How do I cope with grieve?

Question

I lost the man I loved suddenly and unexpectedly in January 2007. My heart is breaking and I feel so sad and lonely without him. I just don't know how to cope with all the mixed emotions I am going through. I seem to have good and bad days, and the bad days, like today, are unbearable. My family are supporting me, but they just don't know what to say to me to make things better.

Can anyone suggest anything to help me get through this?

Answer 1

I lost my girlfriend due to a hit and run in Toronto, she survived that but lost one of her legs... had a call from her father on the 23rd december 2005 to say that she was found dead in the bathroom after taking sleeping tablets. I was mortified to say the least. Being in the UK and little money, i couldnt get there for the funeral. To this day i am struggling to cope with the loss, we had big plans for a future together. I find that keeping myself busy with either work or a hobby helps keep the mind occupied. Xmas will never be the same for me for obvious reasons, i have learnt to put on a brave face most the time but like you... i do have my off days when i start to think about her.

The only thing i can suggest is to take each day as it comes, keep busy, if it helps... talk to someone either a caring friend or relative. Dont seek help from a doctor as they didnt help me much, one said i should just get over it!...

Emotions are hard to cope with after losing someone. I am still a mixed bag of emotions... on a bad day i can snap at the slightest thing, or busrt into tears. On a good day i am quite cheerful but the slightest thing said wrong to me can turn my mood on its head.

Coping will become easier to deal with i promise, its only been a few months since you lost your man. I know exactly what you are going through at this early stage, it can take years to get over the loss, some people never get over it.

If you are strong mentally then it will get easier as time goes by. You also have to think... well he wouldnt want to see me like this all sad and lonely.

Talk to a member of your family preferably your parents if possible, tell them exactly what you are going through and how you are not managing to cope. They wont laugh at you thats for sure.

Sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and i am sure you will be just fine.

Answer 2

If there's one thing i know to be true its don't pretend that you're OK. That way you'd be fighting a losing battle. The only real way you can cope with grief is sometimes just for one day to let it take hold and face it. Take a few steps:
1 - Cry
2 - Breathe
3 - Think only of the good times and imagine that he's happy where he is and possibly thinking of you.
4 - Never regret anything

Grief is the most difficult thing we as humans can overcome but it can be done. My personal way of dealing with grief or anger is to switch on My Chemical Romance and sing along and let a few tears fall. Don't be afraid to cry and maybe try my method if you think it might work. Sometimes going into the dark can help us go back to the light and help us move on.

And don't forget you're never alone when it comes to grief. Maybe talk to someone you know who has lost someone too. The feeling that they know what you're going through could help you move on too.

I hope this helps and all my support and best wishes
Kirsten J xxx

Answer 3

i ought to tell you the psychologically stages of grief etc you could google that. What you could't google is somebody telling you your doing comfortable with how your coping precise now. i think that's what your searching for an confirmation to assert confident your doing ok your interior the final place. i won't provide you this with in simple terms the coaching right here. i could not have gotton by way of what I went by way of without God. to not say that there arn't issues and teniques like respiratory and visualization etc that can take care of the physcal symptoms of melancholy and stress yet truthfully everyone deals with them so in yet differently. have you ever examine the tale of Corrie Ten growth? A holocaust survivor with an excellent attitude... then you quite can bypass to the obituaries... a 18 12 months previous with each thing commits sucide. Why does this happen? i think of that's the kind you % to view issues. some cope properly some do not. The adapters stay to tell the tale. i admire additionally the quote from the Shawshank redemption..." Get busy residing or get busy death" the base line is in the experience that your mom became alive now staring at you she might want you to stay existence to the fullest and revel in it so which you honour her by skill of doing so. I talk this the two as a daughter and a mom.

Answer 4

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Time is the great healer and that's what it takes to ease the pain. When my dad died I cried for 5 years because I didn't know how to get past the grief. I think the best thing you can do is learn about the different stages of grief and be aware that this will eventually pass, although your sadness may always remain.

Answer 5

Hi Hun,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss - I can't imagine the pain you going through - I lost my little son in 2004 and that pain was unbearable too.

We all handle grief differently so don't feel the way you going about your grief is wrong.

I would suggest some form of counselling - nothing to be ashamed off - it can help to release all this onto someone else who is an outsider and whom will listen to you.

Also have you thought about maybe writing a letter to this guy and putting down all your feelings and goodbyes - putting down all you have wanted to say and going to a beach and putting in sea can be a huge help or attaching a small message to a balloon and letting it go can help.

Thinking of you and remember there is no time scale to grief but the days will become a little clearer and easier I promise.

Lx

Answer 6

Unfortunately there's not a lot that can help you get over this any quicker than you feel you can but the key is to take one day at a time and just try and remember the good times you shared together and try not to dwell on the times things weren't that good. My g/f lost her dad just nearly 3 weeks ago and she said she was happy because he wasn't suffering anymore(he battled with bowel cancer for 18months) she still gets days where shes a little down but then she thinks of how he would have wanted her to be happy not sad and that helps her. We both remember how he used to make us laugh and that he was happy to see his grandchildren before he died. We'll never get over his death but we'll learn to live with the pain and one day it wont seem so painless it'll seem happy that you had the joy of meeting this person and making each other happy and you'll come to know how to get through the days.You'll never forget him,certain things will make you think of him but we cant stop that bit but when you hear a certain song or watch a certain film you can think that song made him happy,that film was his favourite and so on.
I wish you all the best.

Answer 7

I strongly suggest you seek out grief counseling. It will help you to move through the stages of grief and not get stuck and lend more support. Many years ago, a book was written about grief that is what many counselors use, check out Kubler-Ross's works in the library on grief, death and dying.

In order to get to a better place, we need to go through the pain and feel it. Believe it or not, the tears really help you, so don't hold back. Remember the good times, forget the sad. We all will be with our loved ones in heaven someday, God promises that in the Bible. Ask for His help, He also promises to heal broken hearts. Take care, I will pray for you.

Answer 8

We all deal with grief in our own way, you have my sympathy, time does ease the pain, making the sorrow more bearable, words at this stage bring little comfort, when you have your bad days, remember the good days, for the good days will come back of that you can be sure, all things come to pass, I am getting emotional writing this ,for I too am grieving, but I know it will ease, and that gives me comfort, life goes on, and we grow stronger. Many Blessings.

Answer 9

I am sorry for your loss of your loved one.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross presented a "stages of grieving" that my healthcare students have always been taught. This can occur in response to anticipated losses or actual losses.
Looking at this model may help you.

1. Denial. "This didn't happen." "It isn't true."
2. Anger. "Why did this happen to us? Why not someone else?"
3. Bargaining. "Just let me/him/her live until Christmas." "Just bring him/her back for a few minutes; I promise..."
4. Depression. "I'm going to give up. Life isn't worth it."
5. Acceptance. "I'm going to be OK."

Another model of grieving includes:
1. Shock. "It didn't happen."
2. Emotional release. Crying, not sleeping, hurting badly.
3. Panic. "Fight or flight" symptoms. Forgetting things, wandering around, physical symptoms of panic.
4. Guilt. "I didn't do enough for him/her."
5. Hostility. Anger at physicians. Anger at others who seem to have a good life.
6. Inability to resume daily life. Cannot concentrate on day-to-day normal activities. This is normal!
7. Reconciliation. Slow, daily healing. There is no acceptable timeframe for this! Everyone is different.
8. Hope. Although still hurting, you move forward into the future.

These stages may not proceed in order. Some people don't go through all the stages. Some people alternate between stages. Some people never achieve the final stages, or they may achieve them years or even decades after their loss.

Everyone's grief is different. You are only eight months into your grief, and my heart goes out to you. If someone is grieving, you don't have to say anything to them--in fact, speaking to them may invoke hostility or anger. Simply say, "I'm going to sit with you for a few minutes. Let me know if you need me" and sit there. You may want to tell your family, "Just sit quietly with me for a few minutes."

You may feel hostile and angry toward your family, friends, and coworkers. Don't feel guilty about negative feelings; they are part of grieving.

If you have thoughts of harming yourself, or decide you do not want to live without your loved one, call Information and ask for a suicide hotline. It may be easier to talk to someone you don't know personally.

Answer 10

Grief is different for each person. Allow yourself up and down days. You can expect that eventually you will enjoy life again. don't close yourself off to this possibility. Sometimes it seems as if some people feel they aren't entitled to happiness because of the death. So make sure you don't assume that you can't ever be happy because of this tragedy.