I am, and I have found for years now that churches (in general) are not welcoming to us. What do I mean by this? We are excluded instead of included, we are not approached to lead Bible studies and the like, etc., etc. especially if we are intelligent and attractive.
I also have found an attitude with married women of the church that is less than Christ-like towards single women. I wonder if they are jealous that we have our freedom? Feel "threatened" by our intelligence and attractive appearance? Perhaps they are in bad marriages? Or maybe they project onto us some negative idea that reflects their own sordid past of sexual sin?
I feel it is growing much worse and am totally fed up with it. Does that mean I will not go to church, no, I will continue to press on and stand my ground because I know God is not happy with this treatment of us and has encouraged me to "buck this system" of Satan.
What has been your experience?
2007-08-18 03:57:45 · 5 answers · asked by MadforMAC 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
SERIOUS ANSWERS FROM WOMEN ONLY!!!!
2007-08-18 04:25:16 · update #1
I'm also a single Christian female over the age of 40 and I have experienced some of what you mentioned....in churches and outside of churches. By single do you mean divorced or never married...or can we band together under the common banner of "single"? I was married for a short time in my 20s (I call it the year of insanity but the judge wouldn't accept my plea to that effect *smile*). My current church HAS given me several "leadership" responsibilities including a small group bible study for single women...but I have noticed that the church doesn't always make single women feel comfortable or welcome (e.g., doing whole sermon series' on marriage and forgetting to mention anything that might be relevant to single folks...males AND females).
As for the attitude you mentioned, I've seen it inside and outside of churches and I think some of your reasons are correct...some married women (unhappy ones usually) are envious of our freedom while others may be painting us with a "sinful brush" based on their own "sinful past"...they can't understand that how any woman could choose to live a celibate lifestyle and if we aren't celibate, then we are committing a sin that they aren't committing. Lots of Christians make the mistake of looking down on others for their sins, real and perceived.
...but I think there are many other possible explanations too...and some of them apply to single men as well.
I know I've been guilty of assuming that any attractive, intelligent single man over the age of 40, "must have something wrong with him" or some woman would have snapped him up long ago! I know that isn't true for everyone but it is true for some of them. In this arena, your looks and intelligence will magnify the problem. Picture this...a 40-something woman with two graduate degrees who is nearly six feet tall, 145 pounds, long blonde hair, and earns six figures...what would you think if you learned she was still single?...is she a lesbian, is she a man-hater, is she a control-freak? I've heard all of these and more from people who can't understand why I'm single!
In addition, attractive, intelligent women (and men) can easily be perceived as a threat, especially to someone that has self-confidence problems. I know I've experienced this at work when a male colleague's wife was uncomfortable with the idea of me working with her husband on a project that involved us spending time alone together (e.g., writing a research report or paper).
...and then there's that pesky little "war" between women who choose to have a career and those that choose to stay home and care for their husband and children. I've seen the negative impact of that one from both sides. My mom was a stay at home mom and she was sometimes ridiculed and treated like she was less intelligent or talented because she chose to stay at home. I've also seen and heard stay at home moms ridicule and look down on women that put their career ahead of family. Perhaps they think that a single attractive woman in her 40s made the same decision and, as such, looks down on them the same way career moms sometimes do?...a defensive reaction!
Finally, like it or not, as a single "40-something" woman you and I are a minority in churches (and many other places...I'm the only single women out of 10 female professors in my college). Some of the isolation you (and I) feel is a simple result of marketing. When the pastor is giving a sermon, he knows that most of the audience are married so he tailors much of his advice to married people. The people that plan activities like bible studies focus on offering things that appeal to couples and famlies...this isn't discrimination, it is simply good target marketing.
Perhaps it might help if you keep reminding yourself that people who treat others badly are usually doing so because they are hurting, uncertain or afraid. Don't let them interfere with your relationship with God...just do what Jesus commanded...pray for them. ...and don't stop trying to change things...just do it from a perspective of love instead of a perspective of warfare. I don't think you are dealing with a "system of Satan"...you are dealing with people with all the normal concerns and failings that come from being human! Respond in love and God will work through that...respond in anger and you're on your own!
2007-08-18 05:13:22 · answer #1 · answered by KAL 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
single woman christian 40
2016-02-02 16:01:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because all of the good men are married. Also for many, children interfere with a person being able to find a single man. And then most Godly men are going to get married so that they can have sex inside of marriage, as God commands. Of the few left, there's some reason they're not married, it could be because of a bad childhood, lacks commitment...
2016-03-17 01:52:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that some churches are not welcoming to single Christian women over 40. However, there is bound to be a church somewhere that is. Find it!
2007-08-18 04:17:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as if you need to have a private talk with the pastor of your church and let him know your concerns.
2007-08-18 04:10:56 · answer #5 · answered by Devoted1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
uh yeah, god doesnt exist and if he/she did they would be very surprised that you have such a keen understanding of how he/she thinks.
The church is a mechanism of separation that likes to categorize people. People cannot be categorized like brands of chocolate however. That is just one more thing adding to the absurdity of your institution, which you need to abandon by the way
2007-08-18 04:08:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋