give in to bridesmaid or be a bridezilla?

Question

My fiance's sister will be a bridesmaid in our wedding. I've decided on a pale pink, green and ivory color theme. (inspired by pink tulip, green viburnum and ivory rose bouquet) My close friend, also a bridesmaid, has vetoed pink as a bridesmaid dress color, and I'm sympathetic to that. Pink is a tricky color. Not all women are pink kind of women. Green seems pretty innocuous though; I'm not talking candy apple or easter egg green, more of a muted, sophisticated one. Fiance recently conveys to me that his sister cannot stand the thought of a green dress, never wears green, would look awful etc.-the last part isn't true, well, except in her own head, she's a very pretty young woman with black hair and a nice tan in all seasons. We're not close (she's nearly ten years younger) and she hasn't brought this up with me herself. So, what do you think. Do I give in to her and re-arrange the color theme I've enamored with (found but not purchased flowers, coordinating invites etc.) or not?

Answer 1

You could just find the dress available in multiple colors. Put the close friend in green, his sister in pink or cream and so on and so on. They don't have to be in identical outfits and it might solve your issue without making you alter your color scheme.

Answer 2

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE TO SUIT HER TASTES!
You are not being a bridezilla by choosing your own colors for your own wedding and sticking to them.

Here's what you do. Pick out the dresses with the close friend whose judgement you trust.

Then, go to the sister and say this,
"I've chosen the bridesmaid dress, and it is green after all. I just love it! It's exactly what I've been dreaming of! John mentioned you don't like green though, so if you really feel strongly enough about it to not want to be a bridesmaid, I will understand. Maybe you could do the guest book instead?"

This lets her know several important things:
1. You have wanted this color scheme for awhile & love it.
2. You will not be moved on this issue no matter how she whines.
3. You are willing to let her participate in another way and you are not angry about her not being a bridesmaid.

You can never please everyone! She will either do it or not.
After getting her answer, move on to other plans and don't let her dampen your wedding spirits!

Answer 3

If you're not close to her, why is she a bridesmaid? I didn't have my husband's sisters as bridesmaids when I got married, I barely knew them at the time. You're not required to have her, unless you've already asked her, then you're stuck.

I'd say leave your color scheme alone, if you've already done enough work that it's set, then it's set. Everyone has bridesmaids dresses sitting in their closet that they wore once, and will never again in their lives wear again, it's part of it. Also, if she can't be man enough (pardon the expression) to come to you HERSELF and tell you she doesn't like the color, then I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to accommodate her.

And there's a way to handle this with her without being a bridezilla. Actually, there's a couple of ways. You can let your bridesmaids choose either a pink or green dress, so that they're wearing the same dress, just in different colors. Or, you can show them the color swatches, and have them pick out any dress, just as long as it's one of the 2 colors. Make sure you place all orders at the same time to get the same color lot. Wedding parties are totally getting away from the matchy-matchy bridesmaid look, and I personally think it's high time. Not everyone looks their best in the same thing.

You can also politely tell her to simply wait until she sees the dress on--many times people think they look horrible in something, until they physically try it on. Sure, wearing a green color may be a little outside of her comfort zone, but she may find a new favorite color! If this fails, then politely remind her that it is your wedding, and you're making the decisions, and have already made decisions based on a color scheme. Politely tell her if she doesn't like it, she can not be in the bridal party, and wear whatever color she would like. Also, your finance should back you up on this, not take his sister's side. If he does, that's a HUGE red flag for you.

Good luck!

Answer 4

One thing I did for my wedding was have the bridesmaids wear different colors. My maid of honor wore a lilac gown to match the color beading on my dress. My other bridesmaids wore different shades of blue. I made sure that they all looked good together.
Since you have pink, green, and ivory, why not allow your bridesmaids to choose the color they want out of those 3? You approve the dress and the look. I would not recommend being a bridezilla and forcing anyone to wear something they aren't comfortable in. It would show in pictures that you will see years after. Don't you want to have happier memories? I'm very happy with what I did and I love the look in the pictures with the 3 different bridesmaids looks.

Answer 5

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Isn't the bride supposed to be the most gorgeous person at the wedding? That is the whole idea. I just went to the wedding of a friend and she was lovely. Please keep your colors! It's YOUR dream day as it is for most women since they were little girls. It is a nice choice of colors by the way. I made style accomodations for my maid of honor whose slight pear shape didn't look good in the exact style I wanted but I liked the dress she spotted even better with ruching around the bust and it was a little more modest. It is an honor to be asked to be a part of someones wedding, even if you wear a hideous strawberry shortcake dress or have to make drastic alterations to get it to fit. If you don't get to have your colors, you will have started off on a bad foot having the grooms family dictate your life. I would discuss it more with your fiance and say that it is very important to you and that the bridesmaids are supposed to be supportive of you, not the other way around. Best wishes and I hope your wedding is everything you dreamed it would be.

Answer 6

It is YOUR wedding and not theirs. Remember that. They should respect your wishes. If I were you I would not re-arrange the color theme. I don't think you will be a bridezilla by doing that. I agree that green will look better than pink. If you really want to make everybody happy then the only person who won't be happy is YOU. How about if put green and pink together. More in green and a bit of pink.

Answer 7

First of all, I love your wedding colors because I chose the same ones! Anyway for your bridesmaid, if you were sensitive about one bridesmaid and her dislike for wearing pink, then you should be just as sensitive to the other bridesmaid that doesn't want to wear green. You can still have your colors, but maybe add another one in that would look nice, like lavender, or blue, or a second shade of pink, or something like that. If you don't want to add another color then if your close friend is the matron of honor then maybe have her in green and the other bridesmaids in pink. Or have a combination. It's your wedding so ultimately it is your decision, but I think if you gave the choice to one bridesmaid to opt out of pink, then you should give the choice to this bridesmaid to opt out of green. Green sometimes is a tricky color too, even though it's more universal than pink, depending on the shade some girls don't look good in green. Also you want your bridesmaids to feel comfortable and even if she didn't aproach you directly she probably feels better aproaching her brother because she doesn't want to upset you but for some reason she doesn't like green and I don't think you should force her into wearing green if she has to pay for the dress. If you decide to pay for her dress then she can wear whatever color you want. Just my opinion but I hope it helps and best of luck!

Answer 8

You can state that you want your bridesmaids to wear green (sage is a good one...) without having to resort to becoming bridezilla. It's your wedding and you have a right to have it your way and if your future SIL doesn't like it, she can certainly step aside and not be a bridesmaid. You sound pretty fair and I give you credit for not forcing your girls to wear pink. That being said, if green is what you want, just say so and politely imply that if anyone should disagree, you would be more than happy to find something else for them to do at the wedding (do a reading, hand out programs, whatever.)

Answer 9

You are not going to be able to make everyone happy all of the time. Once she tries some green dresses on she might change her mind anyway. Just be considerate of her when making the final decision. Maybe start asking for her opinion every chance you get so that she has a chance to give her 2 cents. That way no one can claim you are a bridezilla, you asked and she will tell you if she has a major problem.

Answer 10

I think you should stay with your first choice. When I was about 16 my brother fiance choose the most awful dress ever it was like a red-purple dress short but with a long skirt open in the front attached. I hated the dress and the color, but I wear anyway because she was the bride and if she likes it why I am going to ruin her day saying something like I hate the dress I can't wear it. I think that would be selfish. Is your day she should use the dress and if she hate it so much she can change her clothe after the ceremony.

Answer 11

don't change your color scheme for other people!
I think it might be nice if you had some girls in pink and some girls in green so you have both colors up there.
if you don't want both colors then you could get the girls together and have a vote, if most people descide on green the other girl should understand that this is what the majority picked and be ok with it. don't give in to her but don't be a bridezilla, just make it look like they choose the color of the dresses so noone gets blamed for having to wear whatever color. win-win don't ya think?!