Is it normal to keep a friendship with your ex?

Question

My gf has started up a friendship with an ex recently. Normally i wouldn't care but this guy was her first love, first kiss, well first everything so it makes me a little tense when they hang out togeather. I have accepted the friendship (though i don't like it he doesn't either we treat each other with a state of mutual disdain) however do people think its normal to be friends with someone they were so close to or should they just leave an ex in the past to not complicate the future
Should i make an effort to get to know this guy or just continue my state of disdain (or failing that just put his head through a wall-just kidding 8-) )

Answer 1

She's already brought the guy back into her life, so you have to deal with him. Do make an effort to get to know him, or at least to be civil. The more he thinks you're okay, the less inclined he'll be to do anything to mess up your relationship (assuming he has any plans in that direction), and the less time your girlfriend will spend drawing unfavorable comparisons between the two of you. If you notice any definite signs of unresolved feelings on her part, you need to work them out by talking to her, not dreaming up ways to beat him up.

Answer 2

I can only give you my opinion from my own experiences, so please take that into consideration in reading my answer.

I absolutely think it's ok to stay friends with an ex. Many people stick that with weird or abnormal because it is generally not common. However, if you can remain friends with an ex, I think that shows maturity on both of your parts. It's the same with a divorce I think... it doesn't have to turn ugly and you don't have to hate each other. Don't get me wrong there are some circumstances where a friendship is not possible, but you can be mature enough not to cause an unnecessary fight or anything.

I also think (from experience) than when an ex becomes an ex it is for a reason... sometime's it's worth it to give it one more shot, but I can say from experience that it is often better to just leave it be and be friends.

I can imagine it's been hard for you to accept your gf's friendship with your ex, especially considering some of their history. My best advice would be to tell your girlfriend that you trust her completely, but you are a bit uneasy about their friendship since they were previously so close as a couple. If you feel this way even mention you are not sure of the ex's intentions of being only friends with her, considering what they had before. She should not have a problem with you voicing very reasonable and realisitic concerns. If she does or gets extremely defensive for him, then I would be careful.

I do not think you have any obligation to get to know this guy or become his friend. I do think however that you should at least be cordial to him when you do see him. Be the bigger man and be polite and respectufl even though it's hard... that way your side of the street is clean no matter what happens.

I hope I have been at least of a little help to you. If you need a friend or want to ask me anything else feel free to email me :)
P.S.... sorry too for the long answer.

Answer 3

Hard one! Well, I have 3 exes. I'm friends with one of them. We occassionally call each other and often e-mail back and forth on MySpace. I see him once or twice a year (he lives hours away). He is the only ex that I have *any* attraction for, but I'm over him and wouldn't try to rekindle a relationship. If I had a *steady* boyfriend, I would still write to my ex, phone him, and chat with him when I saw him....but I would not be making plans to hang out with him regularly (especially alone).

But if I were you, I wouldn't act disdainful--even if you feel that way. Rather, I'd state my feelings once and then lock them up. I'd actually subtely *encourage* my girlfriend to hang out with her ex. Like, when she leaves with him, I'd say "See ya' later, OK? Have fun."

See, jealousy will only make your GF look at her ex and think, "So my boyfriend's jealous, is he? For him to be jealous, he must think my ex has something he doesn't. Maybe he's right." But if you are mellow about it--even maybe a little too mellow--your GR might end up thinking, "WHAT?! He doesn't even CARE?! But I'm a hot item, aren't I? Aren't I?! ....Maybe he doesn't care because he knows he can get another girlfriend--he could be right. Hmm...maybe I have a good thing with him. Maybe I ought to hang on to it...."

Or something like that....

Answer 4

The first love is always special. If you aren't in a serious relationship then you have no worries. If the relationship is just talking like with anyone else then the love thing is over. If they see each other without you then I would wonder. Get to know him not necessarily. Why would you put them together more than they are. If she shows a lot of interest step aside before you suffer any more than you are.

Answer 5

Its a tough spot......I have been on both sides of it, I remained friends with my ex wife , even after she cheated on me with her new husband, ( I ended up pummeling him about the head and shoulders) Eventually he ended up cheating on her and becoming abusive with my kids , hence the beating. So if you sense that he is moving in, confront them on it and if she chooses him over you , wasn't worth it anyway. And there closeness could be derived from friendship but most likely there is some other motive to his coming back into her life. She may not feel that way, but i guarantee he does,. while most wont agree I think head thru the wall works ..... Watch when Harry met Sally.....The explanation on how guys and girls can't truly be friends is defined well in that movie, maybe even have her watch it with ya and that will bring up the topic, if your number one, you will know and if shes got something going on the side , better off finding out now than later...Good Luck .....

Answer 6

as long as she assures you that's purely a friendship, i could pass forward and make the attempt to be acquaintances at the same time along with her with this guy. advise that the you all have dinner at the same time or pass to a action picture or merely draw close out. If she is attempting to do issues on my own with this guy i could be careful. i've got been acquaintances with exes earlier. i've got on no account completed something with them without my boyfriend being there. I surely do not placed myself in iffy circumstances. So, if she is being genuine and truthful with then you definitely i could pass forward and make the attempt. that's going to tutor to her which you're mature adequate to handle the relationship and friendship.

Answer 7

I dont hang out with my ex's but I talk to them occasionally. We dont share intimate details either, but we keep the questions to a "hows work" "what are you studying" "hows your family" type. I think I would be suspicious if they share much more info then that. If you want, suggest the the guy brings a date and you all go out to the movies to get to know each other a little more. It may ease the situation for you.

Answer 8

Don't show distain, but you in no way shape or form have any obligation to find a liking to this ex boyfriend of hers. It's normal that sometimes they remain friends, but just keep an eye on her, if you trust her everything will be okay.

Answer 9

My ex-h and I are great friends, but we didn't stop and start again. I'd wanna know why they started up again.

And it's not his head to put through a wall, it's hers. Start hanging out with your ex and see if she likes it.

Answer 10

I think it's totally normal. I'm friends with my ex and my boyfriend accepts that. I know it maybe hard for you to accept it and all, but your girlfriend still loves you, don't forget that.