Under the shadow of sibling...please help if you went throught the same thing?

Question

(Love you so much if you manage to read it all)
I don't talk much to my family.And I love having few real friends to hang out with.The problem is,I'm overshadowed by my brother who's popular,in school,in my family,everywhere.My mum,dad talks about him all the time,ask me about him every day and his friends do this too.I'm not close with him and my family always compare me to him.And they even said that I'm a loner in front of everyone,everybody.I'm starting to hate everyone.I even changed schools so that I won't be in the same school with him,but it's still the same.I come home everyday to questions about him.I'm just so tired,I can't do this anymore.Help....

Thank you for reading it all.But don't think it'll work.They stressed out over leaving him at home alone for a few hours when he's already 18.And mum left me at home for a month to go for a vacation with my brother.Dad was working,came home late.And my brother is sleeping in the masterbedroom.I don't think they would listen.

Answer 1

I know what it is like to not be important to your parents, my mother openly favors her 2 sons over her 4 daughters. However, we are middle aged and she is elderly and since this has been going on for 52 years, its unlikely she'll ever see the problem. I gave up decades ago.

Seperate your feelings of self worth from your parents. Some people are just lousy parents, not everyone was meant to reproduce, and you might have gotten those. Do what you can to take everything they can give you, respectfully. I mean if they will pay for your college education, then let them do so. Do what you can to nurture yourself and find another adult to mentor you, such as a grandparent or aunt or even a teacher or friends mother. Don't dwell on what you have no control over and just do everything you can to help yourself be a good person. Don't fall into the trap of bad behavior trying to get their attention, it won't work and you are the one who has to deal with it and do it alone. Its much easier to deal with good behavior and it will make you feel better about yourself.

You are not a bad person and there is nothing wrong with you because your folks treat you this way. Its their character flaw, not yours. Look for positives in those things that bring good things to you, community service, education, sports, religion. And learn the lesson and don't repeat it. When you have children, be a better mother, remember how you feel now and do a better job. You can break the cycle, I did.

Answer 2

Sounds to me like your not giving yourself enough credit and that your family has fallen under the pattern of pointing out your differences with your brother.
You sound like a very sweet and loving young woman, and I bet that your also very compassionate, that is why you are taking it all very hard. You should not think that your living in your brothers shadow, you should think of it as a nice shade against a very bright sun. I bet if you brought this to your brother he would want to try and help his Lil sis.
Tell him how it is starting to get you down and how you need him to just tell you that your OK the way you are.
And if he says something mean...well plot a very serious case of itches when you put itching powder in his bed sheets.
Also when your family starts to compare you both, just agree with them then get up and walk out. I think they will get the point soon enough. The silent treatment works also. Not the head down and mope but the head held high, look them in the eyes and just stare silent treatment.

Answer 3

You need to tell your parents all this. If you don't know how to approach the conversation, then you can always write them a letter. Let them know how much it hurts to be measured against him; how they've basically ruined your chances of having a relationship with your brother because of all the bragging they do about him; how you don't appreciate being called a loner; how you want to live your life your way - not your brother's way, etc etc. You have to tell them. They may just be trying to figure out a way to break you out of your shell but they need to understand what they're doing is affecting you negatively.

Answer 4

you should tell your parents this
I think every sibling feels this way at some point
that the parents love one more than the other
I know I felt it at some point
:[
just talk to your parents and maybe your brother
and don't let home relationships keep you from making friends at school
sometimes I think of school as an escape to my home problems

Answer 5

Somehow you need to make it known to your parents. Every day when you get home start talking about what you did in school and what you are doing with friends. Talk to your parents about this NOW.