im supposed to be moving to alabama in the spring , my hubby want to be near his mom who is in remission she is 56 yrs old his family is so excited we are moving, and my mom is 72 yrs old and was just diagnosed with early alzheimers disease, and i dont want to leave my mom, i need to take care of her and my hubby says i have other siblings to care for her, she needs us around her before she gets worse and i dont want to come back and visit and she doesnt know who i am , what do i do ? i told his family about my mom, and they show no concern for me or my mom, they just keep asking when are we moving there, i feel my mom's condition is a bit more important than my hubbys mom her disease is progressive, and i dont want to disapoint my hubby, he is looking foward to moving and i cant leave my mom..
2007-08-18 03:15:37 · 5 answers · asked by amy j 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am sorry for both of you , that your mothers are ill. I am also sorry that you have been put in the middle of which way to go. You need to have a very serious talk with your husband and you two need to work out something. You need to explain to him why it is important for you to be near your mom. It does not matter that she has other family around her, just like he has other family to take care of his mom. It is what each of you need to do, to cherish moments with your moms. Maybe he could go home each weekend to be with his mom, or vise versa. Or maybe move half way, so you are both near your parents.. I wish you both luck and I pray your moms will get better.. Let them know you love them.
2007-08-18 03:27:04 · answer #1 · answered by lynda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Bible says that when you are wed, you cleave to each other. Your spouse becomes more important than your parents. I feel bad for both of you. Your mom was diagnosed with something that could eventually be devestating. Your mother in law is in remission from something that could eventually kill her.
You left out a lot of determining factors. What is the job situation? How long have you lived by your family? How long has he been away from his? Does his mother have any other family? Do you have children? How far away are you moving?
If your husband has a job, and your life style will improve, it would be a "pro." If there is no job and you're moving in with your in-laws, it would be a "con." If you have children, their attitude will feed off of your attitude.
Also, you say your in-laws seem to disregard your feeling about your mom. Don't take that personally. If his mom just went through chemo/radiation, she is probably just grateful for life. It's not that they have no concern for you or your mom, it's just that they are so thankful to have their son back in their life.If you stay where you are, your mom may forget you. It's a cruel, harsh reality of alzheimers. If you leave, your mom may not get worse for a long time.
Your attitude is the determining factor in this move. You sound completely against it. How did you get to this situation? Surely, you didn't tell your husband that you were all for the move, and then, now, change your mind after he is all excited? Or did you tell your husband that you didn't want to move, but he wants to move anyway?
Good luck.
2007-08-18 04:32:29 · answer #2 · answered by justanotherone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel its your job to take care of your mother, then why can't you take her with you?
Both of these women can live for years with their conditions, and his mother is very young. I'm not sure why you are moving to be close to her.
Right now you need to get counseling to help you deal with your feelings about your mothers condition. There are also many support groups that help you, they have been there before you.
2007-08-18 03:51:29 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who's in better health? stay with the one who's not in so good standing, sounds like your mother. if your husband won't agree, then you two need to talk it out. unless his mom goes out of remission, i think you two need to stay with your mom. her memory will begin to fade, and she is also older. you need to spend as much time as possible with her. it sounds like he has a lot of family in AL anyway, to be around his mom. maybe a vacation instead of moving there?
2007-08-18 03:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try seeing if you can join your husband a few months later. Go to visit him instead of visiting her.
2007-08-18 03:22:07 · answer #5 · answered by alicia 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋