for the woman of his dreams, which wasn't my daughter. I've got 5000 worth of really beautiful pictures that I really have no idea what to do with, I can't imagine she will ever want to be reminded of the day he lied to her in front of friends and family.

So, here's my point. Ignore your mom. Its simply a moment in time, its aggravating but no big deal. Next time she rolls her eyes, say something funny to her like "oh my god if you keep doing that they are going to get stuck in your head that way and the pictures will look terrible!" or "Mom if you don't stop complaining I swear we will become Hari Krishna's and get married in orange sheets" and then start dancing around singing hari krishna and pretending to bang on a tamborine.

Your mom is scared for you, she's scared that you are growing up and moving on, she knows this is the right thing for you but doesn't know how in the world she will survive losing her baby. Be gentle with her.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, my Mother passed away 11 months before my wedding. This was a blessing in disguise though because while I loved her dearly she would have been the MOB from H*ll!! Without a doubt. My normally mild mannered MIL was mostly fine during the planning stages - but the day of the wedding was a different story! All the gals in the wedding party met at my house and we did hair and makeup and had a light breakfast together. The limo then took us the 30 minutes to the church where all we would have to do was jump in to our dresses and enjoy the last few 'relaxing' moments and smile for the phorographer. My MIL decided to bring all her hair products with her to have my stepdaughter do her hair at the church. So since she had to do her grandmother's hair she & I didn't get the pics of us together that we had specifically asked the photog for. THEN - for every posed picture the photog took, she took 2 - and had to re-do the placement of everyone just slightly enough that she held up the whole proceedings to the point that we did not get to take any of the outdoor pics we had hoped for and we were late for the reception - missed the entire cocktail hour. So, if you think she's bad now, if you don't find a way to control her a bit she'll only get worse on the day.

Oh, and was she married in the 70's? That's when the whole 'rainbow wedding' thing was popular and I'll be honest, it looked funny back then. Growing up I remember hearing the relatives asking if the bride had been smoking wacky tabacky when she picked it! LOL

Good Luck, smile and try being as diplomatic as possible while saying "BACK OFF WOMAN!"

Answer 3

Hope you don't mind a happy story! My mom was amazing! I'm the fifth kid, the fourth daughter, so she was happy in her heart that she would still be able to see all her daughters happily married.
My husband and I paid for our own wedding, however, my mom was basically the overseer, in a very good way. She was the one who was our rock, who helped with the general overall plan - and then ended up being the detail oriented one who pulled everything together. We had a big traditional church wedding and reception, Ukrainian style, so there was a lot involved. I couldn't have been more grateful for her love and support - and LOTS of hard work. My dad had passed away two years before, so she was handling things really well on her own.
I never felt more blessed than when we went looking at wedding gowns, and she saw me in THE gown, and tears streamed down her face when she saw me up on the platform, all gussied up!
She loved the dresses the attendants picked out, and other choices we made.
I miss her, she's gone now.

Answer 4

My story is quite a bit different. My fiance and I are older than most other first-time brides and grooms, so we're planning and financing everything for our wedding ourselves. Our finances are in better shape than our families', and we don't want other people telling us how to do things :-)

The tricky part about our wedding is that because my guy and I are from very different cultural and ethnic backgrounds, we want to have a multicultural wedding that honors traditions from both cultures. Just like in our everyday lives, we want to take the traditions that we like from each culture and blend those into something that is uniquely ours. As of now, both families are grousing that we've put too many things from the other's culture in the wedding...so we figure that we've got a perfect balance!

I 've heard so many horror stories about parents commandeering the wedding plans, that i just wanted to avoid any of that by doing everything on our own. My mom and dad had a city hall ceremony and never wanted a big production (I don't either), so i would be worried about my family taking over. My partner, however, comes from a tradition in which families show their social status by the size of the weddings of their children, and I think that if his parents had been allowed to plan everything the wedding would have become unmanageably huge.

I would urge anyone who possibly can to pay for as much of their own wedding as possible. All too often, the person(s) who supply the funds ultimately get to call the shots. It's your big day - you deserve a wedding that accurately reflects you and your partner.

Answer 5

Oh Yes, "the mothers" my mother and I had a few hard words when I was planning my wedding and we agreed for me to not talk too much about the details. Word of advice, don't include your MIL or your mother too much in the decision making or planning. Make them feel invoved without them being too involved. If that makes any sense. My MIL was far worse than my mother. I still get upset at times thinking of her wacky attitude, but she knows now not to cross the line. She has more to lose than I do, her son and possibly her grandchildren. My mother was thrilled that I was getting married so she didn't want to rock the boat. I was 37 and my husband was 40 y.o.

Maybe you can nicely mention that when you roll your eyes and disapprove of dresses it hurts your feelings. Mothers love to be in control and manipulate, especially if she's paying for the wedding!! Read this post.

My mother is very controlling and it has taken me years to realize sometimes "daughters" have a hard time letting go too. (source: therapist) This is going to be an adjustment for everyone, just don't let it effect your marriage.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=At_KEz4mx9Y8i2vMw35n.cPty6IX?qid=20070812090620AAKdxv0&show=7#profile-info-em3lAHqGaa

EDIT: My MIL had a puss on her face the entire night so warning these things can happen. She was just not use to being the center of attention. Cuckoo.

Answer 6

well,this probably won't help you..I was a wimp and went along with whatever my mom said...my wedding was dec.and I wanted some red in the dresses and flowers.Because of my mom,I ended up with pink spring dresses and flowers...she never had a wedding,so we did it her way and she paid all the expenses,of course I was only 20 at the time..and it was a beautiful wedding...but,I have regretted not telling my mom that it was my decisions,and my wedding.My sister-in-law had "tea"length dresses and bridal gown! Tell your mom WE need to talk...tell her your stressed out enough,and you would like her to be included in some of the decisions,but you do not want to be questioned about decisions you have already made...some mom's just don't know how to act,and they really are psycologically jealous that it's not their wedding...honest! I always asked my daughter what she wanted in the way of colors,the whole bit...include her or give her a certain job to do..maybe plan and arrange your rehearsal dinner,or reception? Mom's want to be included.
I have had friends and family turn into bridezillas toward their mom's before,or on the wedding day...DON'T let her do it!My daughter locked me out of the bridal room the day of the wedding because I was so stressed(lol)but it was HER day and I love her for it.==You tell her This is MY day,,,and I am going to have it this way..if you need any help in planning,arrangements,decisions,give me a buzz if you need help..I've done dozens of weddings and I am a mom! Good Luck! Have a great wedding!

Answer 7

I've been a bride, I've been the mother of the bride, and I've been the mother of the groom.
I hate to say this, bit it's all about the money. When I got married, my parents did not pay for anything, but they criticized everything. I was only twenty, and I was still trying to please them, so I let them dictate what my wedding was like. But I should have said that since I was paying for everything, it was my choice.
When my daughter and son got married, I wanted to be the opposite of my mother, so my husband and I were very generous financially, and just applauded every choice the bride and groom made. Again, I wish I had been more assertive. Our daughter's wedding was wonderful in every way, but when she annonced that she wanted my husband to give her away, I wish that I had suggested that her dad and I should give her away together.
My advice - be assertive.

Answer 8

I dont have any about my mom because she was great. But I have one about my MIL. My husband and I were married at Christmas time and she and I have never been all that close (case in point I still to this day call her Mrs), but one day we were down at her house and she said "Oh I have something for you" so we went upstairs to the junk room and she pulled out these wedding programs. They were light pink, and had roses on them, they were pretty but not my tatse nor were they appropriate for a Christmas wedding. I told her they were very pretty, but not what we had in mind and that she should save them for her other daughter who would be marrying the summer after us and she gave me the nastiest look and snatched the program out of my hand.

Her daughter didnt use them either!

Answer 9

It was my big wedding to the man I love, but also whom my parents would have chosen for me long before I was interested, so I figured my mom would be helpful......and she was. But it was about a month before the wedding, I had no shoes (and I have size 10 1/2 feet, so hard to find), and my mom is dragging me from shoe store to shoe store to try and find another pair of shoes for her!!! She already had a pair for the wedding, but had decided she didn't like them. This was even worse than her freaking out over what to wear. I finally got a little irritated and told her it was my wedding, everyone was going to be looking at me, not her and her damn shoes! She sulked off, but finally saw the reason and bought a simple pair. Thank God!

My sympathies are with you. I am the only daughter and oldest child, so I had plenty of moments where I wanted to kill her. She and I argued over who got to address the invitations, what pictures to take, she even threw a fit after my wedding before the reception, and in the church hall I had to tell her she was being a b**ch, that it was my wedding, and she needed to get over herself. Thank God no one was around for that!

Answer 10

Your almost there just hold on tight !!!! I must say my parents just put out the money and let me run with it they are pretty easy going so I got lucky! I know your stressing enough on your own mom adding stuff doesn't help but they all have opinions just take it with a grain of salt and know your almost there good luck and enjoy!