I'd like to say, do, or give something to make her day very memorable.
My oldest daughter (18) told me just 3 weeks ago that she's getting married on August 25th. I am not financially prepared for this. His (minister) grandfather and grandmother are setting this up, against my will, but I have no say since they're both 18. "Grandpa" will marry them, at their home, and are doing all the decorating, planning, etc. It seems like a family pressure thing on my daughter, although she's all for it. She gets a wonderful CZ wedding ring!!!!!
Although, as you may have figured out, I don't want her marrying at age 18 (she should be too smart for that, with a high school diploma and only two quarters left go achieve her AA degree), to an 18 year old high school drop out. I don't want to be the ogre at the wedding. I'd like to do something memorable for her.
Any suggestions?
2007-08-17 17:01:03 · 20 answers · asked by That's me 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Write her a letter and let her know how you feel about her..what your dreams were for her when she was born and what you want for her now...all positive...put it in a nice keepsake box.
2007-08-17 17:05:46 · answer #1 · answered by safiyafadil 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Many high school drop outs are actually very intelligent sometimes more intelligent than their graduating peers. Often people drop out of high school because it's not challenging enough and as a teenager with teenage angst, dropping out and experiencing the 'real world' makes the most sense.
My fiance is a high school drop out completeing a honours degree at university and considering graduate school. Of course, he didn't go back to school until he was 24. Give the guy some time, get to know him and don't get so hung up on what kind of education he has.
Your daughter may be feeling family pressure to marry, but would she do it only for that reason? If so, you really didn't teach her to be independent. How sad, were you a stay at home mom by any chance? Just let her know you'll be there to support her and to get herself on 'the pill' ASAP!
I can imagine that getting married young can be hard, but it doesn't necessarily have to fail. I know lots of people in their early adult years that sucessfully live with a significant other. Marriage will be fine. It probably will fail if she rushes into getting pregnant though. As I'm sure you know, children can kill a relationship.
2007-08-18 01:05:46 · answer #2 · answered by skunk pie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Make sure that your daughter wants to be married, and it's not just for the grandfather. If she wants to get married, then you should support her. It's very untraditional for the grooms side to do the planning. You should voice that to your future in laws. It's incredibly rude for them to do something on such short notice, for you and other guests. I would make her a photo album or something. Go to the drugstore, and copy some photos and put them in a nice scrap book. Ask for photos from the groom as well. do it on the DL. Your daughter should not drop out of high school obviously. Make sure you work your motherly charm into not only your daughter, but also her beau.
2007-08-18 00:10:28 · answer #3 · answered by chaseunchase 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
18 is pretty young to be walking down the aisle but it sounds like the deal has been sealed and there is only a week to go before it goes down. If you aren't in the position to go overboard financially then both these young people will have to realize this. Best thing that I can suggest is to be happy for them and support them to the best of your ability. If his grandparents want this to happen as much as you said then they can be the ones footing the bill. My first marriage took place when I was aged 19 and it only lasted for 2 years. At the time we believed that we were adults and worldly wise. A son was borne of this marriage and thankfully we realized after we divorced that we were far to young at the time to commit the rest of our lives. But today we are grandparents to two of the most beautiful granddaughters in the world and are very friendly with each other. My only suggestion is to be there for her when the end comes, as it does the majority of the time with young people marrying, to love and support her in her times of need. You are in a very tough predicament at present and my wish is that you can be a power of example to your young daughter and proudly give her away on her wedding day. This will be your most important gift to them. Best of luck.
2007-08-18 13:58:39 · answer #4 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I like the idea of suggesting a prenup but you cannot threaten "if you don't sign you won't get married" since, as you said, they are both 18, and that threat wouldn't hold any water since they can get married with or without your permission.
I would just support your daughter in her decision and be there to help her through IF it doesn't work out with this guy.
2007-08-18 08:08:02 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is this website called P.S. I love you. You can personalize a song for her there. They will ask you a series of questions and then incorporate your answers into the song. The cds cost around $50 and the tapes cost a little less. With the cd or tape you also get a lyric sheet that can be framed. I have personally used them for. Once for an anniversary present to my husband and the other for my brothers wedding. I still have our cd after 14years and my brother and sister-in-law said it was the best present that they received. You can visit their website at : giftsongs.com
2007-08-18 00:13:01 · answer #6 · answered by D and G Gifts Etc 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sadly I think we all know where this marriage will end up at.
But if your stuck your stuck.
You don't say how much you have to spend or where your located.
If you have any nice hotels in the area say within a 100 to 150 miles you could maybe spring for a weekend at it for the honeymoon. They could drive to that.
A word of advice. You will gain nothing by being an "ogre" except being the bad guy here. Take the high road. You will be able to bank that for the future.
2007-08-18 00:16:14 · answer #7 · answered by youngboy1606 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Just tell her you love her and will be there for her no matter what. She needs your love and support, and not an argument about the wedding. You shouldn't have to do anything expensive and elaborate to show her your support as long as she knows she always has a home to come to in case things don't go perfectly later on.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.
2007-08-18 00:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by firebugarts 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't be like a lot of people on this topic and assume it will fail. That will add a LOT of pressure on the couple, and that pressure could actually result in the marriage failing!
Trust that your daughter can make her own decisions and knows what she's getting herself into.
I think the best and most memorable thing that you could do is to welcome her FH into the family.
2007-08-18 00:39:05 · answer #9 · answered by choccay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was thinking of getting married one time and a wise old man told me " if you can put yourself from her totally, with no communication of any kind for 30 days, and at the end of that thirty days you feel the same way, then, and only then will you have my blessing." I accepted his challenge and told her the idea. We didn't get married. I'm not saying that they will not or they will even try that, but it worked out best for me.
2007-08-18 00:11:59 · answer #10 · answered by jeff o 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a piece of heirloom jewelry you could give her? And you could write a letter on beuatiful stationary, or a card, giving the history of the piece of jewelry, stating the date and that it is a gift for her wedding. Then say that you will always love her and be there for her.
And don't worry. She can continue her education after her marriage.
2007-08-18 10:30:53 · answer #11 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋