Well naturally, the situation is a bit complex. I need to stay on a good "friendly" relation with this person because from time to time she and I work closely together on different projects. But here are the problems-
1) She's a time hog. If she invites me to lunch for, she'll take up the entire afternoon!
2) She tends to cut people off in the middle of their sentences. Annoying yes, especially when I have to get my point across to her.
3) She wants us to socailize after work. She eats up enough time when we're on the clock, I can't afford to give her any of my family/home time.
4) Her children are monsters! My sons have autism, they don't know how to defend themselves, or worse, I don't want them picking up her kids bad behavior.
I've already tried talking to this lady about my issues with her, but she just doesn't hear me. What can I do!?!
2007-08-18 14:19:47 · 10 answers · asked by Linda J 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Tony has hit the nail on the head with this. Simply make polite excuses when she asks you to share lunch or outside work time ~ "I'm sorry, I really have to get this finished so I'm having lunch at my desk", "Sorry, I must hurry home because we have something on tonight" ... never say "We'll catch up later" or anything similar as it will give her false hope.
Personally, I suspect she is actually a lonely person who does not have many friends, probably because of the very things which have driven you away ~ attention grabbing, etc.
If you do not put your foot down and make a break, she could start to take up more and more of your time, and the longer you do not address it, the harder it will be when you finally are forced to stay 'stop'.
You are wise to make the break now, while it is still possible to be fairly gentle and discreet about it.
Best wishes :-)
2007-08-18 14:40:45 · answer #1 · answered by thing55000 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If by any case you already made yourselves clear on these issues than you need to tell her that you really don't have any time for her right now.. Make sure you are direct in telling her this so she fully understands and that your attention right now is on your child. Don't go out to lunch with her or anything else. Try not to have a conversation with her it will only invite her back again. Some times people like that do not take the hint they really don't think they are doing anything wrong. But since you work with her you must be, how should I say gentle.
I hope this works. Sometimes in life we have to walk away and chose are friends no matter who they are but gentle as possible because they do have feelings.
2007-08-18 21:36:35 · answer #2 · answered by Marianne F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly in my opinion if you need to keep things somewhat friendly then I would suggest more and more declining to do things, not a lot at first, but more and more each week or month to the point where you say no most the time and she does not even bother to ask you anymore.
Use reasons such as kids, family what ever, just be polite about it if you can. You of course could just tell her but as you said you need to keep it friendly so in my eyes the best way is to just let time pass and spend less and less time with her and spend time with new or other friends in stead so when she does call you can honestly say you are busy.
best of luck! It is a hard thing to do
2007-08-18 22:37:31 · answer #3 · answered by Legend Gates Shotokan Karate 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can walk all over you without your consent!
You don't have to be melo-dramatic and tell her, "I don't want to be your friend!"
You just need to find yourself more and more "unavailable" .. for lunch dates, after-work get togethers, play-dates with the kids, etc.
Keep turning down her invitations and never reciprocate. Eventually she'll get the message. Even obnoxious, annoying people know when they're not welcome.
Good luck!
2007-08-18 21:33:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
From the title:
Dont answer the friends call, and dont bother contacting them theyll soon get the massage, if they are not the type that you ccan approach or want to communicate with
2007-08-18 21:27:59 · answer #5 · answered by zara z 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds really selfish. I would tell her that I have some new things going on at home and I/we are not going to be available for socials. You don't have to lie. You don't owe her an explanation. It's none of her business.
2007-08-19 00:05:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with all those who said just decline her invitations. You've made the effort to be straightforward, it's time for some subterfuge.
2007-08-18 22:50:11 · answer #7 · answered by barbara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be blunt and firm with such a person. Tell her you can't accomodate her after office hours.
2007-08-19 03:00:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't say you don't wanna socialise with her anymore. Just learn to say NO. No excuses - just NO or don't have time or have plans.
2007-08-18 21:29:08 · answer #9 · answered by Simona B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Write her a note anonymously,,about this issue, she won't know its you and maybe it'll help her to see her undesirableness.
2007-08-18 21:27:49 · answer #10 · answered by Inou 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋