I have both male and female online Christian friends here on R&S. My husband is very jealous. I want to feel free to email and would not mind him reading them but he is so jealous that I feel I cannot. I don't know how to show him there is nothing to worry about because he won't listen. I do give him attention. I would have them meet and/or talk to whoever I talk to. I just need Christian friends period....I feel isolated.
2007-08-19 00:33:29 · 23 answers · asked by bethybug 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
You have my sympathies. Were I in your shoes, I would sit down with my husband and recite our wedding vows to him, emphasizing whatever clause pledges your faithfulness to each other. I would then ask him if I could trust him to keep those vows. Assuming he answers in the affirmative, I would ask him why he married someone he believes will not keep those same vows. I would then reiterate my wedding promises to him and reassure him in any way I could think of that I have no intention of breaking them; the idea here is to have *friends*, not break those sacred promises.
Not to be a fly in the ointment, but... Well. A man who believes his wife will be unfaithful to her vows is often unfaithful, himself. Obviously, I don't know you or your husband, so I'm not making any accusations here. Just be aware of the trend so it doesn't come as a complete shock IF it does turn out to be true. I hope and pray that it does not. Perhaps the correct approach to take is to invite him to participate with you and to be as open about his life as you are about yours, since it seems you are willing to be very open.
2007-08-19 11:58:39 · answer #1 · answered by nardhelain 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
anytime you email someone, not just your male online friends, use the bcc to line and include him in on your conversations, also when replying, include the original message as you bcc the reply.
This way your husband can see that you are truly discussing what you say you are discussing.
Also, save all your sent files, do not delete any emails. give him your password to your email.
You are acting secretly and this is causing your husband to question what is really going on with your online chatting.
Turn the situation around, how would you feel with the shoe on the other foot.
Try to find more female christian friends. Do you have any? Are you seeking out males only? Or are you choosing only to converse wth males you find while ignoring the females?
You state: "I would not mind him reading them but he is so jealous I feel I cannot"
He is jealous BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU CANNOT. Let him in on the online chatting. If your chatting is truly innocent and revoles around the Christian faith, it might do him some good.
2007-08-19 00:51:38 · answer #2 · answered by Carol D 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He questions your loyalty because he wants to KNOW you have no interest in any other man.
Don't hesitate to reveal all your emails to him. Tell him that if he's going to make a stink about it, he'd better be prepared to sit down and read the correspondence. False accusation (without proof or reliable testimony) is a sin.
On the other side, e-mailing male friends (regardless of whether or not they are christian--christians cheat and get divorced, too) is obviously crossing his line of appropriate behavior for his wife.
IF you show him all your emails to these guys and they are innocent, he should calm down.
Married couples are in an exclusive relationship and that includes emotional relationships. Friendships are a kind of emotional relationship and female-male friendships that exclude the husband are a danger to your mutual trust.
It's my opinion that you should guard your marriage before your friendships. Lay off the emails to men.
2007-08-19 01:16:48 · answer #3 · answered by Tseruyah 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Instead of stop emailing these guys, I think you should first try to help your husband. If you stop emailing, the problems aren't necessarily going to go away - if you make any male friends not on the internet, he'll be jealous again - it sounds more like there's a lack of trust between you two. Don't act like you're hiding anything. Let him look at your emails freely, and hopefully he'll get the picture.
2007-08-19 02:12:43 · answer #4 · answered by Petina 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. As a Christion we all feel the need to talk with and be around other Christians for support and to help build our faith. That is of course one of the reason for church to congregate together and learn Gods word. If it is bothering your husband, then you also need to take into account his feelings. Whether he is justified or not, he has an insecurtiy about you talking to other men online. After all, alot of things do start off innocently and things still end up happening. Although you might not be a person that would do that. We all know it happens. I wouldn't try to push it. Talk with your female friends online. Go to church and talk with who ever is there. If hes is a Christian man, get him in on the conversations. If he isn't still try to get him in on the conversations but understand that sometimes things like this can be a hinderance to getting him to church and learning about God and believing in him. God wants you to have Christian friends and to be able to talk with them freely, but he also wants you to respect each other in your marraige and if your husband feels uncomfortable with you talking to these other men then you should respect that, and try to be understanding on it too. Goodluck.
2007-08-19 00:56:25 · answer #5 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to discuss your feelings with your husband. Tell him you just need Christian friends and some happen to be male. Invite him to sit with you when you send/receive emails. Share them with him.
If he is still not comfortable with this, then you'll have to give it up the male friends. Your husband is more important. Turn to God. Pray for you husband.
Ask your husband to help you find another, more acceptable (to him) way to have fellowship with other Christians. Explain to him your needs, but that you do not want to upset him. Let him know that he is that important to you. If you give up the struggle...there is a good possibility that he will give up as well. He loves you and wants you to be happy. Give him the ability to make you happy by letting go.
2007-08-19 00:47:46 · answer #6 · answered by Misty 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
nardhelain has the most likely explanation there, bethybug. Psycologically speaking, that's the best answer I could have given, and I'm glad she responded. Did her suggestion sound familiar? It should have. Hope it works out for you. It doesn't look easy. Isolation was the downfall of Samson, not the cutting of his hair. Chin up, help is where you find it.
Pray that God will show you where to look.
2007-08-19 12:29:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There has been many a good wife that stayed true to Christ and set an example to their wayward husbands and led them to Christ.
Keep your eyes on the one who died for you.
You need to talk to him about his feelings and also his not following Christ.
I say this as a friend and a brother in Christ.
Peace and Grace
David
2007-08-19 02:49:24 · answer #8 · answered by David R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Respect your husband's feelings. Talk to Christian women only.
2007-08-19 05:41:07 · answer #9 · answered by 4HIM- Christians love 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try and explain all that to him like u did here. Offer to let him read since u have nothing to hide. I did this and it helped my husband. Good luck and God Bless!
2007-08-19 10:01:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋