My fiance and I are paying for our own wedding. We're having our reception at a country club with a specific minimum that we don't want to go over - if any "extra" guests show up then we automatically have to pay about $68/head. So we are trying to keep the guest list under a certain number. I've come across numerous people, mainly just acquaintances, who automatically assume that they are coming. It really puts me in an awkward position when they say "So I'm getting an invite right??" or "I can't wait to go to your wedding!". Frankly I've never made an assumption that I would be a guest at someone's wedding, so I'm a little surprised to see how many people who actually do - especially those that I'm not even good friends with!! I don't mind these people, but again we are on a budget and I'd rather have our money spent on family and good friends. How do you respond to people who have such expectations on you?
2007-08-18 10:31:10 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It is so rude for them to do this, especially ones who are married. They should already know that weddings are expensive and no one has an unlimited budget!
Here's what you say:
"Well, we don't really have the guest list set in stone yet, but we are only planning for our families and oldest friends because of money and space issues."
You don't have to come right out and say they're not invited unless they are so dense and rude as to ask again after you say this. Then you may actually have to tell them. To do this is not rude however, because, people should not ask questions they are not prepared to hear the answer to.
2007-08-18 10:52:29 · answer #1 · answered by valschmal 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Be polite ! I'd say since we are paying for all of this ourselves and our budget is very limited we are just inviting family members. Of course you'll have a few friends there as well but this does cut down on hurt feelings. People should understand budgets and that going into debt when you're starting out isn't the wisest choice. . The tough part will be the guests who want to bring someone else along even if you make the invitation only to them as an individual. This will happen and if it is close friends and family you'll have to be firm but polite. You may lose one or two guests over this issue. But frankly they don't have the right to spend your money.
2007-08-18 17:49:59 · answer #2 · answered by lemonlimesherbet 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar issue. Both my husband and I have rather large families and believe it or not we had to limit ours to immediate family and close friends. That meant my great aunts and uncles were not invited. We still ended up with over 130 people. We also paid for it ourselves. You have to draw the line somewhere.
So in answer to your question, I would just smile and nod when people would say oh I can't wait etc. I figured they would figure it out when they didn't get an invitation.
If they come right out and ask you if you are inviting them I would just say that do to your budget you are only inviting family. It's really none of their business who is getting invited. Most people understand that a wedding is a big expense and are not bothered by it.
Don't stress about it! Good luck!
2007-08-18 19:33:27 · answer #3 · answered by Reba 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them the wedding is limited to close family and long term friends. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not obligated to invite the whole world to your wedding, and if they can't understand it, that's their problem. Of course, you realize you shouldn't expect a gift from them either, right?
2007-08-18 17:40:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How bout just don't send them an invite and have a guest list at the door. If they're not on the list, they don't come in.
2007-08-18 17:57:01 · answer #5 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi ther i had the same problem with mine last year, tell them straight its only very close friends and family invited, and its a small event, and if they fall out with you so what they rnt close friends anyway, ppl like that just see wedding as free day out, as i learnt.
2007-08-18 17:43:11 · answer #6 · answered by justagirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those people are very bold. I would just say "We wish we could invite everyone! But we decided to just keep the wedding very small, just family." Dont apologize. Just state that its going to be small, and move the conversation along.
2007-08-18 23:14:50 · answer #7 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just inform anyone who mentions their assumptions to you that you are having a small, intimate wedding. You might even consider telling them that they are more than welcome to attend the ceremony, but the reception is for close friends and family only :)
2007-08-18 17:43:39 · answer #8 · answered by truelovernr1122 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Where I live, it is customary to hand out invitations to the dance only.
That way, people don't feel completely left out, and you don't have a ton of extra expenses.
2007-08-18 17:41:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think Valschmal, above, has the perfect solution to this.
2007-08-18 18:42:21 · answer #10 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋