Why do people stare and look with total disgust when a toddler has a tantrum?!?

Question

My daughter's usual places can be in the supermarket or on the bus and people look at you like you're a terrible parent and don't have control of your child! Have they never seen a toddler throw a tantrum before?!
Has anyone ever had a child that has Never thrown a tantrum?!

p.s she's 20 months

I can usually distract her when I can see she's getting restless but on occasion, that doesn't work and in the supermarket, it's usually at the checkout. She helps me put things in the basket or trolly on the way round. I don't go for hours on end, it's only a little local co-op. Once i've paid, I usually just take her under my arm and get home.
I'm Not a bad mother, I Do Not smack my child & she's Not too young to be throwing tantrums! The 'terrible two's' usually start at 18 months and last until age 3.
I'm not saying it's huge on the floor kicking and punching tantums, pulling things off the shelves. I've not had the pleasure of experiencing one of those yet - and to those who have/had kids that throw those tantrums, I wouldn't stand and stare in disgust, I'd ask you if there was anything I could do to help!

Answer 1

Either they don't have kids or they are so old they have forgotten.

I usually feel sorry for the person trying to stop the tantrum.

Answer 2

I always wonder if the child has special needs. Yes, I get the dirty looks all the time. Both of my children have autism, so yes my almost 7 year old still has public meltdowns. We aviod a lot of places, and I always try to time things right, but I'm a single mom, so the one place I can't leave is the grocery store. I always try to go when it's empty, and both of them have lots of stuff. My daughter has a small MP3 Player (it was under $20, so don't think she's that spoiled), chewy tubes, and weighted items. My son has weighted items, chewy tubes, and noise reduction headphones. The biggest problem with my 2 is that they "look" like typical 2 and 6 year old children, so when my daughter just drops to the floor for an unknown reason, I get tons of looks, and people even touch my son to talk to him, which only makes it worse.

Not all tantrums happen becuase a child wants something like candy or a toy. A lot of tantrums are overload. The child has been every where today, it's loud, lots of people, and too much going on. Mommy saying no to the toy is just the tip of the iceberg, the tantrum was coming anyway. The trick is to learn the child's limits, learn their signs of overload, and learn how to reduce overload before it's too late.

Answer 3

They don't know any better. They either have no children or never took care of them themselves.
Toddlers WILL throw tantrums. That is a fact. No amount of distraction or good parenting can eliminate them. It's a part of growing up, learning how to to express their frustration, and should be accepted as such.
One of the posters here mentioned about a kid bothering him with a cart - that is NOT a tantrum. That's misbehaving and there is a HUGE difference.

Some people are just RIDICULOUS, period. They expect a child to behave like an adult. As if they behave well ALL the time? And no, I am not a mother, I've never had a baby but I'm an auntie to nieces and nephews and I've seen them wean themselves out of tantrums over time.
Tantrums should not be a reflection on parenting skills, it's MISBEHAVIOR that should be the problem. Often, people confuse the two.
And those of you who said the parents should do something, should control, forget that parents are EXHAUSTED. Sometimes they are too tired to deal with it. But believe me, they try.
SHEESH, all these smart-*** know-it-alls make me angry.

Answer 4

They probably don't have kids and forgot that they were once children too that did the same thing! All high and mighty! I know what you mean, I'm dealing w/that sort of stuff right now. My daughter is almost 3 she's been throwing tantrums since she turned 2. Not all the time.. but enough.. I guess just try distracting her..
I actually have noticed when you are in a mall walking w/your child that people don't think they should have to move. Or if your on a sidewalk. I have actually found myself and my child walking off the sidewalk in the grass b/c the stupid person wouldn't move. Now, I don't move I just keep on walking. People need to have some respect and manners!!!!!

Answer 5

Yes you are right people stare at you as if you have a really naughty child and that you are a really bad parent!!! simply because your child is screaming...
well dear they can just p*** off because they don't know how it feels when a 2 year old throws a tantrum and how the parent feels too.
i have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and she does the same thing its usually in the supermarket when we reach the checkouts as there is always a long Que there and she gets impatient!! once when my daughter threw a tantrum at the checkout a pregnant lady in front of me shouted if my child did this i would get rid of here when she was in here 'pointing at her tummy'!!!! how disgraceful can you believe what she said!! well i really did get back at her and told her where to go!!! i was furious with her remarks!!!
but hunnie people just don't understand the stress that we mums go through and how our sweet little angels turn in to monsters when they go shopping with us!! people say that its a phase and things will improve when they are 3 i am waiting for that time and you do too and don't let these stupid people who just stare put you off what ever you do, you are the mum and you KNOW whats best for your child so don't worry about these people they don't know what its like to have kids!
good luck hun xx

Answer 6

People look in disgust because they obviously don't have children or are too old to remember that their kids did exactly the same thing. I have 2 daughters one is almost 5 and the other has just turned 3 and I cannot tell you how many times my daughters have thrown tantrums or run off on me while I have been out and how many times I have had to defend myself to others as they just cannot stay out of others business. I too do not smack my children, I have found taking away privelidges to be a pretty good way of handling their behaviour... but I also find that my 5 years old is harder to deal with than the 3 year old, my 5 year old is a really difficult child. Here is an example, my 3 year old was crying in line at the supermarket the other day and I had an older man infront of me turn around and yell in her face and tell her to shut up... when I in turn told him that I do not speak to my children that way and don't expect anyone else to, and let him know that he needs to mind his own business because she is only a baby I then had several women turn to me and tell me to respect my elders and they don't care what he said to my daughter I had no right to speak to an older man that way. I left the store and burst into tears, this seems to happen often where older people make you feel belittled... keep you chin up i'm sure you're doing a great job, I know I am regardless of how others look at me, I have difficult children but I know if I stick with it they will grow into lovely young women.

Answer 7

I know exactly how it feels. My 2 1/2 year old little boy can throw the best tantrums, screaming and shouting, throwing things and lashing out. He even bangs his head on floors or walls. They always seem to choose the worst places to do it aswell. It has to be where theres lots of people to attract the most attention.
The best thing you can do in that situation is stay calm to try and stay in control. The last thing you need is people staring as if they're judging you and your parenting skill. I try to ignore them but I have on occassions had to say something, especially to the one's that tutt as they go by. Just look up at them and smile nice and sweetly and say ' Hi, have you never seen a two year old having a temper tantrum before.' They soon disappear and leave you alone after that and I bet they think twice before judging the poor mum having the same problems up the next aisle of the supermarket!

Answer 8

As long as the parent is actually doing something about it then I am ok............... But if the parents are ignoring the child or couldn't care less, then I am not too happy.

I don't have so much of a problem with that, it's when older kids really misbehave and the parents don't do anything. Like them rolling around the supermarket in those bloomin heely things and knocking people around and the mum goes, 'oh chantelle don't go so fast'. Rather than, 'don't use those things in here any be careful of all those people you've just bumped'. There's no excuse for that kind of thing! Toddlers are a different matter!

Answer 9

OK my advice is to plan around your child...never take your child out of the house if they are either hungry or tired...

And at 20 months he is able to have a small packet of raisins to distract her with...also if she is in her pram take her out and look at all the wonderful things out of the bus window...point out the cars, the trees nd so on....I had to do that with my daughter when on a bus seems she hated being tied in and not able to see the outside world...when in the supermarket talk all the time to your child....talk about hat you need to buy...you could also give your child a little colorful list...so whilst she is in the trolley you can say come on lets find the bananas, the sugar, the cereal....anything make sure her list is spread throughout the store so she does not get bored...

And as for the parents that stare...ignore them...its easy for them to judge as they are far better than anyone else...NOT

Answer 10

People are staring because no one really wants to hear a toddler throw a fit. Usually when I'm shopping I'm trying to watch every penny and figure how much I'm spending as I go. This gives me a huge headache, and I'm already frustrated at prices, so a screaming child is just really irritating.

Yes, I had two little ones. They didn't throw tantrums when I took them somewhere. I always went out of my way to point out children that were throwing a fit. We would stop and watch the child, and wonder why they were acting so badly. I would remind them that's no way to act. We would talk about how sad the mama looked, how upset the child was, and how everyone was watching. We talked about how the child shouldn't get their way because they were acting so badly. (This was all done discreetly, at a distance.) When one of my girls would even start to have a fit, we would stop and talk about other children we had seen. That would do it.

Worked for me.

Answer 11

Yes I know...its exactly the same for me with me two year old, People are stupid and most of them think that your a rubbish parent for not being able to control your child, alot of people just hate screaming kids and simply do not have the patients when they see a sreaming kid rolling around on the floor and tut and huff as if we should keep them quiet for them, for them to have a peacefull shopping experiance.
Tuff poo poo I say, they may frown upon me if they wish, coz i know i am doing the right thing by ignoring her when she throws a wobbly, toddlers are very clever, my daughter thinks if she starts screaming she will get a reaction from me and then get her own way..... some people just dont have a clue!