How many times do you try?

Question

Like i allways help someone but they burn me like i don't even matter. I mean is this how it works because I really don't understand. They need your help but they just keep comeing back and asking for more never doing stuff on there own. But let you be the one who needs help there is no one ever around So I say Forget it why help someone if they can't help you never ever. Am i wrong for this?

Answer 1

You never stop trying, you just simply learn how to give the best kind of help you can. Each problem that comes to you is a test for you to learn how your power is growing.

From practical point of view one can see there are many kinds and different ways to help. Many people simply need to be listened to. Some need or want knowledge and a few want money. Although it appears many now want money.

However first one must understand how to truly help themselves to understand who they are and how to make themselves happy. You can not truly help a person unless you yourself know how to simply achieve true happiness.

When you do the circle of love expands around you and the majority of those you come into contact with are also happy and helpful people . I see you understand a great deal and the eagerness to rush out and help is huge, all you have to do is listen to their words and you will see where the trouble is.

Answer 2

I've been burnt this way many, many times. I've decided it falls into 2 categories of help: real help & lazy help.

For instance, I have a friend I've known since high school. She still acts like she's 16 - going to raves every weekend, partying all night during the week, doing lots of bad drugs (then wondering why she has health problems). She's kicked the drugs 20 times over the years, but always goes back. She's never there for me when I need her, but I'm always there for her. She is truly in need of help, any way she can get it.

I have an ex-friend who for years always needed gas money, a pack of cigarettes, a place to crash for a few days (that turned into a few months), etc. He's worked more jobs than most of the people I can think of all put together. Most jobs he lasts a couple days, some he's lasted almost a year. He quits over the most piddly stuff. One really bad day for me, he went too far (sold the car we'd let him borrow) & I'd finally had enough. I told him off bigtime. Yeah, maybe I was a little harsh, but he needed it. He moved in with his parents, got a job & has been there for 4 years now. He hasn't talked to me since (but does wave if he drives past). He is now looking for a house of his own.

Answer 3

You help because you are a good lad but you are right some people will use you if they can.
So now you need to only help when you really think you should, like maybe bailing them out of jail if you like them enough and after they have had a day or two to think on it.
Or if they are stranded and need a way home.
But don't let them walk all over you.
You are there so you will be the better judge of what you feel you should help with and what you shouldn't.
Hugs

Answer 4

I have this issue. It's called the "Disease to Please". I am forever bending over backwords for others and those same people can't ever return the favor when I need it. While I think it's good to help without expecting anything in return, it would be nice if those people I helped make life easier would do the same for me once in a while. I hardly ever ask but when I do...not one can come through? The only way to deal with it is to say no more often. Don't completely stop helping but pick and choose what you can help them with.

Answer 5

Wrong attitude!

Always try and help your fellow man. and if they do end up burning you, then never help that person again, but you can't allow one or two incidents to destroy the part of you that is so caring to help someone out in their time of need, that is a wonderful gift that you have, so use it, but select the people you help, first by listening to their stories, and if they seem creditable, then help them, but if something send up red flags inside your head that something just isn't right with the story your hearing, then back off and go about your business, and this might be the way to solve this problem.

People that abuse another person's kindness are very sick people, and why they take advantage of someones good kind heart in the first place is beyond me, but they are out there and they will take advantage of you if you let them, the trick is not to let them.

Good Luck, friend!

Fire'n'Ice

Answer 6

Learning to discern whether your actions are going to actually help someone or hinder them or hinder your self comes with a little age I think. It is nice to want to help someone but if you are getting burned you need to reappraise your approach. You are obviously a kind hearted person but do learn to give without an emotional backlash. The feeling of being used is either because you have been used or the spirit with which you give is full of expectation.

Answer 7

I help only those who really need to be helped, and I don't really care about the consequences.
See you don't even expect a blind man to say thank you after you've helped him cross the road. The joy of helping those who needed help at that material time is more important. Don't feel bad if nothing is returned. That is the very essence of helping people.

Answer 8

Some people are users who will take and take and take as long as you're willing to give. It's ok to stop helping them if they're just using you and never around to help you. Not only is it ok but you should cut them off. You teach people how to treat you and if you allow them to take advantage of you, you can't surprised when they do.

However, not everyone is like that. Lots of people will be there for you when you need someone.

Answer 9

If you expect something in return, then get it in writing - its called a contract and it is a business arrangement. Why do you help this person?
By the way, you sound like you are 12 years old? Stand up and stop being used and/or stop acting like a hero.

Answer 10

Jesus said to forgive 70 times 70 , but sometime you have to do some tough love and let them grow up some and see that you want be used, and respected a little more from them