what's wrong in asking a daughter (13 y.o.) to keep her long hair,neat/brushed/tied,etc, and not a MESS ?

Question

I mean bangs not tooo long ,the hair neatly combed and brushed, at least a ponytail ( or 2) or French braids, couple of bobby pins and maybe a headband ! Is it too much to ask ?? :-((((((

Answer 1

Well, assuming that the daughter you're talking about is yours, I think it's that she's going through a teenage-angst type of phase when she just wants to do her own thing. The last thing she wants is her parent going against her or yelling at her. Since I can understand that, I'm going to tell you that I think it's best if you just left her alone. As long as she washes it every day (or every other day), it's fine. If she doesn't, say casually one day, "____ (Your daughter's name), I know you don't care much about your hair (or, "I know you like your hair that way"), but I think it'd be best if you at least washed it every day."

Good luck! Hope all works out....

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong in expecting your daughter to keep her hair out of her face and under control.

Firstly, I'd take her to the salon and have them treat her hair with conditioners to help it behave, and trim the ends (if she doesn't want a makeover and a new style). It may not be her fault her hair is crazy, if her hair is curly, or resistant to styling.

Then I'd have the stylist show her several different easy ways to fix her hair so that it looks cute, trendy, so she can do it herself (you'll have to pay extra for this). Buy the products your daughter feels she will use, like gel or mousse or fixative.

Does she know how to french braid her own hair? That's a pretty rough skill to learn.

I require my kids to keep their hair out of their eyes. They have 3 shots at making sure their hair is doing what it's supposed to before I take scissors to the long stuff that's in his face. The threat was good enough so that side-swept bangs are gelled and kept to the side.

You can't expect your daughter's hair to be perfect all the time, especially after exercise. But a rat's nest isn't acceptable. Find a spot where you can compromise, and both of you learn to live with that.


TX Mom

Answer 3

Based upon my extensive experience, (i.e. my now 22 yr old defiant daughter and 50 of her closest friends) Being the default hair stylist for all these girls, an entire gymnastics team and a pagent or two....

As a mother I can Identify with you, more than you know. As we all see today, this new generation of kids is nothing like the previous. Its not just hair, its clothes, sex, piercings, tatoo's etc....

Parenting a child in this day and age is more than a challenge. Just about around the age of 12-14 girls that have always conformed to certain styles, etc.....This is the age in which they are desperately searching to explore who they are and who they want to be....Their attitudes and rebellion is a very normal part of this behavior....(You will have her back after she is 18, lol)

I applaud your desire to have your daughter properly groomed but I have learned, as being around so many girls, I was priveledged to the rebellion and why...I too wanted my daughter to keep her hair nice, and she did....and she rebelled in other ways....(drugs and tatoo that aren't visable when she actually has clothes on that cover some her body)....

My 19 yr old son rebelled by piercing first his nose, he eventually removed it, and then by piercing his chin and tongue, again which he later removed once the shock value of it wore off...

Shock value is what your teen is trying to create, everytime you get upset, it simply makes her want to rebel that much more....I have spent enough time volunteering in school, more so than any other mother that I know of and I have heard exactly why they do what they do.....

The hardest lesson I learned is to pick my battles. Self expression is part of growing up and whether we as parents approve or not, if they can't express it one way, they will find another....

This probably not what you wanted to hear, however if the worst thing she is doing is having messy hair, pretend and I mean show absolutely no shock nor pay attention, she will get over it faster. Kids love to shock parents.....I learned to cry in my bedroom at night. If she is doing well in school and a good kid, my best advice would be to let her test her wings...

The more you argue, the worse it gets. Believe me, when she has a date, yes thats coming her own style and personal hygeine will really come into play and if its that bad, her friends will set her straight, I promise you that....

Good luck..........

Answer 4

I guess that depends who's perspective you are asking for. Your daughter will want to do what is popular, and right now it is all about long bangs and shaggy/messy hair. Luckily fads pass quickly, and she may want something different in a few months. Why not look up different hair styles/cuts online, and find one that you can both agree on. Something that is stylish for her, and something that is presentable for you.

I mostly just used hair dye when I was a teen; my Mom hated it, but she indulged me. By the time I hit 20 I had every color of the proverbial rainbow, and even shaved my head. Then I got bored with it all, and now I'm back to dirty blond.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

It sounds like she wants to keep her hair messy right now... maybe it's the style with the other kids in her school? She is a teen now and you know how teens can be with their sense of self expression. She may feel it's too kiddy to have french braids now or a headband. Usually kids will not purposely make themselves look bad - it might look bad to a parent but usually it's the style of the moment. I've always found its best to pick your fights with your kids. I let my children decide on their own hair and clothes - but I put my foot down with other decisions that were more important to me. I think you should let her decide how to wear her hair.

Answer 6

It is not too much to ask but how she wears her hair is up to her. Once she notices that her peers don't have ratty, messy hair she will change her ways. At 13 she knows how to care for her hair - she's just choosing not to. It's not going to matter in 10 years that her hair was a mess at 13! Put your foot down about the important things in life - there are far worse things she could be doing.

Answer 7

i'm 14, and if i may, i'd love to make a suggestion. if she wants to let her bangs grow out, let her. get her some cute hair clips, or let her pick them out, to pin back the bangs out of her eyes. ask her to brush it each morning when she wakes up and before she goes to bed, along with whenever she showers, which should be one of those times, daily. instead of making her look like a 6 year old, with the ponytails, french braids, bobby pins and headbands, let her have her hair down as long as she takes care of it, and let her know as soon as she stops brushing it, it goes right back to ponytails.. some girls such as myself would rather be able to let our hair down

Answer 8

When you find out, please tell me. I have a 16 year old and a 14 year old who won't comb, brush or wash unless you tell them to. It's like they have no idea they have hair!! And as for noticing boys and then taking care of it....LOL!!! That's a laugh. If that works, then they should have done it a long time ago!!!! I have talked to them, I have set up written schedules, I have personally walked them into the bathroom, put a brush in their hands and stood there waiting. It's like their brains have fallen out of their rear ends and they no longer have the capacity to think!!

Answer 9

no there's nothing wrong with asking her to look presentable.
if she has long hair braid so that it stays looking good that wa u dont have to do it all the time. you have the right to think your daughter should keep her hair nice. because first of all when she walks out the house she's representing you.

Answer 10

well its a little much i mean ok yes she needs to comb her hair but it dosent always need to be up
& her bangs are her choice so dont presser her on that.
hairbands are cute
but i have a friend and her hair is always up then the one day i saw it down it was soooooo pretty u really need to see wear your daughter stands on this after all it is her hair