Okay, well... my mother was adopted and I have no idea who her parents, siblings or anything is. A few months before my birth, my father left my mother and I've never met him. Basically, I know only 2 of my blood relatives, my little brother and my mom. I really want to meet (or at least see) my father and his sons but my mom says he's a horrible person and there is no way of tracking down his sons since most of them don't live with him and she doesn't know where he is. I don't wanna tell her that I wanna meet him because I'm afraid of what she'll think or tell me. Is there any way of finding out who he is and who my lost siblings and without my mom making a big deal about it? I've tried using websites but I don't have enough information. PLEASE HELP ME!!
2007-08-18 10:22:51 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm 13-years-old.
2007-08-18 11:43:10 · update #1
Oh. I forgot to mention my mom's side.
Like I said, she doesn't know her real family and neither do I. How can I find out her relatives??
2007-08-18 11:52:34 · update #2
I have a daughter from a previous relationship that may be in a position similar to yours. Her mother left me before she was born then decided to force an adoption by her step father when my daughter was five. I've not had any contact with her since. You don't say how old you are, and it could make a big difference if you are still underage or still living with your mother.
I understand your hesitation to broach this subject with your mother, but I would still advise you to talk to her. You have questions, and probably issues, that you need to resolve. And you have a right to meet your father and decide for yourself if he is as bad as your mother says he is. Even if she doesn't know where he is, she still knows more about him than you do, and the more information you have, the easier it will be to track him down.
Whether its possible or not, the only way to proceed is to collect all the information you can about him and about his sons. Keep asking questions, and follow all the leads that you find until you can't follow them any more. If you have a name and a city where he lived, you look up the addresses of anyone with that name in that city andwrite letters asking if he's your dad. You might find him or a relative that way. If you know what he does for a living, that can help narrow the scope of your search. Anything you know about him will help to narrow the search.
It will probably take time, and you may not succeed, but it is also possible that he has deliberatly left tracks for you to follow. Try a google search with his name and your first name or your mother's first name.
2007-08-18 10:53:53 · answer #1 · answered by Tad W 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend was in the same kind of situation. His father left when he was very young and he never knew him. When he was about 10 or so his dad would write to him and my boyfriend would write back, but his mom refused to let them meet. She claimed he was a horrible man and that he was abusive. His father asked him to come visit when he was 13 and his mother said no. But finally when he was 17 his mother let him go see his father. They met and it was amazing. They are pretty close now and we've gone and visited him a few times. He isn't a horrible guy anymore, who knows what he was like when he and my boyfriends mother were together.
So my advice to you is that your mom may think that you're just too young. Wait until she feels comfortable to. Just keep talking to her about it though because that may help to get her used tot he idea. Don't give up!!
As far as your mothers family info goes, thats all up to her cause I'm sure she could get that information if she can't then her real mom may not want contact. So thats also in your mom's court.
Good luck!! Keep trying to talk to your mom!!
2007-08-25 15:25:23 · answer #2 · answered by sara e 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever seen your Birth Certificate?Unless, your Mother did something to stop it, your Father's name should be on your Birth Certificate. If your Mother won't let you see it, you can go to the Health Dept. in the city where you were born and request a copy.
Good Luck,
2007-08-26 14:27:24 · answer #3 · answered by jcf6865 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you can just metion to her what was his name little things now and then and from there you can go to the health area govt and look up adotions and divorce stuff it should bealbe to tell you something. you can also with names looks up addresses if there is any around. but you can also go to cousinconnect.com and when you have names but you have to be very careful how you ask her stuff and slowly she'll let some out each time. just write it down and keep asking little tings every so often. the thing is if she is ike my family its very hard to come to grips with this mess. i know its hard to say and your dad could be horrible. tht is true and shes just trying to protect you or maybe the best thing would be hey i want to know his name what is it? she may tell you out right and then you can look up stuff just aks here and we'll tell you mroe.
2007-08-22 22:34:03 · answer #4 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mum will be in the right position to help you
but it seem the relationship between them is long dead
and your mum rather have him out of her head.
the fact remain that you have the right to know him,
not minding what she thinks of you.
you have to keep telling her
that you would like to know and probably meet him.
it is a pity you are a victim to this messed up relationship.
best of luck in your search.
2007-08-26 16:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by anne o 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends on how old u are she may think you just arnt ready for it or ask her why he was a horrible person. if he left then didnt love you enough to stay i hope you understand.
2007-08-18 17:27:23 · answer #6 · answered by sweetbabyangel51688 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hire a private investagator.good luck,hope u find wat your looking for!
2007-08-18 17:49:15 · answer #7 · answered by cutemel10 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋