Does this sound too good for an 8th grade writing assignment?

Question

I dont mean to brag but I think my assignment is a little too good lol. I didnt copyright it or anything but I took notes from a website: http://encarta.msn.com/text_761570777__1/Native_Americans_of_North_America.html

but ok here it is.. i need to organize the paragraphs so that they all flow right.

native americans were indigenous people that lived in north america until europeans started to explore the new world.

ancient natices migrated across a land bridge that once connected asia to north america during the ice age.

native americans survived by using natural resources everywhere they went to adapt to climate. in the northeast, they ate wild plants and used trees from the forests to make tools and canoes. in the southwest, they grew corn from grass seeds. at one time they lived in the arctic. this helped them become excellent hunters of game animals.

they lived in small teepee-shaped houses called wigwams. larger tribes lived in longhouses that held religious ...

ceremonies where they prayed, smoked tobacco, and danced with masks on to prevent evil spirits.

when europeans came to the new world, they traded with the natives and settled on their land. at one time, they tried to take the land that belonged to the natice americans for so long.

im not sure if its good enough or too good for an 8th grade writing assignment.

Answer 1

1) Document where you got the information and put it in your own words. For example, start you first paragraph by citing your on line source: According to the on-line article "Native Americans of North America", Native Americans were (continue your sentence) . . . .

2) Use your own words unless you are directly quoting from the article. Would you use the word "indigenous" without copying it from the web site? You might simply leave this word out writing instead, " Native Americans were living in North American when Europeans started to explore the New World." Obviously, Indians still live in North America just in smaller numbers.

3) Capitalize the proper nouns Native Americans, North America, Europeans, Asia, Ice Age, Northeast, Southwest, Artic. A proper noun is a very specific name of something, for instance, Hawaii, Asia, Paris, and New York Mets instead of common nouns like state, continent, city, and team.

4) Further develop your paragraphs. You might combine your first and second paragraphs for a more fully developed introductory paragrah. Each paragraph should have a topic sentence followed by three more sentences that explain the topic sentence in more detail. Is the word "natices" natives? Use spell-check.

5) Capitalize the first word of every sentence. What does the word "this" refer to in the last sentence of the fourth paragraph? I would suggest that you replace this vague pronoun with the words "living in places where it was hard to survive helped them become (continue your sentence) . . . ."

6) Not all Indians lived in teepee-shaped houses. Write instead that the Plains Indians lived in small teepee-shaped houses. . . The tribes that lived in long houses lived in the Eastern United States. You can also give more specific information here. Write that some of the Eastern tribes lived in longhouses . . . "

Answer 2

It's not bad. The first three paragraphs sound a bit choppy, but as you said, you need to organize them. Good job.

Answer 3

Very nicely done! I'm going into 9th grade myself, English Honors. You put a lot of work into this essay,and it shows. Hope you get the grade you deserve!

Answer 4

In all honesty, your sentences are very choppy, and you don't have any capitalization. You won't have a problem if you cite your source.