I am a single mom of 2.Last Christmas my brother once again made many belittling jokes at my expense non stop, which once again made me feel embarrased and not adequate.He wrestled with my kids and would not stop (once again) when I said 'no'. This time my older child said 'stop' and he didn't and she ended up biting her lip and getting hurt and crying.I had it. I told him that he needs to respect us and that I feel bullied as he makes himself superior and me less.It makes me feel bad. He did not apologize, instead he became very agressive verbally and said things like 'I have issues and he talked to the other family and they didnt' think I was bullied.I will grow old and bitter alone, if I can't get over my issues, etc' He was swearing and yelling at me.I believe that my dad and his wife took his side.Because my dad joined in when they were making fun of my ex boyfriends being overweight.And arguing with me, trying to get me to circumsize my son. Was I bullied, or do I have issues?
2007-08-18 07:03:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your brother was clearly wrong not to listen when your child told him to stop. Your father and his new girlfriend were even more wrong not to realize that you should have the authority to tell others to stop when your child(ren) say(s) stop. As to whatever boyfriend(s) you have (had), it's not up to your family to approve or veto your choices nor should they beat you over the head about past choices, so they should just shut up if they don't like it. As to the issue of circumcising your son or not, I do not know the pros and cons, but, again, that's your call.
2007-08-18 12:43:06 · answer #1 · answered by Theodore H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must be spark before a fire could start. Jokes are meant for a laugh. If you can't laugh at his jokes, tell him that it wasn't funny. Do not use other method to relate your message that you don't like his kind of jokes (eg. stop him from playing with your kids).
Your elder daugther's behaviour was motivated by your action. She would have been happy if you were happy. Likewise she would have been respectful towards the uncle if you had...and you would have been respectful towards your brother if he had respected you more. So you see, its a whole chain of event that begets another. Whats more important is that your elder daughter should learn to respect her uncle irregardless of whatever dispute the adults are getting into. Otherwise the disrespectful personality will become her character as she grows up and it could one day be used inappropriately upon you.
2007-08-18 14:19:49 · answer #2 · answered by pattan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, for sure, no one should be talking down to you or about you..for your own self esteem, and more importantly, in front of your kids!!! They should not be hearing that stuff about their mom. Kids don't understand and will start to believe what is said, and slowly start losing respect for you and start treating you the same way as they do.
Family is a place that you should be able to go back to, whenever you need to. Not a place where they throw all your misgivings or mistakes in your face and disrespect you! Everyone makes mistakes, and thats how we learn! I'm sure if you dig , you can find some about your brother. I think you need to talk to your Dad and tell him, if this verbal and mental abuse,( because thats what it is), continues with your brother or any of them, you have no choice but for you and your kids not to come around anymore. And its his choice.
2007-08-18 14:15:50 · answer #3 · answered by Stacy E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You, sweetheart, were being bullied soundly by your whole family, and they are the ones with issues, not you. I know it is difficult to arrange being a single mom, but if you can find away to join a support group and attend meetings, try to find a join that deals with self esteem and assertion (standing up for yourself). I hope you live in a large city because that makes it easier to find. Start by calling women's shelters and women's groups; they can probably direct you. You need to practice dealing with this sort of people as your family, and these groups can help you do that. In the meantime, tell your family, one at a time, and over the phone if you want to, that you will not accept their input, critique, and advice into your life anymore, and they are welcome around you and your children only if they can respect your authority in your own home, and treat you and the children with respect. Expect a lot of ruffled feathers, a lot of posturing and pouting, probably a lot of cursing, and of course, more attempts to bully. (That's where the support groups come in) Best of luck to you, dear....unfortunately, we can't chose our families, but they don't own us and even they can't treat us any old way. But, issues? You? No.
2007-08-18 14:20:55 · answer #4 · answered by claudiacake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family's behavior bothers you and your children. You've made that clear to them and they're not respecting you. So, I say that THEY have issues. Which isn't to say that you don't have issues too.
If their behavior bothers you, don't go over there.
And it sounds as if you might benefit from being able to talk this out with someone, a counselor, a pastor or just a friend who's a really good listener. Why should you "grow old and bitter alone"?
2007-08-18 14:09:39 · answer #5 · answered by vita64 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, the age-old family problems. Believe me, you are not alone. I admire your telling your brother that he needs to respect you. That was bold. But, if I said it to my family member, I would be further laughed at. Family can hurt your feelings like no one else can. Do you really need them?
Take a break. Stay away from them for awhile until they learn how to treat you. If you're not there, they'd find someone else to pick on (each other). Smile.
2007-08-18 14:19:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Furthest from it...you do NOT have "issues" when you are being assaulted and do not enjoy it. I hope you're able to figure this out pretty quick so you can extricate these a**holes from your life without thinking that you are obligated to be a doormat.
Be well and get rid of them...quickly! Otherwise, your kids will see you as weak and self-hating... and think that this is a good way to be...maybe...
2007-08-18 14:27:59 · answer #7 · answered by westgaliberty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your brother and Dad are the ones with issues. It's bad enough to deal with ridicule and verbal abuse from strangers, you shouldn't have to deal with it from family memebers. I'm glad you stood up for yourself...your brother is a BULLY.
2007-08-18 14:09:39 · answer #8 · answered by midnightexpressions 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were bullied. You are not getting respect in your own home. Been there. You need to set the rules upfront. If you rkids do not like the way he plays, have them tell him also.
2007-08-18 14:08:39 · answer #9 · answered by Bill P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes they were out of line and say NO TO CIRCUMCISION thats his decision after age 18...dont go there so much...i wouldnt
2007-08-18 14:08:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋