Please help me!!!?

Question

I am a 15 year old black boy who lives in Nottingham, I live with my mother, my grandmother, four sisters and one brother (who i dont talk too.) I am never allowed out of my house too see my friends or do anything that I want too do. My mother constantly says that she doesnt want me living with her, because I have no respect for her, yet everyone else I meet says that I am a nice child who is vey poliet.

I dont live with my father and I have never seen him before, my mother often says she regrets having me because I am no good and have no ambition, which I dont believe is true. My mother says that I'm not allowed out because I am a young black boy, and that I am a moving target for other young black boys too shoot or stab etc. I am only ever allowed out to places my mother wants too go and im only ever allowed out with an older member of my family. It is the six week holidays and prior to them I have become extremely depressed, and I feel very alone and unhappy.

Please help!

Answer 1

HI:

I'm not good with where place are, but isn't Nottingham part of England?

If so, don't they have child protective services? Maybe if you are really not being allowed out, you need to call them for help. Do you have a teen crisis line in your area. I'd call them as they can offer you help in your area that is applicable to your situation.

Your mother would freak here in the USA; every kids is in danger to one degree or others and many major cities are a huge danger to any black child, teen adn young adult trying to live an honorable life and stay out of trouble.

I can undersand your mother's fears; but she's only creating more problems by never allowing you out. Restricting wher eyou go, making you prove you will go wher eyou say you go, do what you say you are going to do is adviced, but not allowing you out at all without her or an older family member. It may not be abuse, but it's also not healthy.

Your mother at the least is being verbally abusive. Never believe her mean words or you'll have them in your head for life. Don't argue with her; it won't help. Just say to yourself when she says mean things. That isn't true; she is the one with the problem. I am a good person, I can do a lot with my life. beleive me, I had abusive words in my mind for 30 years. So learn to not accept them by saying positive things to counter act their affect upon you everytime she says something negative about you as a person. She's probably had the same me things said to her and choose to believe them.

You should have been born; if she didn't want children, she should never have had sex.

See if your friends will come by with their parents and ask to visit; it may help if she gets to know them and their parents. It's worth a try.

Do you know why you have never seen your father? The truth of it? Do your siblings know who he is? What do they say about him?

Do not allow our life to put you into depression, it becomes a very vicious cycle. Try to find the positive things in life, no manner how small. Pray and ask your Heavenly Father to help both you and your mother have a better life, it can help, believe me, I know.

Have you told a school couselor? Maybe that also could help; maybe they could find a way to get you involved in activities your mother would allow. WHat about church; maybe she'd allow you to be involved in youth activities through church.

I am sorry she feels the need to isolate you adn can't see the harm it can do.

Make sure you are honest with yourself abuse things you do. If you are lazy; begin today to do positive things you can do. Try helping your mother more; too often kids don't help out and yet want all the privileges.

I reallly think calling a Teen Crisis line, they are free, and talking to them, may begin to help you find some positive help, positive resources. Don't give up and turn into a bad kid, just to show her. All that will do is prove to her she had a reason for keeping you at home and you'll lose out big time and spend a life time trying to fix your life. So be a son a mother can be pround of. Ask for the help you need even if your are embarrassed. You are not alone, a lot of kids have parents who out of fear won't allow them to socialize. Especially many black children go through this; their parents are so afraid of losing them to the violence, to gangs, to drugs, to others violence, that they hold on so tight their child can't live and grow in a healthy manner. Having someone who runs after school programs for teens on your side could also help; as they'll be able to offer positive activities and they'll have dealt wtih fearful parents like your mother before and may be able to convince her to allow you to participe in positive groups.

Reach out, call a Teen Line. Ask about after school resources in your area and call and talk tot he adults who run them. It's a place to begin. But whatever you do, live with honor, do well in school and don't act out just to get even with you mom. Keep trying until you find the help you need.

I hope things for you improve soon!

Answer 2

I wish I could help you. At least your mother must care some...since she's trying to protect you from getting hurt or killed. Try to listen to your words...see if the things you say or the way you say it is disrespectful to your mother. I just told a younger family member the other day that I didn't see how he got away out in the world and at school being so disrespectful. His answer was" I don't act this way with other people". Maybe it's the same with you. At least you'll be going back to school and in a few years you'll be 18 and can leave. I know that seems like a long time. I saw those phone numbers someone left for you to call for help. I think that's a good idea. Why don't you talk to your brother??

Answer 3

Oh, I hope this won't sound patronising, but "poor you" I really DO feel for you. It sounds like a dreadfully unsatisfying situation to find yourself in. No one likes to feel they have NO choice and are STUCK.

Do you have ANYONE you CAN talk to? A tutor at school or someone "older" whom you feel you can trust? Could you make an appointment and visit you GP and talk to him / her about feeling depressed and the problems you are having within your family.

You really need to DO something as it doesn't seem like things are likely to shift or change for the better of their own accord. I expect your mum is worried about you and the two of you are just having a massive miscommunication problem. Maybe some sort of "family therapy" meeting, with an impartial third party to mediate would be a real bonus.

Please don't just suffer in silence and think there is nothing you can do. You really shouldn't have to feel depressed and alone. You have probably got important GCSE exams coming up next year? And things you need to be able to concentrate on. Try to reach out for some help.

Being your age isn't a whole lot of fun! But honestly life DOES change... not necessarily in the ways you want it to! But being a teenager is probably one of the worst times of you life.... hormones and so many changes to go through.

Try one of the "voluntary" teenage organisations. Someone else has listed a whole lot of possibilities! I urge you to please DO something and take care.

-Regards,

Answer 4

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Some of the things you describe may be abuse on the part of your mother. I recommend that you talk to a school counselor about your problems, or possibly even call the police. It does seem like your mother cares about you and wants to protect you, but it's possible that she's just going about it in the wrong way. If you can't work it out with her on your own, you might try to go to family counseling with her. If she's not willing then get help by yourself. God bless.

Answer 5

I can't imagine the turmoil you must be going through right now, because, thankfully, I was blessed with a close family...

If, however, you ever just want to talk about your problems with someone in private, the people here care about what you have to say...

Talk Zone

1-800-475-TALK

Peer Counselors

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Teen Help Line

1-800-400-0900

Help Line For Troubled Teens

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Teen Hot Line

1-800-747-8336

Hot Line For Troubled Teens

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VOICES In Action, Inc.

1-773-327-1500

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Youth Development International

1-800-HIT-HOME (448-4663)

Youth Crisis Hotline

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National Crisis Line

1-800-334-4357

Crisis Help Line

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National Youth Crisis Hotline

1-800-448-4663

Youth Crisis Hotline

Answer 6

Hello, firstly i would like to say that you dont sound like you have ambition to be writing this. I am very sorry that your mum reacts this way to you. You are in a very awful situation as you dont want to disobey your mother by going out but you have to get yourself out before you go crazy! I dont know what advise to give on this one but i do hope that things work out for you as this is truley upsetting and very wrong!!! Good Luck

Answer 7

are you a different person at home then when you are with other people? you're 15 and going through changes, physically and mentally which is difficult to control. maybe without your dad you can be more aggressive. it seems your mum thinks you're too imature to be out on your own and your colour has nothing to do with it. you need someone to talk to, maybe a teacher, but you wont sort your problem on this site mate.

Answer 8

Speak to one of your older relatives. Explain how you are feeling and ask them if they could speak to your mum for you.

Answer 9

Phone child line and explain everything to them they will help you