Was I taught wrong?

Question

When I was in foster care, my former foster mom used to tell me as a kid that when there's a situation between an adult & a child, the ADULT is always right. Now that I'm an adult, she & also other people say that the KID is always right because I stoop to the child's level. Well, hmm...when I was a kid, PLENTY of adults used to argue back with me word for word & get on my level. & I was taught as a kid that I should never talk back to or be disrespectful to adults. Now that I'm an adult, there are so many kids who disrespect me.

Also, my foster mom taught me as a kid that when I'm accused of something, I should NEVER say an adult is lying. Now that I'm an adult, kids do bad things & she gives them the OK to say I was lying, when I know I wasn't lying about a situation.

It's like I can NEVER win! I'm never right. I'm always wrong.

I'll be 24 yrs. old next week.

Answer 1

Honey, my own blood mother did and said those very same things to me...I was ALWAYS wrong! I think it was just her way of ALWAYS being right! I was in foster care for a short while as a kid, but I was lucky...they were very good to me! My mother on the other hand...when she got me back, was physically, mentally & emotionally abusive! Mostly the last 2 though & that was even worse to me than the physical abuse ever was! We never got along and I was out of there at 18. I have tried several times to trust her and get along with her since then...never with favorable results. We have not spoken (other than a few words) in about 12 or 13 years because that is the only way I can keep myself intact...everytime I see her I can tell she hasn't changed! It is a very hard thing to cut someone you love so much completely out of your life & I am not suggesting that for you...but I had to! It's a sad situation to be in, but you do not deserve to be treated that way either! You have to take care of YOU now...you are a good person that deserves to be loved and treated with respect...because you are worth it babe! If nothing else...always believe that! =D

Answer 2

Sounds to me like your foster mom was giving you the short end of the stick to get you to behave.

In a situation where there is adult vs. kid, I will say that generally the adult is USUALLY right. I'm a teenager, this is my point of view, so I'm not a parent. I don't think you were taught wrong, just...not completely right. You should judge who is "right" in the situation for yourself, and not regard what others tells you to make of the situation. If you're questioning it already, then you must have a problem with it.

I think the second thing goes back to kids should have never-ending respect for adults thing, which has been thrown completely out the window and trampled on. I believe that kids should respect adults, but if an adult was lying to me, I would tell them so. It might be less respectful, but whatever, it makes things simpler later.

If you're only twenty-four, chances are not many people are going to respect you. Sorry. It's like you're at an impasse where those younger than you don't respect you because you're not old enough and those older don't give you enough credit because you're too young. If it's any consolation at all (which it most probably isn't), I would respect you unless you gave me a reason not to.

Answer 3

That was wrong for her to teach you that all though I strictly think that she meant when you are in a situation that the child is going to get hurt or the adult is the wiser one that is the only time that she is right. Otherwise you are telling the child that no matter what the adult is always right which is wrong thing to teach. Take fo instance if the child was to see the adult doing drugs and the adult was to say come on try them. The child that was taught that the adult is always right would think well it is an adult so they must be right. When this is taught the adult should also be very careful to let the child know which adults he/she is referring to.

Answer 4

I think your foster mom just spouted off whatever she wanted to that backed up her point at the time. She does not really sound like a very nice person (I am sorry if I guessed wrong) and my guess would be she will say anything to be right. Some people like to demean others by telling them that they are always wrong. I think your F - mom may be one of those people.

I do think kids now could be more respectful to everyone; that includes adults, their peers and younger kids. Apparently they aren't being taught anything about manners.

Answer 5

maybe this is all because of the foster thing...i guess..maybe your foster mom alwayz wanted to lower you down like when you were right she would make you wrong and when others do the same thing she wudn't say anething.....your are going to be 24yrs old maybe you should let go off what happend in the past and shape up your present and make your future the way you want it,,dont listen to anyone....it is not alwayz necessary that an adult is alwayz right or a child is right both can be right or wrong at times so there is no argument in that....live your life your way don't let other people let you down..don't listen to them any more...Hell with them......

Answer 6

Honey,I'm 41 and will never win an arguement with my mom. It doesn't matter,you never will either,give up trying,will drive yourself insane trying.I had a child that was molested by someone close to me,what would've happened if I told her she was lying and didn't believe her? That's SO wrong. Adults,like children both lie. I am teaching MY child NOT to lie,there's really NO reason anyone should lie,period. Unless it was a matter of life or death,no other reason.

Answer 7

first
i dont want to say your former foster mom was wrong.
you are already an adult so you need to think about these things by your self.
kids must to listen to adult. its ok.
but adult must think about your self. what you are saying and doing are right or not.
if you need help you can talk to professionals.
i think you need counseling.
this is not about win or lost.
im mother of 3 kids. i know im not perfect mom. but i also know im getting good every day. this is most important thing.
you can leave there now rignt? you find single apartment and job. you can go comunity colledge or something like that.
you better change your circumstance.

Answer 8

TIME TO MOVE ON. You are an adult and unless these kids are your own, there is no reason they can disrespect u. U need to leave ur foster mom and grow up. I don t mean that to sound offensive. What u need is more self confidence. U need to move out and build up ur confindence in yourself so that when u have ur own children u will not wonder if the children can disrespect u or not. U are the adult, live up to the name.

Answer 9

Hon, you are an adult and NO child should talk back to you. Your foster mom is sending mixed signals and this is not right. You take a stand and do not let anyone disrespect you....that includes your foster mom. But do it nicely if you have to confront her about it.

Answer 10

I totally understand! I was taught the same way! Also to never call an adult by their first name! When I was in high school I had a teacher who told us to go by his first name! I always got in trouble if I referred to him as Tyler in front of my dad!
But kids are different now! They don't respect adults! Because parents don't teach their kids to do that! But I'll still teach my kids to be that way! I mean it's horrible more people don't!
Have you heard the saying don't yell at kids they have guns now! I see and hear it a lot! And people think it's funny but it's pretty much true!