Our 23yr old niece is staying with us this summer and we have her for another 4 nights. I feel that she is very disrespectful of us because she stays out all night with different men. She is actually my husband's niece. This is behavior that I don't think she would attempt if she were staying at her parents house. My hubby seems scared to lay out any rules. He complains about it to me but won't tell her to her face. I want to make a reasonable 1am curfew and tell her about it. Would you? I feel every house needs to have some order and discipline and I'm not scared to lay it out.
2007-08-18 23:03:01 · 11 answers · asked by af 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Of course you are right. But since this is your husbands famly, I would let him deal. But evidently he wont. Howd you get stuck with her anyway? You are too nice. I would definitely not have her again. You dont want to be traced back 9 months by her mom saying' oh yes she was staying with that family at that time ,so its their fault.' Try to tell your husband that kind of thing to see if he gets it.
2007-08-19 03:31:28 · answer #1 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would always lay out the rules of the house to anyone staying with me. I am a nice and reasonable person, but I am not a door mat. Your niece needs to abide by the rules of the house or go home. You wouldn't let your kids do it, so why let her? I'm sure her parents would want you to give her rules, and if you don't shame on you. Stop whining and do what you know is right.
2007-08-19 06:10:17 · answer #2 · answered by ladyhawk8141 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any rules you set need to come from both of you; otherwise, she demonstrate to your neice precisely where the weakness she can exploit is. Besides, you and your husband should work as a team where guests and family are concerned.
It's absolutely reasonable to set rules for any guest, especially one living with you! You have a right to run your home the way you choose, and she has the right to go elsewhere if she finds your rules unacceptable. I don't think you should attempt to set guidelines regarding the "other men" part of your grievance, or you have to set down specifics like "one man", "this man" and "not that man". She is an adult, and it's not entirely appropriate to control her adult right to determine who she sees.
It's somewhat odd to set a curfew for a woman. She IS a woman, and not a child. She's old enough to drink and take care of herself. However, the fact that she's not living on her own and acting like an independent woman puts her in the position of having to obey house rules. You can explain to her that she's not a roommate or a tenant because she's not paying rent or living in her own place, and that as long as she's your guest she needs to behave like an adult in the FULL meaning of the word. That means honoring the wishes of her hosts and behaving like a courteous guest. If her actions are disrupting your routine, it's unacceptable.
2007-08-19 08:23:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it is your house and any guest needs to abide by your rules. Her staying out all night with different men is not only dangerous for her but also disrupts the sleep of those in the house when she does come in at 2 or 3 in the morning. She is a grown woman, nevertheless, but she is staying in your house and just let her know that you are not comfortable with her being out all night.
2007-08-19 06:09:43 · answer #4 · answered by Mami 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your house, you decide the rules. Like you said, she wouldn't do it at her parents house so imagine how they would feel if they knew what she was getting away with staying with you and your husband. I say a 1am curfew seems reasonable enough when you are being kind enough to let her stay with you
2007-08-19 06:12:32 · answer #5 · answered by Purdycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, never had any problem with it. My house, my rules, no one is going to come in and disrupt what is mine. Okay, she is leaving in 4 nights and you haven't informed her of you rules thus far, (this should have bee done at the door), so lets get a handle on next year, on her way out explain to her what you liked and disliked about this visit and what will happen next year and what won't. After you have the conversation with her, she will have a while to think about what it is she is expected to do or be when in your home. She will either come next year with a new attitude or she won't. Either way you win. God Bless.
2007-08-19 06:21:41 · answer #6 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my dad's rule was my house my rules. I hated that when I was growing up but understand it now. Anyone staying with you should respect your home. But if she does not know it bothers you then she is not disrespecting your home. Both of you talk to her calmly and let her know how you feel. If she doesn't like the rules then she can quit staying with you.
2007-08-19 09:27:53 · answer #7 · answered by Steven E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup. lay it down and out, when im on vacation i give my guests a key come and go as you please after i go to bed but dont make to much noise or disrepct my house, i have children also, but my younger nieces and nephews it simple, rules follow them or go home. Normally since its your husbands family id say let him address it so the family doesnt turn on you, but since shes a young lady and your a woman, you tell her nicely plus you dont want to humilate her, you want to teach her it isnt acceptable and you wont tolerate it in your house and she wouldnt behave that way at her parents would she?
2007-08-19 08:20:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd of told her the rules before she showed up. If she broke them, I'd send her back to where she came from. And my rules apply to anyone staying in my house.
2007-08-19 07:48:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is an adult and not a child, and a guest in your home. If you can't treat her with respect, then please tell her that she needs to stay in a hotel or with someone else.
2007-08-19 09:49:19 · answer #10 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋