Very personal I need to know how to do this, it is very difficult for me to even state it HELP!?

Question

My mother has many issues, alcoholism since I was a child, abusive, she left my dad and all of us when I was 16 and had no sense of remorse. She is remarried to an abuser and drug dealer and he physically abuses her. I have no relationship with her for personal reasons but I am very nervous now hearing what she now has gotten into. We think she is oh god this is hard...PLEASE BE KIND!! I think she is sleeping around to get money for dugs.

I am thinking of an intervention and I don't know how to go about it. Even though I do not associate or talk to her and haven't for 11 years I am worried. She is a compulsive liar and you never know when she is telling the truth. I do most of the time because what ever she says, think the opposite and that is it. My aunts (her sisters) want to help her. My oldest sister has her at her house all the time...I don't know how to tell her. I try but she doesn't want to find fault in "our mother".

I want an intervention!!! She my mom is 52 years old !!!!

I have seeked therapy for myself because of all the abuse I grew up with and her abandoning her. I just know she is on a downfall really bad and know she needs help now. It's hard to open my arms for her since she does not acknowledge any of us. Just my older sister who she spends every day with. Does anyone know who to contact as a therapist or who that person is that helps with an intervention???

Oh she is my mom by blood but not my mom by love. She has never loved us and we had to learn everything for ourselves...TRUST ME! SHE was always W*horing around.

MY heart is big even though she does not care for me but I hate to see people like this. I think about my nieces and nephews who talk about "grandma". That's what gets to me. She has lived this life LONG ENOUGH. She has been arrested and then after a few weeks let go. She has had her worst bottoms and I think a right intervention is what needs to be done!

I did go to a daughters of alcoholic women group and it helped greatly but not the drugs and sleeping around!!! UGH i'm disgusted. I just found out. I am over weighed in this. No one else really focuses on all her problems, they just say she works a lot. My siblings which we are 7 are in denial. I had already let go of her a few years ago but with this...I don't know it's really upsetting.!!!!!She is my mom and I don't want her living on the street!

OH I've seen a Phsychologist and Psychitrist for years. That's why I know she needs help. I'm just scared to get involved because when I do she brings me down. She wears me down!

I have not spoken to her since I was 16 when she left me to care for my younger siblings all 4. I haven't forgiven her for it because she feels no remorse. Ugh...i'm just really stressed because I know my siblings will not want to help much. She needs treatment and she doesn't have insurance. I feel like i'm stuck. She is in so much trouble left and right i'm scared if I offer her my home she will steal from me or take advantage and lie as usual.

I just don't want her to die and know I have the intelligence to help but didn't force her to.

I know it takes the person to change but sometimes she needs to see she has people behind her. She is not close to us so this will be VERY VERY hard!

Answer 1

Honey... I can't even try to understand what you have and are going through. I lived with an abusive alcoholic stepfather for a couple of years, but my mom divorced him before he could do real damage to either of us. What I do know, and I'm sorry to say this, is that a person who is dependent on drugs or alcohol, can only help themselves IF THEY WANT TO. No matter how much the people around the beg they will not even try if they are "ready".

I know this is really hard for you to hear, and I'm not saying to give up on her. Talk to her. No matter how hard it will be, no matter what she may say to you, you have to remember that she is not herself and anything she may say, will be the drugs, alcohol and desperation talking... not her.

You may want to try some counseling for yourself though as you are gong through a horrible time worrying about her.

Robin B gave you some good advise... go to an AA meeting. It will give you some insite as to how they live, think and function. If anyone can give you the proper advise, it will be the people who are living in the same hell you mom and you are.

I do hope everything works out for both of you. Keep up the hope and talk to her... tell her what you feel, pour out your heart. At least you will know that you tried. Good luck.

Answer 2

i'm so sorry that you have to go through this!! your mom was probably sexually abused when she was young... i'm not saying that it's really an excuse...just a possible root issue... your mom needs some tough love right now... all that you can do is let her know how you feel (the intervention sounds great) and tell her that you are ready for a relationship with her once she cleans up... tell your family members not to give her any money or too much help... that's called enabling and will make it to where she'll never learn to help herself...

if her husband is abusive... then you might be able to call the cops on him... i think that you can do it anonymously... but, of course, your mom will have to validate that she's being abused which i doubt she'll do..

this is tough!! my mom used to be a suicidal alcoholic and i tried to save her over and over again... it wasn't until she found spirituality (God) that she changed...(and wow did she change... she's awesome now!!) ... you might just have to give her time to hit rock bottom (even though it's unbeilievable that she hasn't reached it yet!!) ... let her know that you love her no matter what she's done... yelling at her or putting her down will only enforce her negative feelings and behaviors by making her depressed and having her abuse herself more... she needs to know that she has a reason to change... because what she's doing is, basically, slow suicide...

believe me... i realize that the way that she's treated you is horrible and abusive to say the least... but you might just have to do what i did and put your own self on standby until she's ok.... maybe try some counseling... but try to pretend to her that things are ok... she'll see some hope in that..

good luck and God bless~!!

Answer 3

HI- I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THE SITUATION WTH UR MOM! There are 24 hour hotlines for Crisis Intervention Services. They could perhaps get on board and help you out with an intervention. Also, try talkig to ur family Physician. This persnal problem wlll go no further. I work with gals who have hit rock bottom @ a Support Group, which is held on a weekly basis. This outlet is supported by the Crisis Intervention Services. Again, this is confidential. Also, there is a TV show on A & E called "INTERVENTION"- The person who needs help is filmed, thinking they are doing a study on their addicition, only to be suprised when their famil is all @ the meeting site. BELIEVE ME, they are NOT happy, but, are they really anyhow Hope this helped out some. CALL CRISIS INTERVENTION SERVICES IN UR AREA - TAKE CARE- HOPE THIS HELPED. YOU ARE FAR BEYOND UR YEARS MA'AM! GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 4

i don't know if this is the right place to find answers for something like that, perhaps try your kitchen table with your whole family around it.

but

From the sound of the relationship you have with her (or lack there of) approach it from the view of anyone else, this is an abandoned women in need of help but does not realize it. I think when it comes to hardcore drugs you need force because the person with the problem will not help themselves. you need to be stern and proactive. tell yourself that if no one else helps her there is a good chance her life could be cut short and it's now or never.

Answer 5

You and your Aunts should talk with a professional mental health worker in your area. If she has reached this point,- where she is a danger to herself or others - you can ask for "Emergency Order of Detention" may be called something else in your state.
She will then be hospitalized 72 hrs and evaluated and a suggested treatment plan made.
But sadly, luv, she may feel there is NO problem in her life at all-just people butting in...and reject all offers of help. Do go to AA or NA for yourself .

Answer 6

Someone told you to pray for her, and that is just exactly what you should do...Leave it to God and Jesus..and pray for her to get well..They know exactly what to do..your mom is going to fall..something will happen, believe me..sometimes, we want to help..but in the end, it may backfire...the drug dealers might come after you and your family...I think that if anything, someone is going to have to go to a detective...but this has to be done extremely carefully..if at all..Usually, if you give it to the Lord, He knows just what is needed, and will stop her...I am so sorry for what you are having to endure..the only thing you could do, is call her up and let her know how much you love her...and forgive her, and that is it..i wouldn't attack her, accuse her..just let her know that you love her and care..that is it..it might mean something to her that you never knew

Answer 7

I've been through a somewhat similar situation myself with both my parents. I have to say that unfortunately the amount of help you can provide is limited to the point where it seems as if you're doing nothing. However, Robin (above) makes a very good suggestion and in my opinion; you should possibly consider.

Answer 8

It is good that you care so much for your mother and that you want to help her.

Have a family gathering with your sister and your mothers sisters.

A few heads are better than one and you should not have the burden all by yourself.

See if doctors, a psychiatrist or counseling can help.

Good luck. You have a good heart.

Answer 9

Your mom needs to "bottom out" the best way to get her under control is if she gets arrested. If she steals something, don't cover for her...Press charges. Make sure your mom has to face the consequences of her actions. During the sentencing process, she most likely will be required to go into rehab. This is your only chance, she won't "listen" to you because she can't.

Answer 10

It might help to ask a counselor or social worker to oversee an intervention. Talk it over with your Aunts. They might know who could help. Good luck and God bless you and your family.