I'm in love with this guy who has been my best friend on and off since the 8th grade....
we starting getting involved only last summer and up until 2 months ago everything was great then he got arrested and since he's already got a lot of problems, DUIs and volation of probation from this last arrest hes going to jail for quit sometime..he is currently out on bond waiting to be sentenced The problem is that the night that he got arrested he called me the next day told me what happend then he has quit calling, hanging out, and talking to me period. What's going on here? Also he's been doing drugs and have lots of little flings with like every women I know. Its like he went wild. Is this normal? He's a man whore druggie now awaiting jail time. But I'm still in love with him..what do I do. Its like he wants nothing to do with me and wont even take the time to give me an reason.
2007-08-18 04:27:18 · 12 answers · asked by Littlemiss Me 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It is always difficult when logic and emotion compete, especially when you are young.
I must start by letting you know that getting involved with someone with so many problems is that there will be a lot of bumps in the future, just as the bump that you are involved in now. However, I will give you that what he needs the most now is support. But not understanding. How so? At his point now (especially if he is using drugs) he does not need an "enabler." He may read too much compassion and "understanding" as approval for what he has done.
I suggest that you keep contact with him. Write him letters, visit him in jail every other week. Find out resources and programs for drug rehabilitation. Don't let him con you or use you. Be mindful of the amount of money he has you put on his books at the jail. Do not attempt to smuggle anything into the jail for him.
You must keep your emotions in check. Dealing with a drug user, even in jail, can be dangerous. You have to keep in mind that sometimes a drug users want for drugs can overpower any other emotion they have.
Good luck.
2007-08-23 21:07:10 · answer #1 · answered by rec4lms 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you're in a really difficult place. Maybe jail will straighten him out, but it could just make everything worse. Only time will tell about that.
About him not calling since he confessed his mistakes to you, either he's afraid of your reactions, embarassed, or off enjoying what little freedom he still has left. Only he knows.
As for what you should do about the situation... find out the answers to the first two parts and then rationally make a decision... this is one time to listen to your head, not your heart. You can't change him... he needs to change himself. If he's able to do that, then you can see where the relationship goes. Despite all the advice you get on here, only you can make that choice.
2007-08-26 05:59:15 · answer #2 · answered by confusedus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's scared and trying to prepare himself for what he has to face being locked up , It sound as if he's going thru a phase, doing drugs to numb the pain of what he's feeling and all the sex with women he can have because he knows once he is sentenced and leaves that part of his life is on hold, I know your friend brought this on himself, but, lighten up on him, he's going through some things and he's processing it the only way he realizes how, if u want to spend time with your friend before he leaves, try to do that and enjoy the little freedom he has left with him. Don't take his actions as something personal toward u because its not, his world has been turned upside down, but, hopefully it will be a productive learning process for him, It will either "make him" or "break him". If u do love him, try to be there for him if he allows u to, in the meantime, take care of yourself and continue to talk to people so u can heal and restore as well, I'm sure it has taken a lot out of you as well to go thru this with him, and, the reason I say "with him" is because when we love someone, what happens to them affects us.
2007-08-26 04:59:54 · answer #3 · answered by yawhaneeh53 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi!
If he quit calling you, maybe he doesn't want to get you involve or he probably thinks that he doesn't deserves you or maybe your relatives told him not to call you anymore, who knows?
The best way to find out what's going on is to visit him and asking him to be sincere and honest with you and then go from there.
I knew a guy with similar attitude and his g/f did everything to help him out but he didn't understand until they split, the problem here is that she had her parents involved and had them help her anytime, so the guy knew this and he was crying for help, so the parents did everything it was on their hands to help her daughter out, WRONG
All I can say is that; you are in control of your live and you will be responsible for your actions and nobody else, whatever you want to do for him, it is up to you. If you love him, please you both deal with the problem, by the way you said your FRIEND, if this were your b/f, does he loves you?
2007-08-26 03:43:18 · answer #4 · answered by Dont_do_that 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the reason is drugs/alcohol. period. you are not qualified to help your friend. getting involved with him at this point..will only destroy you. let him do his time in jail..and hopefully he will get back on track..once his mind is free of drugs and alcohol. some jails have drug programs.. and hopefully he will take advantage of that. sometimes we have to walk away from people we love.... love is not enough ... also he has to want to be drug and alcohol free. please note.. that under the influence of drugs and alcohol.. he is not picking the healthiest women. that should be another concern... social disease.. aids... this stuff is serious... and fatal. you should worry about that even when he is out of jail. he definately needs tested. sometimes the jail does it.. but with financial cuts... he may not have the proper tests. be careful.. or you will be sorry, trust me
2007-08-26 09:40:58 · answer #5 · answered by foosieboy1953 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Al most the prisoner get to be investigation after there period finished I hope your Friend get good adapted their and remembering you and the jail is something normal not means can chaining our behavior and every human have a heart if not with you can be for something else don't lost him please be with him he need you to be honest. The bad jail is society jail.
2007-08-26 07:08:26 · answer #6 · answered by stpone 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from what you have said i would say hes doing you a favor so take it and run with it you are better off without him because if hes been in that much trouble hes bad news so drop it and turn your live around and find someone with a better future to be with.
2007-08-26 10:22:33 · answer #7 · answered by Erssel S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well quite possibly going to jail for so long might make him change his tune...i know it worked for me when i went to jail...also when you know you are doing things you shouldnt and that you feel bad about but cant seem to stop you tend to avoid and push out the ppl you love and care about...he just needs reality check
2007-08-25 21:22:41 · answer #8 · answered by jamie l 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to let it go he made up his mind what he wants to do. You need to make up your mind to accept it and move on. When he gets his self together then you can think about what you want to do but if he loved you he would be trying to spend time with you instead hurting you.I'm not saying forget about him I'm saying love your self enough not to let him continue to hurt you.
2007-08-26 09:50:45 · answer #9 · answered by beautifull103087 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is bad news and he know it. You are attracted to bad guys and you should break this cycle or you will have a life with alot of unnecessary drama.
2007-08-21 08:25:26 · answer #10 · answered by jewelsthomas 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋