My four year old swears like a soldier. Everytime I ask him to do something he doesn't want, such as picking up his crayons, or telling him no soda, he says "f*ck you", or flips me off. He'll say "Oh my god" when something's not right, call people "*****", and say "****" when he's pissed off, because his mom and her family didn't have a problem with swearing.
It's cute the first time, but out in public people just laugh it off (which is good cause they're not mad), but then he does it more because they're laughing.
I don't yell at him about it, I always talk to him in a decent tone, explaining that I don't want to hear these bad words, but now he knows them it seems unlikely he'll stop. Sometimes I take a toy away, but then he gets mad, which causes other problems (see my other questions)
I need so much help.. :(
2007-08-17 17:04:12 · 23 answers · asked by Matthew Edwards 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I just thought of something else... because his mom and her family referrred to me as "Matt", this is what he calls me. Ask him who Daddy is, and he'll say it's me, but he calls me "Matt". I'd like for once for him to call me "Daddy"...
2007-08-17 17:30:29 · update #1
my siggestions to all your questions is to take baby steps. All these things happened over a period of time and the child has been moved to a new home and new life. Of course he doesn't understand what mommy was doing was wrong, he only knows what he has been raised like.
He needs a lot of love and reassurance that your going to be there. You will have to choose one or two things and work from there while mastering those things move on to the next things.
With the food, if chicken is what he is use to eating instead of frying it bake it, if he likes french fries bake them. Try to make his food likes different and then introduce a new variety of food each week. make animals with the food, also if he is use to eating fast food, make a up different boxes to look like fast food resturants buy some inexpensive toys from the dollar store and give him a turkey burger, apple dippers. the most important thing in the food is to start a variety for him, not all at once. Also with the sweets dont take them all away, give him frozen yougurt, or you take juices and make popicles also. Give him lots of outside running time- this will accomplish a coupe of things he will be working on his weight and also you will be getting some of his engery wore out.
Tv - barney is not a bad thing for him- barney is a good teaching tool. Alot of kids love barney - sit down watch a epsiode of it, also you can use this to help with different eating things becasue barney address these things about healthy eating, brushing teeth, excerise, manners ect. Buy him those tapes of different things you want him to do and use barney as the reward for doing those things. kids learn by music, other kids and adults. If he is realy into it you can bribe him so to speak with getting to watch this.
pottying is a very diffuclt one and I would buy pull ups and I would sit him on the potty every half hour. Rather he has to go or not. Also try noting the times of the day he is going as most of us that are regular go around the same time. Find his scheldue and you can try to make him a sucess by making him sit on the potty at that time.
Every time he calls you matt say daddy- or ignor his wishes at that point i mean that is hard with a 4 year old becasue they need us, just keep correct the word . He hasn't really been with you so maybe your are matt to him.
I do think a good peditrician and some counsling for both of you would be good because there could be other underling conditions that you are not aware of. You will need lots of patience and will need someone to help you through these daysor months , get a very good support system through family and friends. don't talk bad about mom (even though she sounds horriable).
You have to understand that he is so small and has lived this way for all his years and he doesnt know anyother way of living , so untill he gets the role model he will fight against it becasue he can't ask you why ect, he isn't capable of expressing his concerns and feelings, all he knows how to do is act out .
BE very patience and know that you proably saved your sons life . Good luck to you and your son...
2007-08-17 19:01:53 · answer #1 · answered by diane33michigan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like you have some good answers on the swearing so I will address the "daddy" issue. I got remarried when my son was 2. I always called my husband by his name and so did my son. If you asked him who daddy was he would say my husband so he did see him as his dad he just wouldn't call him that. Well when I got pregnant we started having him call him daddy. Every time my son called him by his name he wouldn't answer until he was called daddy. It took a few months, but he got to where he called him daddy all the time. I know you really want to hear your son say daddy, but it may take a while. The other issues may have to be addressed first. Hang in there. You are being a wonderful father. The best thing you can do is get help and you are doing it. If parenting was easy they would all come with instruction books. Even the best parents have trouble sometimes. Keep up the good work.
2007-08-18 00:56:48 · answer #2 · answered by kerijeanbean 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read all your questions and I am dumbfounded... I have never seen a child act this way.. My thoughts are this.. You haven't been in his life for four years and all of a sudden, here you are... Not trying to be mean at all, just trying to figure this out... His mother my have said bad bad things about you and he knows nothing else about you but these bad things... If you didn't want him then, why do you want him now is what he might be thinking.. Another is, I'm guessing something happened to this child.. Besides what you have already said.. You need counseling big time... And yes your sons mother and family DID have a problem with swearing.. They didn't know how to stop.. This is how your son was raised and it's gonna be hard to change it, but because he is so young, it can be done with the proper help...Also, why was your son taken away from his mother and given to you? Besides the facts that were given to us, is there another reason you haven't mentioned? Just wondering... Please get help now! And call the number one of the people who answered your earlier question with... It may be the best thing you could do.. The best of luck...
2007-08-18 00:28:26 · answer #3 · answered by Debbie B 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
address this issue,
I am you Dad, and i DO NOT want you to say those words. ive seen other parenting techniques on here, and one was, the grandmother took her granddaughter down to the police station so she gets a talking to by the sherrif, and a suggestion in addition to that was to lock the girl up in a holding cell until she calmed down. im not sure how well that would work, but something similar in your home should work nicely. a separate empty room with locking windows and doors, would be a great time out place.
and if all else fails, i hear super nanny has some tips on their website, and you can request her come to your home.
EDIT: i was reading the other answers, and i came across the question:
how do i tell people in public not to laugh?
and i thought buying him a couple white tshirts, and with some sharpi markers, in big bold handwriting on both sides
i am 4. if you hear me curse please dont laugh, my daddy is trying to break my nasty habit.
then buy some crayola markers, maybe the 10 count, and every day, before you go out in public, let him draw on the shirts, and when you are done, and in the house, take the shirt off, and wash it. the sharpi may need touch ups here and there, but the crayola markers wash out, so he can draw on them the next time you go out.
it makes a great reward for the sticker board idea that i emailed you yesterday, and if hes bad, he has to wear it black and white.
2007-08-18 11:01:22 · answer #4 · answered by Sabrina Devareoux 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...even if they hear it doesn't mean it's okay to use it. Coincidentally my husband IS a Soldier (although he does not use foul language around our children...actually he rarely uses it at all; but anyway...) and our kids spend A LOT of time surrounded by people in uniform since we live on Post, visit their father at work, and do our shopping on Post and they have heard it ALL. But, they have never used that language more than once. My oldest tried it out once. I told him if he was going to use potty language he needed to put it where it belonged. I sent him to the toilet made him lean over the bowl and talk to the toilet. When he was finished he flushed the filthy language down the toilet. I told him I didn't ever want to hear that language again and he'd be leaning over the toilet every time I heard it. He said he didn't like it because he felt silly talking to the toilet. I said; "Well good...don't use foul language and you won't have to talk to the toilet again." That was that. Logical consequences; something that fits the "crime" as it were, is the best way to deal with their little indiscretions.
2007-08-18 01:33:55 · answer #5 · answered by april 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read your other questions also. You definitely need a lot of help with your son. I think the best thing you can do is to get the help of a trained child psychologist. It seems like he has had a rough life so far, and he really doesn't understand the proper way to do things. It sounds like he is very angry and confused. I sure hope you can help him get on the right track. I read an answer to one of your other questions about seeing if you can get his mom to pay for the counseling. I think this is a great idea. I also think she should be charged with child neglect. I hope and pray she does not have any other children now or in the future. I have put you on my contact list, so I can follow your progress. Good luck and may God bless you.
2007-08-18 00:12:21 · answer #6 · answered by Jessie H 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
boy, you have your hands full I answered the other two ? that you posted. Tell people not to laugh let him know that it is not funny.
If he uses that lang. in public the best way is ignore if he is not getting attention he will suddenly stop using the lang. (my son did the same thing at his age and i tried everything. that seem to work in my case) It is different when he call you names though it takes action let him know he can't disrespect you like that. Please do not give up on him give him time and consistence he will eventually come around. DO not bad talk his mom when he is around just let him know you both love him very much. You have to understand he is confused and hurt. Hang in there and get professional help before school.
2007-08-18 00:47:23 · answer #7 · answered by nurse in progress 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This child needs disipline! Disipline should start as soon as your child does something you find unacceptable. When you tell your son you don't want to hear bad words, he doesn't believe you are serious. If you are really serious you must act. Taking a toy away won't let him know how serious you really are. The next time he uses a bad word, tell him you don't want to hear it again. If he sasses you and uses it again, tell him you said you don't want to hear it and sit him in a corner, facing out toward the room for 4 minutes (one minute for each year of life). If he gets up, sit him back down and yell at him if you must. Make sure he knows you mean business. Don't let him run his life...you are the parent act like one!
2007-08-18 00:18:01 · answer #8 · answered by paisley101 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pop his little hiney and tell him that it is not acceptable and you won't tolerate it. You are the grown up. You have to make him mind. Ppl will only think this is cute for a very limited amount of time, then you are getting into the area where ppl are not going to want to be around him or have their children around him. Which is going to lead to a new set of problems.
Making your kid mind or disciplining them does not mean you don't love them. In fact it is the opposite.
2007-08-18 00:13:49 · answer #9 · answered by beth l 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is time to quit trying to reason with him. 4 year olds are not reasonable. Rather than just taking a toy away, try time out or spankings. You also need to have a serious discussion with his mom and let her know that his behavior is unacceptable and should not be encouraged.
2007-08-18 00:12:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋