I'm a wreck and have been for the last 8 months.?

Question

I'm a wreck and have been for the last 8 months.
I am completely in love with a woman who can not return that love.
I have cried rivers upon rivers of tears for this woman.
She is a sweet and kind and gentle creature however one that is out of my grasp.
She can go out at nite and live it up and I doubt she ever thinks of me during that time frame.
She has played mind games with me and manipulated me, she is not a complete princess as she certainly has her flaws.
At this point she uses me as an ego boost, i was told this by a friend but just couldn't grasp the concept and part of my mind still won't allow me to grasp that.
I have given SO MUCH to this woman and she has literally offered nothing in return except a dozen roses and 2 nites in a hotel and that is it.
I went to Cleveland to see her and she could not even come to the airport to see me. I ended up paying for a hotel that nite and taking the greyhound back home in the morning. I don't know if I can ever forgive her for that. Her reasoning for that is that she says she got an email from some woman telling her that she should leave me alone because i'm already involved with this mystery person.
She claims she went to NYC around March 17 I don't buy it as far as my tracking software is concerned she never even left.
I have been there for this girl whenever she needed me ALWAYS!
I bought her daughter a birthday gift because I care about this woman.
I rode the nasty *** greyhound to see her which was a 8 hour trip both ways.
I took the train to go see her and she had me wait at the station from 230am till 11am the next day. She could have picked me up if she wanted to...but she really didn't want to.
She acts like she is this innocent freaking damsel in distress but she is nothing more then a manipulative machine. And for the LIFE of me I just don't understand my allure and love for her.
She has a great laugh and can be sweet but she gives me almost nothing.
I'm now catagorized as "one of her best guy friends" and that insenses me and incites me to no end.
Why in the hell am I so drawn to this woman, what is my major malfunction and how in the hell do I distance myself from her without completely falling to pieces to the point where it effects my job and my interpersonal relationships with other people.
She stresses me so much that the only coping mechanism I have is to not eat. So effectively i'm wasting away into nothingness.

She does call every morning when she gets to work and I just don't get it...I know she would be very uncomfortable and probably shocked if I met someone else. She makes little digs like "so how many girls did you sleep with this weekend" and things like that.

I feel that she doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me either.

I just don't know what to do at this point, I do LOVE her with all my heart and I just don't know what to do.

Have you EVER been in a similar type of relationship and what did you do? Did you drop the hammer so to speak and let the other person know how you REALLY feel the good and the not so good thoughts? Do you just walk away? What did you do??

I am a strong man however this one really has a hold of me really badly.

I want her back in my arms

Any suggestions at all would be fantastic

The "tracking Software" I had mentioned was something I have on my Myspace account, it shows who visits and when and where from. During the time she said she went to NYC she looked at my page 3 times during that time, the tracker said CLEVELAND. I didn't want to imply i was some type of stalker.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, I have been in your situation. She enjoys doing her own thing, at your emotional expense, while enjoying the fact that you will be "waiting in the wings" for her return. As long as this the case you will continued to be used and abused.

Here is my story from a few moons ago...
My girlfriend of 2 years decides to break up with me on my birthday (of all days) to "see other people" (read: my friend who she was seeing for a while). I was absolutely devastated! I couldn't function and thoughts of her completely consumed by life. I called her, I sent expensive flowers, I sent desperate letters, I left love notes on her car...I did just about everything to try to win her back. It felt sick and hollow. I eventually had some rebound relationships but then I found the "one". As soon as we started dating the memory of my evil ex faded into oblivion. However, once she found out that I was "over her" she started calling me. But it was too late. By that time I was over her and I realized that any women worth having would not have done that to me. I happy to say that I have been with that "one" for 14 years. To quote a great Chicago tune:

If she would have been faithful
If she could have been true
Then I would have been cheated
I would never know real love
I would have missed out on you

I know you the pain you are feeling sucks worse than words can express but trust me, it DOES go away. I won't tell you to move on, that has to come from you. What I can tell you is that you need to reflect on the whole relationship and ask yourself if the woman of your dreams, a potential life mate, would treat you this way?

What I would do?
Tell her that you need your "space" and quit answering her calls for few months and try the following:
-Go out and socialize with all kinds of people. Enjoy your freedom and make new friends. Perhaps this woman has given you the chance to find the real "one"
-Do things to keep your mind occupied: do something adventurous!
-You are single now...live it up!
and most importantly....remember that woman are like buses, another one comes along every 15 minutes! I don't know this woman but I can tell you that out of the billions of beautifully wonderful gals in the world there IS a more perfect one for you!

Good luck!

Answer 2

My last boyfriend was a man who took and never gave. Yet I let it go on for six years because I convinced myself that was the best I could do. I was wrong.

It took a great deal of prayer to end the relationship, but it was the best thing I could have done. This woman is like a drug to you and you are so addicted that you are becoming a complete maniac. You need to go cold-turkey my friend. Cut her off and cut her off now before you do something you will regret because you sound like you are on the verge of it.

Listen, I'm going to give you a reality check here, my friend. This isn't love. This is obsession. There's a BIG difference. You sound as if you are stalking her. Why are you tracking her with software?

BACK OFF before it's too late. I am as serious as a heart attack here. You are walking a fine line and it shows in every comment you made.

You don't love her; she doesn't love you. You are confusing love with lust and the two have nothing in common.

This relationship is so toxic that it's not even funny. You need to do exactly what I did. End it and end it now. Delete her from your hard drive, your little black book, and anywhere else you have recorded her information. Block her emails, her phone calls, and any other communication from her. Don't even bother saying good-bye. Just cut the cord completely and go on with your life.

You won't do it though. You will rationalize every which way to justify keeping this woman in your life, and if you do that you are a fool, my friend. I sense that you really want someone to tell you how to win her and keep her. That's never going to happen.

For the sake of your health and sanity, this minute cut the ties completely. From reading your letter, I would say this has already affected your health...your mental health, that is. It's only a matter of time before it shows up in other areas of your life--such as your job--if it hasn't already. You'd be surprised at what others pick up on even though you think you are cleverly disguising it.

I am telling you as the voice of experience life will go on without her, you will find someone new, and your whole outlook will change. The right woman is waiting for you but you can't find her until you make room in your heart for her.

Cut this woman loose today.

Answer 3

You almost had me until you mentioned the tracking software. Either this is an amusing creative writing assignment (in which case I give you an A+) , or you are a freaky stalker. If the stalker answer is correct, you better give it up before she gets a restraining order on you and her great dane attacks you as you're hiding out in her yard late at night.

EDIT: OK sorry I assumed the tracking thing was some sort of GPS thing on her car. Seriously, life is too short to live with such drama. You can't make her want to be with you. If she is not responsive to your efforts, then the time has come to let it go and find someone else.

Answer 4

One day I just walked away, (even moved to a different town,) but not after a huge, angry fight due to circumstances in which I was justified, but that have no resemblance to our common situations.

It's been two years, and we have seen each other several times since, and we're back to getting along quite well, which is a great relief to me since I didn't relish the thought of being enemies with this girl for the next 40-50 years, but it's different now, a good kind of different, acutally.

This is a situation that you dread breaking out of, but once you do, it's a relief. It's kind of a Catch-22. Or a paradox, I guess. However you want to think of it. I just know that for me, it's a relief to be out of it, but it took me 2 years to get over it.

Answer 5

Well, whatever you do just realize it's your choice at this point and take full responsibility for the chances you take. I say this because you're so passionate, and you need to make whatever happens turn out well. So, if you pursue her further and it doesn't work out you have no one but yourself to blame. It's the choice you make. That being said, I think since you're so in love with her you should keep trying to be with her until you're absolutely sure it is impossible. Maybe it will work out and it will be the best thing that ever happened to you and to her.

Answer 6

OK, you keep thinking about her because she treats you so badly. Yes, I mean that.
You think if she starts showing that she cares about you, that it will probe you are valuable, lovable , worthwhile.
but if she comes back to you at all, she will treat you worse than before.


the problem is, she is not capable of that relationship with you.
She has demonstrated it over and over, and you keep going back to suffer some more.

You have lost your choices in life and your ability to make a rational decision, just as if she were alcohol and you were an alcoholic.

I understand what you want. It isn't going to happen.

SUGGESTIONS:
Start going back to other things you used to enjoy, other people you used to be with, take classes - ANYTHING to fill your time with other thoughts for awhile.

Answer 7

You say you want her back in your arms.. but it sounds to me,.. she was never in them.. Yea I was in a relationship .. just like that.. shoe on the other foot. 10 years.. know exactly all the twisted feelings you are having.. "trying to reason with yourself.. but .. nothing.. do nothing.. can't.. no control.. what the hell.. I know what to do.. why can't I?" I'm there right now, too. She is doing exactly what my ex is to me.. stringing you along to use you. Have you when she wants you.. Take advantage of what you offer her with no strings attached. She is so phuggin with you. Just like he is me.. She knows how crazy you are over her.. and she is taking that to her advantage.. I get what you say when you are like you aren't normally like this.. because I'm a hella picky bi!ch and no one else would ever come close to getting away with the **** he does to me. So whats wrong .. why can't we leave them alone.. I really wish I knew.. Cuz it's the most frusterating thing to love someone and want to be with them.. but hate them and not want to be with them.. all at the same time.. You start to feel a little nuts.

Answer 8

Man, I have been in a situation years ago with this guy that i THOUGHT i WAS MADLY, COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH ALSO! I cooked for him twice (when I normally do not even cook for myself) and stayed up at times when I should have been studying for school, etc. He would want to kiss me,a nd I felt we had theis amazing chemistry. He knew it too. I EVEN MET HIS BROTHER AND SISTERAND THEY CALLED ME :SISTER-IN-LAW" UPON FIRST MEETING ME! On campus, sometimes he would completly walk past me as though I did not exhist, and not return my call for days and weeks on end sometimes. I could go on, but let me just tell you- it took me years to get over it, and I still think of that idiot till this day. Let em tell you clearly: THIS GIRL IS MESSED-UP AND NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU JUST LIKE THAT IDIOT WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME! It is normal to be upset over this, but please PRAY on this and ask God to send you a genuinely good person who will respect your time, love and commitment and give you the same in return. No one will be perfect, but what you are dealing with is someone that is messed-up, knows exactly what she is doing and seems to be unstable. Youa re such a great guy from the disription you gave of yourself and you derveve a person that will appreciate you and not hurt you like this. :)

Answer 9

My ex was like that. She's playing with you. It sounds like you know what you have to do, but it is very hard to come to terms with it. I tried to hang on to my ex for years, and was a complete wreck for the whole time. I wasted so much of my life. I left him, and try not to look back as it still breaks my heart. Leave her, and don't look back. It hurts too fu***ng much.

Answer 10

Personally, I think you sound really sweet...but also a little obsessed.

You need to go see a counsellor to help you get this woman out of your system. She is so OBVIOUSLY NOT WORTH it, and if you needed someone else to tell you that, then I AM CONFIRMING it for you right now!

You really need to move on from her, and find someone who reciprocates your feelings and whom you can invest your time in.