What to do with my son?

Question

I, if you read my profile, am the father of a 9 year old daughter and a 7 year old son. Lately, my son has expressed a confusing desire to be his sister. Let me clarify that. He wants to be like his sister in all regards. For the last few months, he has not played with his cars or trucks, unless it is to expand a Barbie game he is playing with his sister. Also, he wants to grow his hair long, get his ears pierced and wear her clothes. I consider myself to be a very understanding parent, but I have zero idea of how to deal with this. I tried researching this issue online, and a lot of what I found pointed towards allowing him to crossdress and explore his feminine side. I am inclined to do this, but what are the limits I should impose on him? I think if he had his way, he'd wear his sister's clothes 24/7, even to school. So, good Yahoo! Answers people, what should I do?

To the person who suggested I "bang them", I suggest this. Roast in the fiery pits of darkest blackest Hell. I'm sure I speak for all people here in asking you to do that.

Answer 1

Hi there Dad,
1st I want to say I am sorry you lost your wife. I can't imagine the impact this has had on your children. From what you have shared...it sounds to me that he miss's his mother and the only identifying mother figure he has is his sister. In your sons way he's trying to fill the void. From the loss of his mother there remains a void ... I would suggest finding a child/family therapist that will help you as a family talk about the loss of their mother and your wife.

Also seeking help through your preist or pastor and discussing this issue with them would be helpful to guide you in the right direction. Take courage in the fact that you know your children and see the changes that they are going through. Don't be discouraged or frightened, love your children and yourself through this know that I will always be here if you need to talk further.

Isaiah 41:10 Don't be afraid for I am with you.

Answer 2

Since this desire to "be like his sister" as you put it has only been happening for a few months, and hasn't been a long term thing, I would say that it is either a sign that something is wrong, and he is expressing that by trying to change himself into something else (in this case, a girl) or it is just a phase. Hopefully it is the latter and will go away sooner or later. In either case, I suggest you take him to see a therapist and get to the bottom of why he is behaving this way. If he had always wanted to dress feminine I would just let him and let that be that, but since this is a new thing, you need to know the motivations behind it before you make a decision about whether to indulge him or not.

Answer 3

First of all, looking up something like this online does not help. You have a family with a lot of "not good issues". It must have been devistating to lose your wife and also horrible for your children. You, being an adult can find ways to cope with the death, where as your children don't have a clue how to cope. You can talk with them until you turn blue but you can't change their feelings on their emotions.
Since you work for a school system - you have access to the following people to help if you want - your own school counselor, a trusted teacher/friend, Director of Psychology. Or if you chose contact a psychologist out of the school system. Good luck and I don't think this is as bad as it appears...but I don't have the answers.

Answer 4

First off the bat this does not mean DEFINATELY that your son is gay or anything - he s probably just curious - but if I were you I would try and take your son to a psycologist. Im a pretty open minded person but I would try to stop him from doing it for his sake because when he gets older and realizes what he did when he was litlle he will proobably feel realy stupid and also if people at school find out then he will probably get beat up. But if he really is gay or something then just let him be himself and love him for who he is. But seriously only a trained professional could tell you is it is just a phase or is he is a crossdresser.

Answer 5

I think you should have a talk with him about what is in accordance to wear and also he is old enough to figure out what people might think of him. Show him things that boys do, like camping or baseball. And be sure to let him know that if he wants to go camping he cannot wear dresses. That way, if he wants to do this fun activity he will have to act like a boy. Try it. If it doesnt work just love him for who he is. Maybe its a faze. Trust me, once he gets to junior high and sees breasts, he will change.

Answer 6

I would take him to a psychologist as he has suffered a huge loss in his life- the violent and sudden death of his mom- which could play a role in his behavior.

Edit: chenis- On the contrary, you are uneducated and have no business answering in the way that you did. For one thing, this boy is without his mom- and AT ANY AGE this could very well effect him. He lost his mom at a tender age- at 1 years old- how in the world would you think that would not effect him? Babies are not feelingless creatures- and it may have left an impression. Likewise, speaking to a therapist in general would be a good idea to sort through some of what is happening- WOULD IT NOT????

I think you need to educate yourself and change your username to something- shall we say- more appropriate????

Answer 7

I think the internet is great for many things, but I believe you need to talk to a child psychologist. I am not saying he has a problem, but I am not an expert. Explain your concerns to him/her and let them give you guidance to help your son, if at all he needs it. I certainly understand your concern as I also have a 7 yr old son and I'm not sure how I would feel.

The best of luck and I wish your whole family well. ~♥~

Answer 8

You know, I'm having some of the same issues (not cross dressing but other things) with my son. He's always acting like a girl for "class comedian" purposes. And at first I was VERY upset about it because he's 11 and then I realized he was getting a lot of positive feedback when he did it- he's popular and kids think he's funny and smart. And then I realized it's the same thing that actors get paid big bucks to do-- like all of the actors on MadTV or (I'm dating myself here) In Living Color... and it made me feel less like he was messed up and more like it could be a phase or maybe he'll end up a comedian. Maybe he feels that girls are treated better and he wants to find out if it's true??? Maybe his sister's clothes are softer to the touch? It could be a simple problem so I wouldn't blow it out of proportion. Let him experiment a bit but keep your eye on who he chooses to hang out with at school- if it's always girls and he doesn't like them (meaning attracted to them), then maybe there's something to it. If he hangs out regularly with boys and enjoys it, then I wouldn't worry at all. No matter what, though, he's your son and you shouldn't try to MAKE a psychological problem if there isn't one. Good luck!

Answer 9

You have a lot on your plate- and for your son to have such a wonderful daddy- he is very lucky. I have to admit, my own husband would go through the roof.

I do think you should take him to a psychologist to see what is going on. He did lose his mom at a very delicate age and that may be part of what is going on now- missing mommy.

As well, he could be gay- and you may want to open yourself to this idea if you have not already. Personally, I would welcome my son/daughter with open arms, but my husband would not. We have already discussed this matter.

It angers me to see when such a serious question is posted- all the ridiculous and hateful comments that befall it. So, I apologize to you on behalf of them.

Good luck- and I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 10

He is only 7. Let him dress like a girl, but do set limits that he can't wear the clothes to school. It is more then likely a phase he is going through, he probably idolizes his sister.

I wouldn't rush him off to a psychologist right away. That is ridiculous and will confuse him more then it will help.